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Sex FAQs

Here at The Pleasure Chest, we spend a lot of time talking to people about their sex lives. Consequently, we also spend a lot of time answering a pretty short list of questions. While we’re always happy to answer them in person, we thought that you might appreciate some quick and dirty answers to our most frequently asked questions.

1)      How can I have a stronger orgasm?

  • Fact: Orgasms strengthen your pelvic floor muscles (also called PC muscles, for the pubococcygeus muscle). Combining orgasms with Kegel exercises will help tone your PC muscles, which are directly related to both urinary function and ejaculatory function. Well toned PC muscles also produce stronger orgasms.
  • Pleasure chest prescription: Many people don’t give their body enough time to build up to their orgasm. Try using a massage candle paired with a seductive massage before accessing the genitals. If you plan to incorporate a vibrator, trace the vibrator over your body to awaken nerve endings. Take your orgasm to the next level by exercising your PC muscles regularly. Kegel balls are a sure way to incorporate your exercises into your daily life. Put them in while you shower, during your morning commute, or when you go to the gym.

2)      How can I get my partner to do (fill in the blank: anal sex, threesome, BDSM)?

  • Fact: In order to enjoy sex, you have to be aroused, right? Nothing kills arousal faster than anxiety, since your body interprets it a sign to stop doing superfluous fun things – like sending blood to your genitals – and focus on survival. Stressing your partner out by demanding that they help you live out your fantasy will probably achieve the opposite of what you want.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Start an open conversation about what turns each of you on and what you’d like to try in the future. You might be surprised to see where you overlap! We recommend scheduling a sex date at least once a year. This date focuses on communication rather than sexual intercourse. Each partner privately fills out a yes/no/maybe list and then you get together to negotiate your sexual desires. It is important to do this at least once a year as our desires change over time.

3)      How can I increase my sexual desire and libido?

  • Fact: Sex is not the only ingredient in a healthy sexual relationship. It is important to incorporate touch, romance, communication and playfulness into your daily life with your partner.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription:  Incorporate touch into your daily routine and longer sessions of touching into your sex life. Touch increases attraction and, when combined with eye contact, can increase desire. If you want an extra boost, make time for things that turn you on: watch porn you like (or even movies and TV that feature actors you’d like to roll around with), read erotica, or just imagine sexy scenarios.

 

4)      I’ve never had an orgasm. Help!

  • Fact: A lot of factors go into orgasm: your PC muscles, your level of physical arousal, and also your mental state.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Strengthening your PC muscles can do a lot to help you achieve orgasm. If you’ve never used a vibrator, give that a try. A lot of women find that the consistent sensation of vibration is the only thing that gets them over the edge. As impossible as it can seem, the best thing that you can do for yourself is to put the idea of having an orgasm on the back burner and focus on enjoying what you’re doing. Try some new things, alone and with a partner, and discover what feels underwhelming and what feels amazing. Take your time, enjoy a ton of foreplay, explore some new fantasies, and find out what it takes to get you really turned on. Eventually, one of those things is going to give you an orgasm, and in the meantime you’ll have had a lot of fun.

 

5)      I want to have sex, but I’m too (fill in the blank: busy, old, fat, tired).

  • Fact: Not only are you fully capable of having sex, but having sex is a great way to stay healthy! An active sex life helps your immune system, especially in fighting colds, and is a key element in your overall health.  Sexual intercourse lowers your systolic blood pressure. It also keeps your estrogen and testosterone levels in balance which is good for your heart. Orgasms are a great substitute for aspirin, as they help to raise your pain threshold. People have reported that they help with menstrual cramps, back pain, arthritis and headaches. Plus, orgasms improve your sleep by releasing prolactin, a hormone which promotes relaxation and sleepiness.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Expand your definition of sex. You may not be up for a marathon of porno-style sexual intercourse, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun. Oral sex, hand jobs, or just cuddling up with your partner and a vibrator are still completely legitimate ways to stay sexually active. If you’re worried about finding partners, you don’t have to be. Only on TV is sex the sole property of nineteen-year-old supermodels.

 

6)      How can I make my penis larger?

  • Fact: Penis pumps can actually make a small difference in girth. If you decide to try pumping, be realistic about your goals; pumping stretches the skin without increasing blood flow to the genitals, so excessive pumping can leave you looking a little flaccid. In any case, here’s a fun fact:  women whose partners have smaller penises actually report higher rates of sexual satisfaction than women with large-shlonged partners.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: We’re willing to bet that the women with the less-well-endowed partners were so happy because their partners weren’t relying solely on their penises to get their partners off. Given how few people reach orgasm by (receiving) vaginal or anal intercourse alone, you’ll thrill your partner by picking up some new oral sex skills, or learning to be amazing with your hands. If you’d still like to increase your size, try using a cock ring, which stops blood from leaving the penis as quickly, so that you look bigger and feel harder and more sensitive.

 

7)      How do I keep from ejaculating so quickly?

  • Fact: First of all, we want to stress that ejaculation is great for you! Ejaculate expels carcinogens that accumulate in the prostate. Ejaculating at least 12 times a month will help reduce your risk of prostate cancer by 1/3. On the other hand, we understand that it can be fun to delay ejaculation until later in your sex session.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: If over-sensitivity is the issue, a condom can cut down on the amount of friction you feel, which can help you last. You can also try a ball stretcher: a loose ring that fastens around the top of your scrotum. (Stay with us here!) The ring can help delay ejaculation by preventing the testicles from pulling into the body like they normally do before orgasm. The easiest solution, though, is to spice up your routine with activities that won’t lead you immediately to orgasm. Plus, no one is cooler than a guy who wants to spend time using his hands, mouth, or even a toy to get his partner off even after he’s ejaculated.

 

8)      What can I do to tighten my vagina?

  • Fact: You don’t necessarily want a tighter vagina, but you do want more control over your PC muscles. Strong PC muscles allow you to grip your partner tightly, and they also allow you to have stronger orgasms. Exercising your PC muscles is good for your overall vaginal health: bringing blood flow to the vagina encourages vaginal elasticity and pliability and prevents vaginal atrophy later in life.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Do your Kegels! The great thing about PC muscle exercises is that you can do them while you’re watching TV, sitting in traffic, or in the line at the grocery store. Tense the muscle, hold it for a couple of seconds, and then release it. Try doing three reps of ten three times a day, and you’ll be on your way to super strong PC muscles! Better yet, invest in some Kegel balls, which speed up the process by give the muscles some resistance.

 

9)      I want to have anal sex but it hurts.

  • Fact: Vaginas self-lubricate when you get aroused. Butts do not. Artificial lubricant is essential to making anal sex safe and comfortable. Also, most people hold a lot of tension in their anuses, which can make anal sex difficult, if not impossible. Successful anal intercourse requires time, lubricant, relaxation, and a lot of arousal.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: First, get a big bottle of good lube, and plan to use it. When it comes to anal sex, if you think you’re using enough lube, you’re not. Plan for anal sex to take time – not just over the course of an evening, but over several sessions. Experiment with non-penetrative butt play: your partner can massage your anus (with lube!), rim you, or use a vibrator on you, all without you worrying if it’s going to hurt. Only try penetration if you’re super aroused. Soon enough, you’ll stop associating anal sex with pain, and your body will relax enough to make anal penetration possible and enjoyable.

10)   How can I spice up my sex life?

  • Fact: Your brain reacts to novelty by releasing dopamine, just like it does when you have sex or eat cupcakes.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Challenge yourself to try something new every time you have sex for the next month. Review your yes/no/maybe list with your partner to see what sparks both of your fantasies. We always love new toys for spicing things up: why not try a vibrating cock ring, a G-spot toy, or some basic bondage gear?

 

11)   I have vaginal dryness. What can I do?

  • Fact: Vibrators have been shown to help vaginal dryness by boosting pelvic blood flow.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Make time for your favorite toy! Even better, incorporate it into the sex you have with your partner. Don’t shy away from using lube, though. A good lube, especially a moisturizing lube like Sliquid Satin, will keep things comfortable for you and prevent the extra friction from causing tiny abrasions in your vagina. Ouch!

 

12)   I don’t like giving my partner oral sex.

  • Fact: Some people find that giving oral sex is stressful on their knees, their necks, or their jaws. Some people simply object to their partner’s taste, which can be affected by diet. Coffee, alcohol, meat, dairy, and dark green, iron-rich vegetables can all give a person’s sexual fluids a bitter taste, while acidic fruits like pineapple can make them taste sweeter.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: If position is your problem, try a new one! Lie on the bed instead of kneeling, or use a Liberator pillow to position your partner for easier access. If your jaw is cramping up, take a break and use your hands for a while. If your partner’s taste is too intense for you, you could always try making them a smoothie. Showering together can also help, if you suspect that sweat is the culprit. Finally, condoms, dental dams and flavored lube are always an option for oral sex. If you think that something is really off about your partner’s smell or taste, though, you should let them know; it can be a sign of a minor and easily treatable bacterial infection.

 

13)   Will using a vibrator permanently make me numb?

  • Fact: Using a vibrator can make it more difficult for you to orgasm other ways, but only if you always use the same vibrator on the same setting every single time you masturbate or have sex. Repetition is the problem, not vibration.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: If you love your vibrator but you don’t want to train yourself to get off only one way, vary your routine. Use different vibrators, use your hands, use your shower head, or use your partner.

 

14)   My partner wants to use a sex toy, but I’m afraid it will replace me.

  • Fact: We spend all day talking to people about their sex lives, and we’ve never met anyone who wanted to stop having sex with their partner because of a toy. In fact, many toys are designed not to mimic the human body but to do things that it can’t do. For instance, did you know that the clitoris extends several centimeters into the body? Vibration accesses the entire clitoris in a way that your hands just can’t.
  • Pleasure Chest Prescription: Rather than taking it as a sign of defeat that you can’t vibrate (or that your vagina isn’t lined with large, soft nubs and ridges like a Fleshlight), enjoy using toys as tools to make your partner feel as good as possible. (If you’re spooked by something too realistic, go for a toy that’s brightly colored and non-anatomical.) After all, the one thing that makes you definitively better than a sex toy is that you’re creative in bed. 
VN:F [1.9.6_1107]
Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
Sex FAQs, 5.0 out of 5 based on 2 ratings
SHARE THIS ARTICLE Bookmark and Share
Average Customer Review

Here at The Pleasure Chest, we spend a lot of time talking to people about their sex lives. Consequently, we also spend a lot of time answering a pretty short list of questions. While we’re always happy to answer them in person, we thought that you might appreciate some quick and dirty answers to our most frequently asked questions.

1)      How can I have a stronger orgasm?

  • Fact: Orgasms strengthen your pelvic floor muscles (also called PC muscles, for the pubococcygeus muscle). Combining orgasms with Kegel exercises will help tone your PC muscles, which are directly related to both urinary function and ejaculatory function. Well toned PC muscles also produce stronger orgasms.
  • Pleasure chest prescription: Many people don’t give their body enough time to build up to their orgasm. Try using a massage candle paired with a seductive massage before accessing the genitals. If you plan to incorporate a vibrator, trace the vibrator over your body to awaken nerve endings. Take your orgasm to the next level by exercising your PC muscles regularly. Kegel balls are a sure way to incorporate your exercises into your daily life. Put them in while you shower, during your morning commute, or when you go to the gym.

2)      How can I get my partner to do (fill in the blank: anal sex, threesome, BDSM)?

  • Fact: In order to enjoy sex, you have to be aroused, right? Nothing kills arousal faster than anxiety, since your body interprets it a sign to stop doing superfluous fun things – like sending blood to your genitals – and focus on survival. Stressing your partner out by demanding that they help you live out your fantasy will probably achieve the opposite of what you want.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Start an open conversation about what turns each of you on and what you’d like to try in the future. You might be surprised to see where you overlap! We recommend scheduling a sex date at least once a year. This date focuses on communication rather than sexual intercourse. Each partner privately fills out a yes/no/maybe list and then you get together to negotiate your sexual desires. It is important to do this at least once a year as our desires change over time.

3)      How can I increase my sexual desire and libido?

  • Fact: Sex is not the only ingredient in a healthy sexual relationship. It is important to incorporate touch, romance, communication and playfulness into your daily life with your partner.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription:  Incorporate touch into your daily routine and longer sessions of touching into your sex life. Touch increases attraction and, when combined with eye contact, can increase desire. If you want an extra boost, make time for things that turn you on: watch porn you like (or even movies and TV that feature actors you’d like to roll around with), read erotica, or just imagine sexy scenarios.

 

4)      I’ve never had an orgasm. Help!

  • Fact: A lot of factors go into orgasm: your PC muscles, your level of physical arousal, and also your mental state.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Strengthening your PC muscles can do a lot to help you achieve orgasm. If you’ve never used a vibrator, give that a try. A lot of women find that the consistent sensation of vibration is the only thing that gets them over the edge. As impossible as it can seem, the best thing that you can do for yourself is to put the idea of having an orgasm on the back burner and focus on enjoying what you’re doing. Try some new things, alone and with a partner, and discover what feels underwhelming and what feels amazing. Take your time, enjoy a ton of foreplay, explore some new fantasies, and find out what it takes to get you really turned on. Eventually, one of those things is going to give you an orgasm, and in the meantime you’ll have had a lot of fun.

 

5)      I want to have sex, but I’m too (fill in the blank: busy, old, fat, tired).

  • Fact: Not only are you fully capable of having sex, but having sex is a great way to stay healthy! An active sex life helps your immune system, especially in fighting colds, and is a key element in your overall health.  Sexual intercourse lowers your systolic blood pressure. It also keeps your estrogen and testosterone levels in balance which is good for your heart. Orgasms are a great substitute for aspirin, as they help to raise your pain threshold. People have reported that they help with menstrual cramps, back pain, arthritis and headaches. Plus, orgasms improve your sleep by releasing prolactin, a hormone which promotes relaxation and sleepiness.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Expand your definition of sex. You may not be up for a marathon of porno-style sexual intercourse, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun. Oral sex, hand jobs, or just cuddling up with your partner and a vibrator are still completely legitimate ways to stay sexually active. If you’re worried about finding partners, you don’t have to be. Only on TV is sex the sole property of nineteen-year-old supermodels.

 

6)      How can I make my penis larger?

  • Fact: Penis pumps can actually make a small difference in girth. If you decide to try pumping, be realistic about your goals; pumping stretches the skin without increasing blood flow to the genitals, so excessive pumping can leave you looking a little flaccid. In any case, here’s a fun fact:  women whose partners have smaller penises actually report higher rates of sexual satisfaction than women with large-shlonged partners.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: We’re willing to bet that the women with the less-well-endowed partners were so happy because their partners weren’t relying solely on their penises to get their partners off. Given how few people reach orgasm by (receiving) vaginal or anal intercourse alone, you’ll thrill your partner by picking up some new oral sex skills, or learning to be amazing with your hands. If you’d still like to increase your size, try using a cock ring, which stops blood from leaving the penis as quickly, so that you look bigger and feel harder and more sensitive.

 

7)      How do I keep from ejaculating so quickly?

  • Fact: First of all, we want to stress that ejaculation is great for you! Ejaculate expels carcinogens that accumulate in the prostate. Ejaculating at least 12 times a month will help reduce your risk of prostate cancer by 1/3. On the other hand, we understand that it can be fun to delay ejaculation until later in your sex session.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: If over-sensitivity is the issue, a condom can cut down on the amount of friction you feel, which can help you last. You can also try a ball stretcher: a loose ring that fastens around the top of your scrotum. (Stay with us here!) The ring can help delay ejaculation by preventing the testicles from pulling into the body like they normally do before orgasm. The easiest solution, though, is to spice up your routine with activities that won’t lead you immediately to orgasm. Plus, no one is cooler than a guy who wants to spend time using his hands, mouth, or even a toy to get his partner off even after he’s ejaculated.

 

8)      What can I do to tighten my vagina?

  • Fact: You don’t necessarily want a tighter vagina, but you do want more control over your PC muscles. Strong PC muscles allow you to grip your partner tightly, and they also allow you to have stronger orgasms. Exercising your PC muscles is good for your overall vaginal health: bringing blood flow to the vagina encourages vaginal elasticity and pliability and prevents vaginal atrophy later in life.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Do your Kegels! The great thing about PC muscle exercises is that you can do them while you’re watching TV, sitting in traffic, or in the line at the grocery store. Tense the muscle, hold it for a couple of seconds, and then release it. Try doing three reps of ten three times a day, and you’ll be on your way to super strong PC muscles! Better yet, invest in some Kegel balls, which speed up the process by give the muscles some resistance.

 

9)      I want to have anal sex but it hurts.

  • Fact: Vaginas self-lubricate when you get aroused. Butts do not. Artificial lubricant is essential to making anal sex safe and comfortable. Also, most people hold a lot of tension in their anuses, which can make anal sex difficult, if not impossible. Successful anal intercourse requires time, lubricant, relaxation, and a lot of arousal.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: First, get a big bottle of good lube, and plan to use it. When it comes to anal sex, if you think you’re using enough lube, you’re not. Plan for anal sex to take time – not just over the course of an evening, but over several sessions. Experiment with non-penetrative butt play: your partner can massage your anus (with lube!), rim you, or use a vibrator on you, all without you worrying if it’s going to hurt. Only try penetration if you’re super aroused. Soon enough, you’ll stop associating anal sex with pain, and your body will relax enough to make anal penetration possible and enjoyable.

10)   How can I spice up my sex life?

  • Fact: Your brain reacts to novelty by releasing dopamine, just like it does when you have sex or eat cupcakes.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Challenge yourself to try something new every time you have sex for the next month. Review your yes/no/maybe list with your partner to see what sparks both of your fantasies. We always love new toys for spicing things up: why not try a vibrating cock ring, a G-spot toy, or some basic bondage gear?

 

11)   I have vaginal dryness. What can I do?

  • Fact: Vibrators have been shown to help vaginal dryness by boosting pelvic blood flow.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Make time for your favorite toy! Even better, incorporate it into the sex you have with your partner. Don’t shy away from using lube, though. A good lube, especially a moisturizing lube like Sliquid Satin, will keep things comfortable for you and prevent the extra friction from causing tiny abrasions in your vagina. Ouch!

 

12)   I don’t like giving my partner oral sex.

  • Fact: Some people find that giving oral sex is stressful on their knees, their necks, or their jaws. Some people simply object to their partner’s taste, which can be affected by diet. Coffee, alcohol, meat, dairy, and dark green, iron-rich vegetables can all give a person’s sexual fluids a bitter taste, while acidic fruits like pineapple can make them taste sweeter.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: If position is your problem, try a new one! Lie on the bed instead of kneeling, or use a Liberator pillow to position your partner for easier access. If your jaw is cramping up, take a break and use your hands for a while. If your partner’s taste is too intense for you, you could always try making them a smoothie. Showering together can also help, if you suspect that sweat is the culprit. Finally, condoms, dental dams and flavored lube are always an option for oral sex. If you think that something is really off about your partner’s smell or taste, though, you should let them know; it can be a sign of a minor and easily treatable bacterial infection.

 

13)   Will using a vibrator permanently make me numb?

  • Fact: Using a vibrator can make it more difficult for you to orgasm other ways, but only if you always use the same vibrator on the same setting every single time you masturbate or have sex. Repetition is the problem, not vibration.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: If you love your vibrator but you don’t want to train yourself to get off only one way, vary your routine. Use different vibrators, use your hands, use your shower head, or use your partner.

 

14)   My partner wants to use a sex toy, but I’m afraid it will replace me.

  • Fact: We spend all day talking to people about their sex lives, and we’ve never met anyone who wanted to stop having sex with their partner because of a toy. In fact, many toys are designed not to mimic the human body but to do things that it can’t do. For instance, did you know that the clitoris extends several centimeters into the body? Vibration accesses the entire clitoris in a way that your hands just can’t.
  • Pleasure Chest Prescription: Rather than taking it as a sign of defeat that you can’t vibrate (or that your vagina isn’t lined with large, soft nubs and ridges like a Fleshlight), enjoy using toys as tools to make your partner feel as good as possible. (If you’re spooked by something too realistic, go for a toy that’s brightly colored and non-anatomical.) After all, the one thing that makes you definitively better than a sex toy is that you’re creative in bed. 
VN:F [1.9.6_1107]
Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
Sex FAQs, 5.0 out of 5 based on 2 ratings

One Response to “Sex FAQs”

  1. [...] Here at The Pleasure Chest, we spend a lot of time talking to people about their sex lives. Consequently, we also spend a lot of time answering a pretty short list of questions. While we’re always happy to answer them in person, we thought that you might appreciate some quick and dirty answers to our most frequently asked questions. Read them all here. [...]

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