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Jan 28 2011

The winners of our Tantus Toy Giveaway

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by thepleasurechest

We’ve finally picked our winners in this week’s Tantus giveaway. With over 50 entries, the lucky, randomly-selected winner was Chad from New York. Chad appears to be a fan of our Turn On or Buzz Off feature as his reference-laden paen to the Tantus Echo demonstrates:

Defo the Echo! Last year we’ve saw a variety of monster sex toys. Zombie dildo (bleck) “Uh..your condom fell off. Wait..What do you mean you weren’t wearing a condom?” *shudders* Sparkly vamp dildo (rolls eyes), The Ghatan (I prefer to eat my calamari, not sit on it) & a mean, green, vibrating monster that munches your meat (say that 10 times fast). Only fitting that we’d kick off 2011 w the cock of an angel (Pharzuph, you’ve really done it now), cause I’m guessing it feels like heaven! ;)

Well, Chad, you’ll have to let us know just how heavenly it is. Congratulations and thanks for being a loyal reader of this here blog!

Chad wasn’t the only fan of the Echo. The vast majority of our readers– 25 of you– also asked for the Echo. The Charmer was a distant second.

Our favorite entry came in the form of a poem, courtesy of Michael from Bellflower, CA. Here’s his ode to the Tantus Buzz:

I’m interested in the Buzz
I’m interested becuzz
I’m new at this thing anal
And I’m not being banal.
I need some stretching in case
I get lucky.
The Pleasure Chest offer
Seems perfectly ducky.
If I have unearned luck
I will think of you whenever I —-
Your name will ring out with orgiastic pleasure
With clenching releasing in waves without measure.
So send me your Buzz as soon as you can.
I’m getting so tired of using my hand.

Speaking of “hands,” let’s give Michael a big hand for this creative entry. We’ll be sending him  a $20 Pleasure Chest gift card to reward his literary efforts. Thanks to all who participated, and please keep an eye on this blog for more cool contests.

Jan 28 2011

L’Intimate. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

Voter turnout was very low in last week’s poll on the Obama Condom. With 100% of precincts reporting, we can now confirm that the Obama Condom will not be taking an oath of orifice.

Even though our fragile democracy has vetoed the Presidential prophylactic, we note that the British monarchy has its own version. Check out “Crown Jewels” brand condoms created to honor the upcoming nuptials of Prince Williams. Our suggested slogan: “For when you want to get royally fucked!”

This week’s contestant on Turn On or Buzz Off is classier than our usual fare. It’s a product designed for those discrete souls who want to keep their sex toys hidden from prying eyes. Say bonjour to L’Intimate, (a play on the words “lint” and “intimate”), a functional lint roller, with a secret compartment in the handle for storing a vibrator. It’s basically a stashcan for your vibe!

Or, in the words of its manufacturer, Miss Chivus:

L’Intimate is a dual-functioning product that elevates the level of class and discretion for women looking to maintain pleasure in their personal lives. Our goal is to provide a functional compromise between natural sexuality and sophistication.

There’s even a helpful diagram showing you how to open the secret compartment and remove your vibrator (which is included). Miss Chivus promises that L’Intimate is “the first in a soon to be revolutionary line of ‘disguised’ adult products.” There’s definitely a demand for covert sex toys. There are already sex toys disguised as lipstick, a sponge, a USB thumb drive and even a bicycle grip.

For those with nosy houseguests (the kind who open drawers and look under beds), L’Intimate might be a dream come true. As a fringe benefit, you might get a special thrill when an unsuspecting visitor runs the roller along their coat or evening gown. Or, on the other hand, will you have neurotic visions of the guest unlocking the secret compartment and discovering your naughty secret?

We have irrational fears of our own. Around our house, the lint roller is the primary weapon in the war against cat hair– the natural enemy of sticky sex toys. Do we really want our vibrator riding shotgun inside a lint magnet?

Let us know what you think. L’Intimate. Turn On or Buzz Off?

Jan 27 2011

Scenes from a workshop

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by thepleasurechest

Our Sex Specialist Jenae

We had a friendly crowd for the Strap On, Get Off workshop last night in Chicago. The seats were filled with folks yearning to learn the ins and outs of dildo harnesses, strap-on sex and more. Here are a few photos of last night’s lesson.

The La Palma Glove

Visual aids

Wanna come?

Check out the schedule for our upcoming workshops here. They’re always free, and lots of fun.

Jan 27 2011

Meet Carlos!

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by thepleasurechest

Carlos the greeter

If you’re in New York, be sure to stop by our store today, and meet our new temporary seasonal worker. His name is Carlos. His turn-ons are watersports and corn cob pipes. His turn-offs include snowballing and hot wax.

Carlos melts our heart

Carlos is our new store greeter. Mention “Carlos the Snowman” at the register in our NY store, and get 10% off your purchase, today only. (And yes, he’s getting a nose job with his first paycheck.)

Jan 24 2011

Have a Tantus on Us!

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by thepleasurechest

As many sex toy connoisseurs know, Tantus makes some of the best dildos in the world. Each toy is handmade in the USA from body-safe, 100% ultra-premium platinum silicone. They can be boiled, bleached, even thrown in your dishwasher. Best of all, Tantus products come in all different shapes, sizes and colors.

This week, we’re giving away a Tantus dildo to one lucky reader of this blog. And, to make things more interesting, we’re going to let you choose which one you want. Here are the 6 toys to choose from.

Buzz

Charmer

Echo

Pro Touch

Ripple

Silk

Simply post a comment on our blog (right here!) telling us which Tantus toy tickles your fancy. Then tell us why. If there is a particular color or size you like best, testify! On Friday, January 28th at Noon PST, we’ll pick one entry at random.You don’t need to use your real name, but please include a valid email address so that we can contact you.

We’ll also award a $20 Pleasure Chest gift card to the best, funniest, or most original answer. So, be creative!

Finally, if you follow us on Twitter (LA, NY, Chicago), retweet the contest announcement and we’ll enter you twice! Be sure to post a link to the RT in your contest entry on the blog, to be counted!

Good luck!

Jan 21 2011

Obama Condoms. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

Don’t have a cow, but it looks like our readers actually wanna see The Simpsons porn parody. In last week’s poll, 55% of voters got sprung for Springfield smut, while the remaining 45% simply wanted Homer to keep it in his pants. We’re sure the movie got a boost from its creator Lee Roy Myers who tweeted the poll to his followers. Mr. Myers’ politicking is fine by us, and the people have most definitely spoken. That’s democracy. D’oh! You can expect to see The Simpsons porn parody in our DVD section in the near future.

Speaking of democracy, this week’s contestant on Turn On of Buzz Off is the Obama Condom. That’s right, cause nothing quite sets the mood for sexytime like a heated political argument.

Consisting of a Crown condom wrapped in a cardboard sleeve, the Obama Condom comes in three different designs, each bearing its own slogan:

“Hope is a Not a Form of Protection.”

“The Ultimate Stimulus Package.”

“Use With Good Judgment.”

We hope the condoms aren’t quite as stale as the jokes. Obama Condoms are made by a company called Practice Safe Policy, which, to be fair, also makes condoms poking fun at Sarah Palin and John McCain. When it comes to adult products inspired by President Obama, these condoms are relatively tame. A company called Head O State already makes an Obama dildo, while in China, you can get an Obama love doll.

Even though products like this are common, we suspect that some of you won’t be voting for the Obama Condom. If you saw a lover whip one of these out, would you stage a filibuster? Whether you lean left in the bedroom or are simply bipartisan curious, it’s time to go the polls. The Obama Condom. Turn On or Buzz Off?

Jan 20 2011

After Hours with the Club Vibe

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by thepleasurechest

Jenae, our intrepid Sex Specialist, popped the Club Vibe in her pants and hit the dance floor. Here’s the buzz.

I might be a club-goer. I might be that girl who happens to be at every party you thought you couldn’t get on the list for. My friends call me Lesbian Google, because I can find any good club night within a 15 mile radius.

Yup. I’m that girl. The girl who is always ready for a club night and a good time. The Club Vibe is “Pleasure Remixed” and I got a chance to remix some pleasure one night at a Chicago hotspot. The club I chose is open till 4am and known for attracting local oddities so I knew I wouldn’t look out of place with a wire sticking out of my pants. Yes, the Club Vibe is wired from bullet to remote. So it’s not a discreet as some might like.

The remote is actually a little receiver that picks up ambient noise from whatever space you’re in. If you are wearing the receiver box like a pager, be aware your clothes will be creating most of the shuffle noise you are “receiving” in your pants. I decided to go for the gusto and not care if anyone saw the wire poking out of my dress. I stealthily inserted the little bullet into the panty gusset and turned it on.  In the bathroom the club vibe picked up on the bass right away. There was a steady “boom boom boom” that got me really excited to join in on the fun!

I walked outside and got a HUGE jolt. The Club Vibe definitely picks up on all the noise around you and does not have discernible taste. Once it hears the nightlife, it’s got to boogie and that boogie will burn your clit off!  My advice? Steer clear of the clubs with this vibe but definitely take it out to any smaller bar with a nice back beat and lots of strangers conversing. You will definitely not be bored with the background chatter!

Jan 17 2011

MLK, Jr. on the Importance of Family Planning

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by thepleasurechest

For the Negro, therefore, intelligent guides of family planning are a profoundly important ingredient in his quest for security and a decent life. There are mountainous obstacles still separating Negroes from a normal existence. Yet one element in stabilizing his life would be an understanding of and easy access to the means to develop a family related in size to his community environment and to the income potential he can command.- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Most of us are familiar with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s activism for civil rights, against war, and for the struggle of poor people. But did you know that he also supported family planning clinics? In 1966, King was given Planned Parenthood’s Margaret Sanger Award, named for that organization’s founder. King believed that having access to birth control and family planning was essential to self determination and economic justice. The entire text of King’s acceptance speech can be found here.

Jan 14 2011

Simpsons Porn Parody. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

Last week, we asked you to weigh in on the Zombi Art Dildo from the line of horror movie-inspired toys from Necronomicox. The overwhelming majority of our readers had a grave response. Nearly 27% of you declared the Zombi a “Yawn of the Dead” while a decisive 48% hammered the final nail into its coffin. To the handful of necrophiles and horror fans who dug the undead dildo, have fun, but don’t forget, this Zombi doesn’t want you for your brains!

In case there are still traces of your innocence left, we submit this week’s contestant: the Simpsons porn parody.

If you follow the adult industry, you know that parodies are very popular. From Pirates of the Carribean and Avatar, to Batman and Sex & The City, our pop culture past and present is being plundered for prurient profit. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

And nothing is sacred. Not even the cartoons of our youth. If you think Simpsons porn is a special kind of wrong, ask how it differs from the hardcore Flintstones or the upcoming Justice League porn parody. In fact, Simpsons adult fanfic and illustrated Simpsons porn has been with us for a long time. (Google it, if you must.)

Still, are we ready to see the beloved characters of the longest running series in the history of American TV engaging in hardcore sex? The already infamous trailer from Larry Flynt Productions touts: “You’ve never seen sex this yellow.” Some tagline, eh? Round here, we are uncurious about yellow sex. How about you, dear reader? The Simpsons porn parody. Turn On or Buzz Off?

Jan 13 2011

Gaypocalypse Now!

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by thepleasurechest

We had a little fun circulating this news story on our Facebook and Twitter feeds today:

Pat Robertson: Snow Is God’s Way of Punishing Americans Planning To Drive To Do Something Gay

Rev. Pat Robertson sparked controversy in today’s broadcast of his “700 Club” program when he claimed that God created the blizzard currently battering the Northeast “to punish Americans who were planning to drive to do something gay.”

Explaining his theory, Robertson said, “Because of the bad road conditions the Almighty has made, any gay activities that people were planning on doing will have to be postponed by a day or two.” Additionally, he argued, God shut down major airports in the New York area “so that people who were hoping to fly to do something of a gay nature would have to take a train or a bus, so it might be days before the gay thing they were going to do could occur.”

As for the millions of straight people in New York City who were also grounded by the bad weather, the televangelist said, “I think God probably wonders: If these people are really straight, then what are they doing in New York?”

If you guessed that this is a joke, you’re right! The article is a prank by Andy Borowitz– but it had us fooled for a hot second, because it isn’t hard to imagine Robertson saying something this stupid. You might recall he once warned that if Disneyworld continued to host Gay Days, “The Happiest Place on Earth” might be punished with earthquakes, or even a meteor (!) This is truly one of those cases where satire is so believable, it could easily pass for truth. Check out this priceless collection of the right Reverend’s wrongest statements of all time.

Speaking of natural disasters, perhaps you’ve heard about the mysterious news reports of birds falling from the sky all over the world. Well, according to crackpot religious prophet Cindy Jacobs, we can blame it on the gays.

Sadly, this one isn’t a prank. But at least it gave Anderson Cooper a chance to issue this smackdown on CNN.

As long as there are haters like Robertson and Jacobs blaming everything on gays, there will be a place for the pranksters and the satirists. We don’t know what God you believe in (if any), but one thing we know for sure is “God Hates Signs!” Now, go out there and have lots of gay sex. It’s 68 degrees in West Hollywood, and we want to make a snowman. So, get busy!


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