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Nov 06 2014

Kindler, Miller, Kinane & More!
Performance Anxiety Nov. 11th

0

by Kate M.

performance anxiety flyer Nov11th

Join us on Tuesday, November 11th at 8pm for another evening of Performance Anxiety, the twice-monthly comedy night hosted by Eli Olsberg at our West Hollywood store.

For just $7, you get free beer, 15% off your purchases and an evening with some of the best comics working today.

The show will feature appearances by

The show is first come, first served and you are encouraged to buy tickets in advance to guarantee a seat.

Enjoy Kyle Kinane on living alone and sad masturbation.

Nov 05 2014

The Pleasure Chest Los Angeles
Seeks a Full-Time Supervisor

0

by Kate M.

the pleasure chest los angeles

The Pleasure Chest, a sex industry leader since 1971, is seeking a floor supervisor to join our family! The ideal candidate will have a retail background, at least 2 years of supervisory experience, a strong understanding of sex-positivity, and a desire to work in a fast-paced and diverse environment. This position is full-time and we do offer insurance benefits after a probationary period.  Night and weekend availability is a must.

The Supervisor is responsible for overseeing and actively participating in floor operations and implementing company policies. An ideal candidate will be customer-oriented with an interest in sales and educating our customers in a manner that is sex positive, have strong communication skills, both verbal and written, and have experience managing a team of people. Special Event experience is desired, but not required.

Areas of responsibility include:

  • Implement and model The Pleasure Chest’s customer service and sex education standards on the sales floor
  • Uphold company policies in a manner that is fair and consistent
  • Maintain the appearance of the store and merchandising
  • Work with a diverse team in a collaborative manner
  • Balance registers

Pay: $11/hour + commission

Benefits: Vacation + sick time and health insurance

The Pleasure Chest is an equal opportunity employer. People of color and trans* people are encouraged to apply. Please email a resume and cover letter to jobs@pleasurechest.com with the email subject “Supervisor Position”. Any applications without all of these items will not be considered. PLEASE NO PHONE CALLS.

The deadline to apply is Friday, November 14th.

Nov 01 2014

Disappointingly Realistic Erotica:
Role Play Rendezvous

0

by Kate M.

bert macklin fbi

Twirling his mustache – but not too hard, in case the spirit gum holding it in place gave out – Alan whirled on his boyfriend. He knew that he made an intimidating picture: the jacket he’d bought at the army surplus store was freshly pressed and fit him like a glove, showing off his broad, muscled chest.

“Tell me,” he rumbled, “Where you have hidden the microfilm.”

He glanced down at Isaac. He had tied the smaller man to a kitchen chair, deftly restraining each of his lanky limbs.

“Okay!” Isaac chirped.

Alan hesitated for a moment and then recovered.

“You seem to think that this will go easy for you,” he continued. “but unless you tell me where to find the microfilm, I will torture you, starting with this terrifying device!”

He brandished his Violet Wand menacingly, flicking it on so that Isaac could see the electricity running through it in the dim light. Sweet, submissive-to-the-core Isaac smiled up at him.

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” he insisted, beaming. “I just want to make you happy.”

***

“You said you were from Italy.”

“But I am, my beauteeful laydee!”

“You sound French.”

“Non. I am Eetalian!”

“You sound like Pepe le Pew.”

***

Yes, her gorgeous, creative partner had screen printed a t-shirt with the logo of a local pizzeria, had rung the doorbell, had stammered as though dumbstruck by Kim’s beauty when she had opened the door. Rhonda had been paying attention all those weeks ago, when Kim confided in her that she still fantasized about the goofy pizza-boy-meets-lonely-housewife scenarios from the VHS tapes she used to steal from under her brother’s bed. Rhonda had even made an effort to replicate the hokey dialogue: “You’re hungry? I have something you’ll want to eat,” she had declared, lifting her skirt to reveal a lacy pair of crotchless panties. Still, as they lay together, spent from an evening of passionate and athletic fantasy fulfillment, Kim had to admit something to herself: she kind of resented Rhonda for showing up with an empty pizza box.

***

Alice had worked all afternoon on her Damsel in Distress costume. She couldn’t believe how readily Lamar had agreed to role play with her. He’d  nodded along eagerly as she detailed her fantasy: a princess in a tower, a handsome prince who rescues her, kisses her sweetly, and then fucks her ass until she screams with delight. When she heard the door to Lamar’s studio open, she practically skipped into the living room to meet him, unable to wait to see her husband transformed into a fairy tale prince.

Lamar wore a long, elegant gown, opera gloves, and a dainty tiara.

After they’d laughed, gasped for breath, laughed harder, gotten themselves under control, lost control again when Lamar turned to Alice and murmured, “Milady,” howled with laughter until Alice had a coughing fit and had to get a glass of water, and settled finally into a comfortable silence punctuated only by the occasional giggle, Alice turned to her husband.

“Rock paper scissors for who gets to go first?”

***

“What I really want is to role play that I’m going to a sex store and you’re my hot salesperson.”

“I have a friend who works at The Pleasure Chest! I’ll talk to her and get some ideas.”

Later that day:

“I’m interested in that vibrator… but I’m hoping that you’ll show me how to use it.”

“Sure! Here’s a schedule for our free workshop series!”

***

This harrowingly unsexy Halloween edition of Disappointingly Realistic Erotica was co-written with Sarah Sloane. You can read previous installments here

Oct 27 2014

Want to Win a Fun Factory Amor?
Invent a Halloween-Themed Porn!

23

by Kate M.

fun factory amor black fun factory amor orange

Update: The staff has voted, and Kim and Gustavo M will each be receiving a Fun Factory Amor! Thanks to all of you who cracked us up with your smutty puns this Halloween! 

Happy Halloween week! We’re giving away one Fun Factory Stubs Amor dildo in black and one in orange! 

Amor’s modest 5.5″ size and versatility make it a great choice for beginners, and it’s unusual and awesome texture makes it perfect for the dildo connoisseur. A slight curve in its shaft is sure to hit the spot, and its wide base is compatible with most harnesses. Of course, it’s made of high-quality silicone. 

Want to win? Here’s how.

In the comments below, make up a title for a Halloween- or horror-themed porno. Spook My Dick, for example, or Coven Lovin’. We’ll pick our two favorites on Friday, October 31st at noon, and each winner will get an Amor dildo! 

U.S. residents only. 

Oct 23 2014

Want to Win a We-Vibe Touch Plus?
Tell Us Your Superpower!

20

by Kate M.

we-vibe touch

Update: Congratulations to Lisa, who won the Touch Plus! Thanks to all of you who shared your superpowers with us. Keep an eye out for an awesome Halloween-themed giveaway soon! 

We’re giving away a We-Vibe Touch Plus!

Flexible and soft, The We-Vibe Touch Plus features a rounded tip for ultra-thrilling direct contact, and a unique pleasure wave shape that gently caresses. It’s made of silky, waterproof silicone and houses a powerful, whisper-quiet motor. Enjoy up to two hours of intimate play on a single charge. Plus, this update of one of our favorite toys is USB rechargeable, with an improved charging cap and a low-power alert, so that you know when you need to charge it again.

Want to win a We-Vibe Touch Plus? Here’s how.

The Touch Plus is super powerful, and you can be too! In the comments below, tell us what your superpower would be: the one that best suits you, not necessarily the one you’d most want. Feel free to get creative! We’ll pick a winner on Monday, October 27th at noon PDT.

U.S. residents only. 

Oct 23 2014

The Sklar Brothers & More!
Performance Anxiety October 28th

0

by Kate M.

performance anxiety flyer Oct28th

Join us on Tuesday, October 28th at 8pm for another evening of Performance Anxiety, the twice-monthly comedy night hosted by Eli Olsberg at our West Hollywood store.

For just $7, you get free beer, 15% off your purchases and an evening with some of the best comics working today.

The show will feature appearances by

The show is first come, first served and you are encouraged to buy tickets in advance to guarantee a seat.

Oct 21 2014

Fisting: a Testimonial

0

by Kate M.

fisting magic

There is absolutely nothing in the world that is as shockingly intimate as having your hand enclosed in someone’s body. The time it takes to work it in – finger by finger, slowly stretching, cajoling their body into opening up for you – it moves in an almost alternate reality. Hours become minutes, become hours. Your focus tightens in on just your hand – the tissue tight around your knuckles, the impossible heat of their body like a small sun around your fist. Your world is their breath, their heartbeat pounding against the tip of your fingers. They breathe at that one ripe, right moment, and your hand finds its way a millimeter further into them. And the tiny movements of your hand feel like earthquakes to your lover; the flex of your thumb rocks against their spots and tremors shake through their body. Their hand reaches towards you, trying to close the circuit, wrapping around your wrist. And then you’re there – your hand trapped by every shudder and convulsion, your ears ringing with their screams and moans, your heart racing with theirs, and what started out as a slow exploration becomes a watershed moment between two people who are open and intimate and bound together by nothing more than a single hand.

This guest post was written by Sarah Sloane

Oct 21 2014

Disappointingly Realistic Erotica:
Fisting Trysts

0

by Kate M.

fisting hulk

Oscar let out a shuddering breath as he felt Amanda’s knuckles graze his taint. Gripping the already rumpled sheet, he waited for the gentle touch of his girlfriend’s soft fingertip on his anus. He almost couldn’t believe it – she’d not only agreed to his ultimate fantasy, but she’d jumped at the chance to make him feel amazing. He felt silly that he’d been so nervous to tell her what he wanted.

Oh wow. She was getting creative, using her lubed-up knuckles to massage his asshole. Oscar groaned, reveling in the pressure, moving his hips to grind against Amanda’s hand.

“Honey?” Amanda paused, glancing up at him, her brow furrowed.

“What’s up?”

“I don’t thing this is going to work.” Amanda held up her balled fist, gazing sadly at it.

Realization dawned.

“Oh love,” Oscar laughed. “Let’s talk about what ‘fisting’ means.”

***

“Oh yes, yes, oh god, now curl your fingers–NAILS NAILS STOP OW FUCK”

***

“So this is what it’s like to fuck in zero gravity,” Xorgana giggled, lightly pinching one of Svarne’s dark blue forenipples.

“So this is what it’s like to fuck a human,” Svarne replied, snapping a glove onto her smallest hand and running it through a large patch of free-floating lube that had spilled from the bottle.

Xorgana relaxed into the weightlessness as Svarne probed her with many-jointed fingers. This wasn’t what she had imagined when she had dreamed of exploring the galaxy: it was so much better. Gradually, though, she became aware of a growing discomfort.

“Wait,”she said warily, “That’s not a latex glove, is it?”

“Yeah, baby,” Svarne replied absently, four of her fingers still undulating inside of Xorgana.

“I told you I was allergic!” Xorgana exclaimed, her eyes beginning to well with all-too-human tears. “How are we supposed to make this work if you don’t listen to me?”

***

I can’t believe I’m fisting the high school quarterback. Rex’s ass is propped up on a pillow for better access, and his strong, hairy hand works his own thick cock. His full lips form inarticulate sounds that I’m pretty sure are supposed to be pleas.

“What’s that, big boy?”

“Please don’t stop.”

“Oh no?” I slow my fist’s already slight motion almost to a standstill. “Even after what you called me at tryouts? I don’t know if you deserve to feel this good.”

“Please, Bruce.”

“Is that my name? I thought it was Little Bitch.”

Rex whimpers helplessly. Then, his ass erupts in a massive, wet fart that reverberates around my hand.

***

“Silent duck?!?” Amanda shrieked with delight. It took her a full minute to get the giggle fit under control.

***

Felicia lay languidly in her lover’s arms, spent from a night of passion. She felt like a flower, newly bloomed. She felt all of the womynly power of Mother Earth rising from the ground to greet her. She felt like spring. She had felt her lover’s whole hand inside her, making love to her most secret depths, and she had been whole. Holding fast to the knowledge that she had truly been reborn that night, Felicia drifted off to sleep.

She woke in the night needing to pee, hurried to the bathroom, and soon returned to bed.

Then she needed to pee again.

Then she needed to pee again.

Felicia was a womyn with a UTI.

***

Always pee after getting vaginally fisted, y’all! UTIs are no fun. Also, check out previous installments of Disappointingly Realistic Erotica here

Oct 21 2014

The Fist List:
Becoming a Master Fister

0

by Kate M.

fisting batman

1. Please remove any rings, bracelets, watches, or fitness bands from your hands and arms prior to fisting. If you leave anything in your partner’s ass or vagina, remember that possession is 9/10 of the law, and gracefully cease all claim to it.

2. Things that are not adequate substitutes for latex or nitrile gloves: food prep gloves, silicone oven mitts, saran wrap rubber-banded in place, bubble gum, Ziploc baggies, and sock puppets.

3. Things that are not adequate substitutes for lube: spit, WD-40, expensive Moroccan argan oil hair conditioners, beard wax, dish detergent, Mr. Clean, and pickle juice.

4. Put a towel down. Trust us. No really. Do it. We’ll wait. In fact, why don’t you grab two? And a cum rag. And while you’re at it, a water bottle with a straw in it, so that I don’t die from dehydration, forgoshsake. And maybe a pizza. We’re gonna be here for a while.

5. You do not get bonus points for speed or depth; you do, however, get graded on style and technical ability. But watch out. The German judges are sticklers for the dismount.

These face-saving tips were brought to you by sex educator and consummate snark-er Sarah Sloane

Oct 15 2014

Want to Win a We-Vibe Tango?
Prove yourself.

19

by Kate M.

we-vibe tango

Update: Congratulations to Asha, who won the We-Vibe Tango! We have another awesome vibe from We-Vibe and a Halloween surprise in the pipeline, so keep an eye out! 

We’re giving away a We-Vibe Tango, maybe the best bullet vibe ever.

It takes one to Tango when you’ve got the right toy. This elegantly-sculpted, lipstick-shaped vibe conceals a surprisingly strong motor. Tango packs a lot of power for a pocket vibe, delivering four pulsation patterns at four levels of intensity, and can run for up to two hours on a single charge. It’s also body-safe, waterproof, ideal for travel, and can replace the weaker bullets that come with some dildos and harnesses. Plus, this update of one of our favorite toys is USB rechargeable, with an improved charging cap and a low-power alert, so that you know when you need to charge it again.

Want to win a Tango? Here’s how.

Here’s the thing about the Tango: it’s so unassuming when you look at it that most people are surprised by how incredibly powerful it is. So, in the comments below, tell us about a time that you got to prove yourself – at your job, on a project, to yourself, by beating the record for time spent hula hooping, whatever.

We’ll pick a winner on Tuesday, October 21st at noon PDT.

U.S. residents only.