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Mar 05 2015

Fifty Shades Fantasy vs. Reality:
Exploring Your Kinks Safely

0

by Kate M.

We encourage sexual adventure, and we’ve been delighted to see how many people have felt inspired to try something new after seeing Fifty Shades of Grey. For those of you who can’t wait to start tying each other up, just like in the movie, we’d like to offer some alternative options that are much safer and just as much fun.

fifty shades bondage

Fantasy
Go to your local hardware store and buy some zip ties. It’s bondage time!

Reality
As much as we love repurposing household items as kinky toys (see: clothespins as nipple clamps), we recommend that you steer clear of zip ties, which are easy to tighten and impossible to loosen. If you’re restraining your partner’s wrists or ankles, make sure that your restraints aren’t digging into the skin, and that they’re not going to tighten further while you play. (You should be able to slip a couple of fingers between the restraint and your partner’s body.) Too-tight bondage can cut off your partner’s circulation and even cause nerve damage — and that’s even more likely to happen when the restraint is thin, like a zip tie. Wrist and ankle cuffs are great because you can set them at a comfortable level of snugness and then play without worry.

Also, we guarantee that the customer service staff at Home Depot does not want to know what you’re going to do with that rope. Save the broad hints and meaningful winks for your partner. (Or visit an adult store, where the staff would be happy to speak frankly about what kind of restraints would best suit your needs.)

fifty shades bondage 2

Fantasy
Set up slipknots ahead of time to bind your partner’s wrists and ankles. That way, you can restrain your partner quickly and move on to the fun stuff!

Reality
Slipknots are dangerous for the same reason that zip ties are dangerous. You can find instructions for basic, safe rope ties easily online or in books like the excellent Two Knotty Boys instructional guides. Also, safe rope bondage may take a little longer, but it can definitely be part of the fun! Why not use the time to build anticipation by telling your partner all about what you’ll do to them once they’re tied up and at your mercy? If you’re nervous about your rope skills, a blindfold is your best friend: your partner never has to see you checking your work against the instructions.

fifty shades bondage 3fifty shades bondage 4

Fantasy
Want to play? Pull out your favorite toy and start smacking your partner with it. They’ll love it!

Reality
As you may have noticed, warm-up can mean the difference between enjoying hours of hot dungeon sex and crying in an elevator on your way out of your millionaire ex-boyfriend’s apartment. Before you start whacking your partner, physically warm up their skin by increasing blood flow to the areas that you’re going to hit. Try massage, and/or try starting out with softer kinds of impact: light spanking, even through underwear, or a gentler toy like a fur- or plush-lined paddle or a small suede flogger. Working up to harder impact is often what differentiates fun pain from bad pain. If you both want to, this is also good time to help your partner get aroused. Being turned on increases a person’s pain threshold, making sensations that might otherwise be unpleasant sexy and enjoyable. When you take your time with warm-up, it lets the receiver’s brain start releasing endorphins, and that adds up to lots of erotic, blissful responses!

The art of bondage

Fantasy
Have your partner lie on their back, then flog their stomach.

Reality
If you want to flog your partner’s stomach (where many of their organs live), use the tiniest, cutest, softest flogger in the whole world. (The Lelo Sensua Whip is a good option.) There are really relatively few areas on the body that can safely take more than some light surface impact. Here’s a great diagram of where it is and isn’t safe to smack. 

fifty shades bondage 5

Fantasy
Restrain your partner’s wrists so that their arms are pulled straight up above their head.

Reality
There’s nothing intrinsically unsafe about this, but there are a few things to keep in mind. Keeping one’s arms above one’s head for an extended period of time will affect circulation, which can lead to dizziness and even fainting. Make sure that you build in a break or a change in position if you’re playing for a long time. If your partner has a heart condition or diabetes, this is a particular concern; in that case, steer clear of this particular position. There are many more to choose from!

fifty shades bondage 6

Fantasy
Draw up a contract about how your partner should behave. Get it notarized. If your partner breaks the contract, prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law.

Reality
BDSM contracts aren’t legally enforceable — after all, slavery is illegal — and trying to strong-arm your partner into doing what you want makes you a crummy partner. Contracts can be great fantasy fodder, but when you’re deciding what you’d like to try together, there are better ways to negotiate.

Feb 20 2015

Fifty Shades Fantasy vs. Reality:
Negotiate Your BDSM like a Badass

0

by Kate M.

fifty shades contract 1
Despite what it might sound like (and despite what you may have seen in a certain popular book-turned-movie), BDSM negotiation is not a competition in which two partners use fancy legal jargon to try to win an argument about what their sexytimes will look like. (That’s a fun fantasy, but in real life, it’s more likely to leave you resentful and upset than ready to go.) Instead, it’s a collaboration in which both (or all) partners discover what they might like to enjoy together.

For folks who are unfamiliar with the lingo, BDSM is an acronym that encompasses bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. We’ll be using “scene” to refer to the period of time in which BDSM is happening and “play” to mean just about anything that can happen within a BDSM scene, from dirty talk to heavy flogging.

Want to fulfill all of your kinky fantasies? This is where to start, especially when you’re playing with someone for the first time.

fifty shades contract 4
“But doesn’t negotiation take away the spontaneity?”
“Think of it this way: we can have a lot more fun once I know what makes you tick.”

1. Negotiate as equals, not from a power dynamic. 
You may be the most intense dominant that ever dominated, or the most passive submissive, but this isn’t the time to make demands or ask permission. Both of your wants and needs matter and deserve to be given equal weight.

2. Tell your partner what you like and don’t like.
Likes and dislikes can go by degrees, so be as specific as you can. For instance:
“I like being pinched, except on my inner thighs.”
“I like the Neon Wand, but I can only take it for a few minutes.”
“I like tickling my partner’s feet until they shout with laughter.”
“I like being spanked really hard until I bruise.”
“I like being called names, but don’t call me ‘toy’.”
“I like being called names, especially ‘whore’.”
“I like being called ‘Mistress’, but I don’t like being called ‘ma’am.’”
“I don’t like being bitten, so you can use that as punishment if you want to.”
“I don’t like pain, but I like proving that I can take it.”
“I like being spanked because it turns me on; I like being slapped in the face because it makes me afraid.”

Don’t know what you like? Talk about what you’d like to try, or take a look at a yes/no/maybe list.

Don’t know how to do something? Do a little research first to make sure that you can do it safely!

fifty shades contract 2
“He wants to ‘cyber’? What’s a cyber?”

3. Don’t say “ew.”
You’re both sharing some pretty personal information, and that can be scary! You don’t have to try everything that your partner wants to try, and vice versa, but you do have to be kind and respectful. If you’re surprised by something your partner says, ask them what about that particular kink or scenario appeals to them. On that note…

4. Find common ground.
What if one of you wants to try something that makes the other uncomfortable? Drill down to the core of the fantasy and find what about it appeals to you most . If you want to do teacher/student role play, but your partner doesn’t want to try age play, can you find another fantasy that appeals to you for similar reasons? If you like the power dynamic, you could try a boss/employee role play. If you want to be playful and innocent, you could role play as a sheltered heiress or even a fairy.

5. Tell your partner your limits.
These are things your partner should never do. Even if it’s something you don’t think they’ll do in the context of the scene, mention it.

fifty shades contract 3
“Sorry, handsy-buttsy is a limit for me.”

6. Tell each other about any relevant injuries or medical conditions. 
“I have bad knees, so I can’t kneel for long periods.”
“I’m dealing with chronic pain, so I don’t want to physically hold you down. I can cuff you ahead of time if you like to struggle.”

7. Talk through what you’d like to do together.
Come up with a list of activities that’s good for both of you. You don’t have to outline the whole scene if you don’t want to, but you should both have some idea of what to expect.

8. Establish whether surprises are okay.
Before you start playing, ask your partner if you can do something that they haven’t explicitly okayed, as long as it isn’t one of their limits. (For instance, you might decide in the middle of a scene that it’s the perfect time to bite your partner’s ear, but you never discussed biting.) If they say no, then anything you haven’t negotiated is off the table.

50 shades movie
“All opposed to surprise pony play say ‘neigh.’”
“I said yes to the riding crop, but I did not agree to the painfully bad jokes.”

9. Check your assumptions.
Do you always have sex with your play partners? Do you always kiss them? Do you always call them sir? Or slut? Do you always give them orders? Do you always punish disobedience? Think through what you expect in a play encounter, and then ask about every element of it, even the ones that you think you can take for granted.

10. Set up safewords, and make sure you both know what they mean.
Choose a word that means “stop” that won’t come up in another context. This is really useful for situations in which “Ow, shit, you sick motherfucker!” can mean “You push my buttons in all the right ways.”

Many people use the stoplight system, in which “red” usually means “stop everything” and yellow can mean a few things, including “stop that specific thing you’re doing,” “check in with me,” or “I’m almost ready to stop, so start winding it down.” You can see how confusing (and potentially upsetting) it would be if you said “yellow” meaning “let’s stop and deal with the fact that this cuff is digging painfully into my ankle,” and your partner thought that you meant “I’ll be ready to stop in a few minutes,” and kept going.

11. Decide what you’d like aftercare to look like. 
Unless you’ve both agreed otherwise, it’s just common decency to take care of the person you’ve just been spanking. BDSM requires a lot of trust on both sides, and many people find themselves physically and mentally drained afterwards (often in a good way, like when you’ve just finished a long run or a satisfying and demanding project). It’s extra nice to establish ahead of time what the receiving partner might like afterwards, and to have any relevant materials on hand: a soft blanket, for instance, or a snack. Some people like to be cuddled, and some prefer to be left alone to regroup for a minute. Your partner might want to be praised for how well he took his punishment, or she might like you to tell her a bad joke in order to bring her back to reality. Just ask.

fifty shades of grey contract 6
“We’re gonna aftercare like we just don’t care.”

12. Remember: negotiation can be sexy.
You are talking about what you want to do to each other. How is that not foreplay?

Jul 12 2012

Our Staff’s Desert Island Porn Picks

0

by thepleasurechest

With tens of thousands of porn titles to choose from, it can be a challenge to choose a DVD for a hot evening at home. To make it easier, we’ve polled our staff and come up with a not-quite-definitive list of dirty movies we’d take to a desert island. Here are some of our favorites.

Star Wars XXX

If you’re a Star Wars fanatic, you might be annoyed with the inaccuracies in this film, but they’ve done a pretty good job with the look of the movie (except for Chewbacca– he’s a little disturbing). But the best part of this movie is that it’s genuinely funny at times. Tom Byron really steals the show. He’s hilarious. I found myself fast forwarding through the sex scenes to get back to the story. – Mary

 

Tristan Taormino’s Chemistry Series

I like this one for its personality, humor, good example of negotiation, and hot scenes that span a huge range of types of sex. It bridges education with fun, hot porn.- Victor

Chemistry 1 was the DVD that got me excited about porn! There’s an authenticity to the scenes that is super hot and fun. Tristan Taormino manages to capture real chemistry and it is fantastic. – Sarah T.

 

 

The Fashionistas

Most often, hardcore and/or kinky porn lacks context let alone storyline or plot. Fashionistas is a classic, not to mention epically filthy film that maintains a strong storyline. There’s just something in Belladonna’s eyes and smirk that makes me feel like she really loves her work. And that’s always a turn-on for someone less interested in the high-gloss, unconvincing moaning of other pornography.- Hana

 

Jock Itch

Forget the cheerleaders! These hot jocks get down and dirty with each other. High school fantasies fulfilled! - Karen

 

Incubus 

It’s very male. It’s very hot. The men are solid! - Still Ticking

 

 

 Pirates

Janine at her hottest! Dominating men and women left and right on a boat! This was the first porn film to have a red carpet premier at Grauman’s Chinese Theater. That’s old Hollywood class. –  Jess

 

 

Billy Castro Does the Mission

My fave porn ever! Billy is the sexiest! His scene with Dylan Ryan is the best in any porno I’ve watched. Rough and playful– my favorite combo! – Larkin

behind the green doorBehind the Green Door

The storyline involves abduction and forced sex, but it’s done in a caring and liberating way that is common in 70s porn. It also has the longest, most psychedelic cumshot of all time. It’s the kind of thing you could play on repeat at a party. – Mary

 

The Crash Pad Series

A great choice for those interested in authentic interactions and negotiations, a body and sex positive project, and a broad spectrum of scenes. I love that in any given DVD from this series, you find such a gamut of kinks, couplings, bodies, and aesthetics. – Hana

 

 

Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Pegging

One of the hottest collections of pegging action I’ve ever seen! Dylan Ryan and Wolf Hudson’s scene shows it all– including the communication that makes pegging successful. Also, Christian is taking it up the ass from Jada Fire? And Jiz Lee nails a scene with Mickey Mod? What’s not to love?- Sarah S.

 

Rough Sex

This  has one of my all-time favorite scenes: a stranded Satine Phoenix getting fucked by– and abandoned by– Derrick Pierce. I love that the director includes interviews with the stars whose fantasies are being realized in these scenes. – Sarah S.

 

The Look

Jeff Stryker! Jeff is a fucking genius when it comes to dirty talk. I love anything with him in it. It’s the type of porn you can watch with your pals and laugh at the ridiculous dialogue, but then after they leave, you can totally jerk off to it. Je t’aime Jeff Stryker! – Larkin

 

Alice in Wonderland: An Adult Musical Comedy

It’s got a musical number called “What’s a Nice Girl Doing On a Knight Like This?” Need I say more? This is a masterpiece of camp. – Kate

 

 

Damon and Hunter: Doing It Together

I love the story line in this video. The characters are very developed. It’s nice to gay see male porn with a more developed plot. – ACE

 

 

 

 

Apr 26 2012

8 Essentials to Fulfill
Your “50 Shades” Fantasies

4

by thepleasurechest

Has Fifty Shades of Grey turned you on to the erotic possibilities of bondage and submission? If so, you won’t want to miss our new workshop Fifty Shades of Pleasure, which will teach you how to safely explore your kinky fantasies. If you want to play like Grey, here are eight essentials you’ll need, paired with steamy quotes from the books.

Riding Crop

“He walks round me again, trailing the crop around the middle of my body. On his second circuit, he suddenly flicks the crop, and it hits me underneath my behind… against my sex.”

Cumfy Cuffs

“He produces some leather cuffs from his back pocket and reaches around me. This is it. Where’s he going to take me this time?”

Smartballs

“…the balls weigh down inside me, massaging me internally. It’s such a weird feeling and not entirely unpleasant. In fact, my breathing accelerates as I stretch up for a glass from the kitchen cabinet, and I gasp. Oh my… I may have to keep these. They make me needy, needy for sex.”

Ultra Blindfold

“He reaches down, lifts my chin, and plants a soft wet kiss on my lips before slipping the blindfold over my eyes.”

Rhinestone Glamour Cuffs

“Handcuffs! We’ve never used handcuffs. I glance quickly and nervously at the bed. Where the hell is he going to attach those?”

Njoy Pure Plug

“He moves one of his hands from my hips and twists the plug again, tugging it slowly, pulling it out and pushing it back in. The feeling is indescribable, and I think I’m going to pass out on the table.”

Magic Wand Original

“He plants soft wet kisses on my shoulder as he withdraws his fingers from me, and moves the wand down. It oscillates over my stomach, my belly, onto my sex, against my clitoris. Fuck, it’s intense.”

“What am I going to do? I want him, but on his terms? I just don’t know. Perhaps I should negotiate what I want. Go through that ridiculous contract line by line and say what is acceptable and what isn’t.”

For more information on BDSM, be sure to check out our selection of instructional books, including the excellent SM101.

Sep 24 2011

40 Ways to Make Life Sexier

0

by thepleasurechest

We asked our LA store staff for their favorite sex tips. Here’s what they said…

Hard to remember to do your Kegel exercises? Do them at traffic lights! Every time you stop at a red light, squeeze for as long as you can, or until the light turns green, whichever comes first. -Sandra

Wrestle! The physical contact will make you sweaty, get your heart rate up and make you laugh. -Alicia

Buy a great lube, even if you think you don’t “need” one. Sometimes getting extra slippery can be just what the night needs. -Alicia

Take over one of your partner’s chores for a day. Let them relax and expect nothing in return (though you’ll probably get something!). -Alicia

Attend free sex workshops together. Get inspired! -Alicia

Find a great porn that really does it for you. -Alicia

Go down on someone without expecting anything in return. It’s sexy, fun and a good deed! -Alicia

Come up with a catchphrase to let your partner know you’re thinking of him or her naked. (Example: “Elephants are my favorite animal!”) With your partner’s consent, use the phrase often and in very public settings.  -Alicia

Roleplay! Make up a totally different persona and have your partner do the same. Don’t tell each other the details ahead of time. Meet at a predetermined location, commit to your newly acquired identities and let the sparks fly! -Oriana 

For women, the foreplay begins at dinner, not necessarily in the bedroom. Master the art of mental seduction by being attentive, making eye contact and engaging her in stimulating conversation. After all, nothing is sexier than a confident man or woman with brains to boot. -Oriana

The key to a sexy time is communication. Honestly discuss your dos and don’ts and learn to respect each other’s boundaries. It will make for a much more enjoyable time for all involved. -Oriana

Have an edible night! Edible body paint, chocolate-covered strawberries and whipped cream all have sexy possibilities. -Oriana

Whether you’ve been naughty or nice, a little spanking in the bedroom is always appropriate! Experiment with different positions rhythms. Use your hands or grab a wooden spoon from the kitchen. Just make sure to replace it afterwards! -Oriana

If your partner is female-bodied, don’t use oil-based lube, not even for anal play, as it can lead to a bacterial infection. Opt for a silicone, water-based or hybrid lube instead! -Madison

Buy great underwear. It can literally change your day. -Alicia

Compliment others. Putting all the positive energy into the world is bound to pay off somehow. Making others smile usually elicits the same response in ourselves.  -Alicia

Have a nooner. Sex in broad daylight just seems naughtier. -Alicia

Never underestimate the power of sexting. Fire up your imagination early in the day. By the time the evening comes, you won’t be able to control yourselves. -Alicia

Putting a cheeky finger in a willing butt is always fun. But be kind and lube that bad boy up before getting the party started! Spit is a sexy option, but may dry too quickly. -Madison

Set the scene! Light some candles, put together a sexy playlist, get your sexy ensemble on and make sure all your toys are at hand. -Madison

Ladies, own at least one set of sexy lingerie. Pull it out and surprise your partner(s)! Don’t have any? Bring your partner to The Pleasure Chest and pick something sexy out. -Madison

Prostitution roleplay! Have your partner meet you at a seedy motel. Dress up sexy and make them pay for it. Return home and ask them how their day went. Act like it never happened. -Kitty

Layer your sensations! Use a clit toy, nipple clamps and a toy in your ass, all at the same time, and take your orgasm to the next level. -Jamila

Do a sexy photoshoot alone or with your partner(s). Make it as tasteful or as raunchy as you want. -Alicia

Have naked movie dates. Watch a regular movie while completely nude. Try not to fool around during the entire movie. Even if you lose, you win! -Alicia

Put a little ice in your mouth before performing oral sex. The cold might be a welcome surprise to your lover. -Jess

Use bondage tape to make an outfit. Then have your lover cut it off. -Mary

Try gender play. A packer will put you in touch with your masculinity and make you feel sexy. Or, if you’ve always imagined yourself with breasts, try a pair of breast forms. Wear both at the same time and be a pomosexual gender warrior. -Matt

Gag reflex problem? Instead of numbing your throat with a spray, try swallowing! The act of swallowing should override your gag reflex. -Jess

Want to sweeten your come? Drink pineapple juice regularly! -Jess

Play the “Who can make the other come first?” game! Try your very best to make your partner climax before they make you come. The object of the game is to hold back for as long as you can, delaying that sweet, sweet release. -Shay

When you’re giving a blowjob, use thicker gel lubricant like Good Head. This will coat your mouth much better than a traditional water-based lube, so you can really get your face fucked! -Mykey

Try some sensory deprivation. Intensify your partner’s experience, or your own, by adding a blindfold and earplugs (or earbuds playing some mood-setting music). Taking away the ability to see and hear will not only heighten your sense of touch, but also add the thrill of “what’s coming next?” Have fun with it. Massage, sensation play, toys. The possibilities are endless! -Shay

Apply Nipple Nibblers to your asshole for a cool, tingly sensation. It will also make your asshole sweet and leave your lover’s tongue tingling. -Mykey

Invest in one really good toy, like a stainless steel Njoy plug or a Jimmyjane Form 2. -Lillian

Keep your partner’s package locked until you’re ready to play with a chastity device like the CB6000 or the Birdlocked. -Matt

This one’s perfect for an anniversary or birthday surprise. Buy a wireless vibrator with remote control. Wear the vibrator and then gift wrap the controller. When your partner unwraps it and asks what it does, tell them to switch it on and see your reaction. Or, if you want to be in charge, gift wrap the vibrator. When they open it, switch on the controls, so that it vibrates in their hand. Either way, you’re both in for a fun night. -Sandra

 Make a replica of your partner’s penis. You can use it when you’re apart and missing him. Or, tie him up and tease him, while he watches you get yourself off with his clone. For more fun, bend him over, lube him up and fuck him with his own cock. -Matt

Take a bath together. It’s a wonderful way to relax, and also great foreplay. Bring a waterproof toy to play with. Wash each other’s bits before the main event. – Matt

Write erotica starring yourself! - Lillian

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jun 17 2011

Sounding? Sounds like fun!

0

by thepleasurechest

A sound is a medical instrument designed to stretch or enlarge the urethra. Sounds were originally developed to identify obstructions in the urethra, and to stretch the passage, allowing the flow of urine and semen. This tool was used to “sound the depths” of a patient’s urethra, in the same way that one measure’s the depth of water.

Sounds are also rapidly becoming a popular tool in the kinkster toybox, winning popularity with CBT enthusiasts, medical players and anyone looking to experience a new sensation during sex.

Surgilube

Sounds sexy!

It is! Sounding stimulates nerves you’ve never felt before. The sensation is often described as begin given a hand job from the inside.

A sound is usually inserted while the receiver (or “bottom”) is on his back. The sound is inserted into the meatus (also known to us regular folks as the “piss hole’). It should be allowed to slide down the urethra by gravity. You should never force or push a sound in. It’s always a good idea to use plenty of lube; we recommend Surgilube, a sterile medical lubricant. It may take awhile to find the natural path. Once inserted the weight of the sound should be supported by hand, as they are quite heavy.

After the sound is in place, you can create pleasurable sensations by sliding it gently up and down the shaft. You can also tap against the exposed end of the sound with another metal object or place a vibrator against it. We suggest a silicone vibrator, or something with a soft tip, as it will make gentler contact with the metal sound. Advanced players often like to combine sounding with electro-stimulation, using the exposed end as an electrical contact. Many players prefer to gently masturbate while sounding, reporting explosive orgasms.

Sounds like it’s for boys only!

Sounding is for girls too, but a woman’s urethra is much shorter than a man’s. For this reason, women looking to explore urethral play should try Hegar sounds. The Hegar sounds were actually developed for cervical dilation, but are also quite useful for urethral sounding. The Hegar sounds have a slight “S” curve, and are shorter than other designs. They also make excellent beginner sounds for men.

Sounds risky!

If you don’t take precautions, sounding can cause irritation, tearing and even a urinary tract infection. Infection can spread to the bladder, resulting in further complications. For this reason, it’s important to sterilize your sounds before each use. Unless you have an autoclave handy, you’ll want to boil your sounds. Some even suggest using a pressure cooker. You can also use a mixture of 9 parts water to one part bleach to clean your sounds.

When inserting a sound, use Surgilube, a sterile medical lubricant, to minimize the risk of infection. It is recommended to that you use the single serve packets rather than the tube, to minimize the possibility of contamination.

If you’re planning on sharing sounds with another person, all of the precautions we mentioned are doubly important.

Sounds complicated!

ss sound

Stainless Steel Sounds

It can be. But exploring the different types of sensations offered by sounds is part of the fun. Here’s a quick overview:

Pratt sounds are longer, and can be up to a foot in length. They have rounded ends with a slight bend on each side. These are for advanced male players, and not recommended for women.

Rosebud sounds derive their name from the bulbous shape of the tip. This type of sound focuses the sensation in one spot.

Hegar sounds are shorter, rounded on both ends, and have a slight “S” curve. These sounds are ideal for women, but can also be used by male beginners.

Van Buren sounds are designed for reaching and stimulating the bladder, and have a pronounced curve at the end. These J-shaped sounds may be difficult to remove with an erection, so a person may have to be soft before removal.

Dittel sounds are flat on one side and rounded on the other. The flat tip acts as a grip for insertion.

There are many other types of sounds, including those made of soft, body-safe silicone and sounds that vibrate.

Sounds like I should learn more!

Yes, you probably should. If you’re new to the world of sounding, you should consider learning from an experienced practitioner. Many professional dominants are skilled in the art of sounding.

Feb 19 2011

Choosing a Nipple Toy

1

by thepleasurechest

Whether you like them tweaked, pinched, pumped or bedazzled, your nipples can be a source of erotic pleasure. But how to choose between the dozens of products designed for you precious buds? Perk up! Here’s our guide to choosing a nipple toy.

What’s your fetish?

We think that there are three main reasons that people play with their nipples:

1) Adornment

Adorning or decorating your nipples can be an exciting way to increase their visual appeal, while making you feel sexy.

Nipple Enhancers & Bedazzling

Bodyperks Nipple Enhancers– made famous on Sex & the City– are discreet silicone nubs, designed to be worn under a bra and over your real nipples. If you’re planning to go topless, there are a wide array of pasties and bedazzling products allowing you to get creative and express your own style. The Bijoux Mimi Rhinestone Pasties are eye-catching and easy to use.

2) Sensation Play

Nipples are extraordinarily sensitive, making them one of the main sites on the body for sensation play. While it’s assumed that the use of nipple clamps is primarily about pain, many people also find this activity pleasurable. All sensation exists on a continuum, and the toys designed for nipples also span the continuum from pleasant pressure to piercing pain.

The Wide World of Nipple Clamps

There are so many different sizes and styles of nipple clamps, that choosing among them can be truly intimidating. We’ve broken them down into toys which offer lighter or more distributed results to those which really get to the point!

Oooh!

  • Tweezer Clamps- This style of clamp offers the lightest and most erotic sensation. The level of intensity is easy to adjust with the sliding ring, and the pinch is distributed across the most surface area. These Sex Kitten Nips are a great choice.
  • Broad-tip- With a broad tip, you’ll feel the pinch spread across a greater surface area. The sensation will be less sharp than that produced by toys with a smaller tip. These Broad Tip Adjustable Nipple Clamps are a good choice for this kind of play. If you want an even more versatile toy capable of delivering similar results, the Press Adjustable Nipple Clamps can adapt to almost any size or shape of nipple, and offer maximum adjustability.
  • Snake Bite Kit- Though invented for sucking the venom out of snake bites, these have enjoyed popularity with nipple players. Simply squeeze the air out of the rubber cylinder and attach to your nipple. Like pumping, this creates a pleasurable sensation, drawing blood into the nipple and increasing sensitivity. Snake Bite Kits are also fun for attaching to the clitoris. Wherever you choose to put it, a little vibration can make it feel even better.

Ouch!

  • Alligator Clamps- These have “teeth” that look just like a gator’s open mouth. They usually have more bite than other kinds of clamps. In some cases, they can even draw blood. To avoid this, you may want to try the style that have rubber tips. These Adjustable Gator Clamps offer the best of both worlds.
  • Clover Clamps- Also known as Butterfly Clamps, these deliver a focused and intense sensation. They’re also designed to tighten when the chain is tugged, making for an interactive experience with your favorite dom.
  • Plier Clamps- Just like the name implies, these are like mini pliers for your nipples. They are not for beginners! The adjustment knob gives you the ability to build up the intensity.
  • Clothespins- It’s true. You can try nipple play with common wooden clothespins. You’ll probably discover that the tension on these differs widely, but they can be an excellent and inexpensive way to try sensation play.

3) Enlargement

For some people, bigger is better, and since nipples are erectile tissue, they can be stretched and enlarged, to increase their visual appeal. The process of enlargement can also be pleasurable, and result in greater nipple sensitivity.

Pumping & Enlargement Products

Pumps work by creating a suction vacuum around your nipple, stretching the tissue and drawing blood into it. If you’re just starting out, this Nipple Bulb is the ideal choice. It comes with four rubber rings designed to encircle the nipple and keep its shape. If you decide to make a serious commitment to enlarging your nipples, you can invest in a pumping system. These Nipple Cylinders come in three different sizes and can be attached to a pump. Make sure to pick a size that’s closest to (though bigger than) your current size. This way, you can increase your size gradually.

Weights ‘n Things

If your nipples are begging for more, remember that you can also add weight to your clamps. These Steel Weights come in 6oz. and 10oz. sizes, and can be attached to most nipple and cock toys with a D-ring. For added excitement, you can also get nipple clamps with built-in bullet vibes, combining pinch with vibration.

Tips for Using Nipple Toys

Remember that choosing the right toy is only part of discovering the joys of sensation play.

Location- You’ll likely discover that where you place the clamp is a big factor in the resulting sensation. In general, the smaller the surface area being clamped, the more intense the pain. If you want a more distributed effect, pull your nipple out, and place the clamp closer to the base of your nipple. If you really want to feel the pinch, place the clamp closer to the tip.

Duration- As with most sensation play, you will experience an endorphin rush, as your body responds to the pain of the clamps. After a while, you may adapt to the clamps. This can be deceptive! Remember that the most intense pain you’re likely to experience during nipple play comes when you remove the clamps and the blood rushes back into the nipple. The longer you leave the clamp in place, the more intense the feeling when you finally remove it.

Jan 22 2011

BDSM for Beginners

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by thepleasurechest

You’ve probably seen some form of BDSM depicted on television, in movies, or even snuck into an otherwise “vanilla” porno film. Maybe it made you curious, maybe it turned you on, or maybe it turned your partner on and now you sleep with one eye open, afraid that some night you’ll wake up to get a glass of water and find yourself tied to the bed. Well fear not, adventurous friend, for BDSM is all about mutual consent and negotiated boundaries. There’s a whole lot to learn, and we carry several books and DVDs to help you along on your journey, but this is quick guide to get you started.

We hear a lot of questions from people about BDSM. Here are some common ones:

“Wait, what is BDSM again?”

BDSM is the commonly used catchall term for bondage, discipline, submission, dominance, sadism, and masochism. It can include role-playing with dominant and submissive roles, restraints, sensation play (exploring with ice cubes or hot wax, or deprivation with gags or blindfolds), impact play (such as spanking or flogging), and much more.

“Doesn’t all this hurt? Why would anyone like pain?”

The idea that BDSM is all about pain is incorrect, although most agree that certain things that would be painful in a street fight, like someone scraping their nails across your skin, can feel great and be totally hot in the right context. For many BDSM players, the pleasure is not only in the sensation, but the connection and intimacy between partners in a situation where communication and trust is of the utmost importance. The power dynamics involved in BDSM, whether you are playing master and submissive or calculus teacher and failing football star eager to get the grade, can be extremely erotic.

“Okay, so maybe I like it when my partner blindfolds me and tickles my feet no matter how much I try to wiggle away, but what if I REALLY want them to stop?”

In the BDSM world, players make up a safe word to let their play partner know when they need to stop or slow down. Words like “stop” or “ouch” don’t work well as safe words because, especially in the midst of intense power play or discipline, they can seem like part of the action. It’s important, for that reason, to pick a very specific safe word that you and your partner will remember easily. It can be as simple as “yellow” for slow down and “red” for stop, or you can get more creative, as long as it stands out.

“I’m really liking the sound of this. Uh oh, does that mean I’m a freaky sexual deviant?”

No way! The thing to remember is that the motto for the BDSM community is Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Sometimes, especially as depicted in the mainstream media, scenes of BDSM can seem intimidating at best and downright abusive at worst. This is not the case at all because, in real life, people involved in BDSM acts have discussed their boundaries, desires, and safe words ahead of time. They discourage or ban use of drugs or alcohol during play or playing with an unclear mind.

Keep in mind that enjoying BDSM doesn’t mean you have to give up your job at Pottery Barn and move into a dungeon. Some people are “lifestyle players” within their relationships or daily lives, but many choose to only bust out the ball gag late at night or bring out the suspension hooks on the weekends or simply add a little spice to their regular sex lives with a blindfold and ice cubes. You can incorporate as much or as little BDSM into your life as you want. It’s all about what turns you and your partner on.

“Wow, thanks! I totally feel so much better! Should I go out and get a leather face mask, bullwhip, and spreader bar right now???”

Enthusiasm noted and appreciated, but no. When beginning to explore BDSM, it’s best to start out slowly, not only for safety’s sake, but for your wallet as well, until you know a little more about what you like and how to use more advanced implements. Since communication is so important in the practice of BDSM, the first place to start, of course, is by talking with your partner. If you need some guidance, use the Yes/No/Maybe List, one of our favorite tools to get people talking about sex, desires, and boundaries. Depending on your comfort level you can try role-playing and begin to play with power dynamics.

Reading books like The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book, or SM 101, and watching instructional or erotic BDSM DVDs like the classic fetish extravaganza Fashionistas can help you learn new tricks and figure out what kinds of things tickle (or slap) your fancy the most. Speaking of a sexy slap session, spanking is a great place to start exploring. Use your hand at first so you have optimal control of the impact and stroke. Focus on fleshy parts like the ass and thighs, and eventually you can try something like a crop or slapper.

“Is there any other gear you’d recommend for beginners?”

As far as restraints go, we highly recommend using cuffs made of neoprene or leather that buckle at the wrist or ankle. You can attach them together using a piece of chain, rope, or an Under the Bed Restraints kit. Traditional handcuffs or silk scarves can tighten suddenly and cause pain and loss of circulation. We also love guiding absolute beginners to the Pleasure Tape because it is safe and versatile. The vinyl tape sticks to itself but not your skin, so it’s sturdy but easy to remove. You can practice using it to bind hands, feet, as a gag or blindfold, even for total mummification without the fear of cutting off circulation or ripping off anything important when it’s removed. A light flogger, pinwheel, or adjustable nipple clamps are a great for exploring sensation play.

The most important thing to remember (aside from your safe word) is that communication and trust are key elements to enjoyable BDSM play, and any sex, really. It’s okay to experiment and have fun, just as it’s okay to have a deep spiritual experience. Our bodies and their varied responses to stimuli are what make sexual encounters so exciting and pleasurable.