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May 15 2015

Role Play for the Nervous Beginner

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by thepleasurechest

role play

From what we’ve heard around the store, a lot of people are afraid of role play because they don’t want to feel silly. We think that’s a shame. After all, role play is a great way to expand your sexual palate.

Role play lets you give yourself permission to try things that are out of character, for the simple reason that you are playing a different character. Nervous that your girlfriend will laugh at you when you tell her to get on her knees and beg? Well, you’re not talking to your girlfriend; you’re talking to Sexy Werewolf. And if Sexy Werewolf laughs at you? It’s okay, she’s really laughing at Sexy Mad Scientist.

Also, she’s really laughing with you. You’re probably also laughing, because role play is almost inherently giggly, at least at first. You’re probably both feeling a little self-conscious, and laughter is a common defense when you’re nervous. Plus, role play is silly. You’re pretending to be other people, and those people are usually sexpots. Embrace the camp.

Okay, so you’re sold on the idea of role play. Where do you start?

role playFirst, choose your scenario. Try drawing from:

- Fantasies you’ve had: Do you like the idea of being tied down and tortured? Try a military interrogation scene. Of being pampered with hot baths and bon bons by a shirtless hottie? Let’s play (some variation of) master and servant.

- Movies and books: This definitely, definitely includes porn and erotica, but it’s not limited to it. Do you find yourself spacing out to explicit Holmes/Watson fantasies? Don’t dream it – be it.

- Real life wish-fulfillment: You didn’t get laid on prom night, but you will tonight.

Got a scenario in mind? Time to get your costumes and props in order!

role play 4Strictly speaking, costumes and props aren’t necessary, but they’re so much fun! Besides, it’s a lot easier to let yourself behave like Sexua, Ruthless Purveyor of Martian Pleasures, when you’re wearing latex opera gloves than when you’re wearing pajamas.

- Try getting dressy. You don’t have to track down a military uniform or invest in an ermine robe. Often, cocktail attire lifts you far enough out of the daily grind that it gets the job done.

- Add some accessories. Rhinestone pasties or a flattering collar will make all the difference.

- Incorporate your toys. A beloved flogger becomes that much more exciting when wielded by a cross schoolmistress, a Wartenberg pinwheel is as useful for playing doctor as for playing inquisitor, and you know that James Bond would have fun letting the Bond Girl decide which dildo he should strap on for her.

Alright, your supplies are in order. Now:

- Decide how you’re going to start. Will one of you run outside and ring the doorbell? Will it start immediately as soon as you both get home? Will you be building up to it all day over text and email?

- Decide who’s going to initiate sex. This sounds a little clinical, but trust us. Hot scenes can fizzle out if each of you is waiting for the other to make sex happen.

Get it? Good. Go get dressed up and have hot wizard sex.

Mar 05 2015

Fifty Shades Fantasy vs. Reality:
Exploring Your Kinks Safely

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by Kate M.

We encourage sexual adventure, and we’ve been delighted to see how many people have felt inspired to try something new after seeing Fifty Shades of Grey. For those of you who can’t wait to start tying each other up, just like in the movie, we’d like to offer some alternative options that are much safer and just as much fun.

fifty shades bondage

Fantasy
Go to your local hardware store and buy some zip ties. It’s bondage time!

Reality
As much as we love repurposing household items as kinky toys (see: clothespins as nipple clamps), we recommend that you steer clear of zip ties, which are easy to tighten and impossible to loosen. If you’re restraining your partner’s wrists or ankles, make sure that your restraints aren’t digging into the skin, and that they’re not going to tighten further while you play. (You should be able to slip a couple of fingers between the restraint and your partner’s body.) Too-tight bondage can cut off your partner’s circulation and even cause nerve damage — and that’s even more likely to happen when the restraint is thin, like a zip tie. Wrist and ankle cuffs are great because you can set them at a comfortable level of snugness and then play without worry.

Also, we guarantee that the customer service staff at Home Depot does not want to know what you’re going to do with that rope. Save the broad hints and meaningful winks for your partner. (Or visit an adult store, where the staff would be happy to speak frankly about what kind of restraints would best suit your needs.)

fifty shades bondage 2

Fantasy
Set up slipknots ahead of time to bind your partner’s wrists and ankles. That way, you can restrain your partner quickly and move on to the fun stuff!

Reality
Slipknots are dangerous for the same reason that zip ties are dangerous. You can find instructions for basic, safe rope ties easily online or in books like the excellent Two Knotty Boys instructional guides. Also, safe rope bondage may take a little longer, but it can definitely be part of the fun! Why not use the time to build anticipation by telling your partner all about what you’ll do to them once they’re tied up and at your mercy? If you’re nervous about your rope skills, a blindfold is your best friend: your partner never has to see you checking your work against the instructions.

fifty shades bondage 3fifty shades bondage 4

Fantasy
Want to play? Pull out your favorite toy and start smacking your partner with it. They’ll love it!

Reality
As you may have noticed, warm-up can mean the difference between enjoying hours of hot dungeon sex and crying in an elevator on your way out of your millionaire ex-boyfriend’s apartment. Before you start whacking your partner, physically warm up their skin by increasing blood flow to the areas that you’re going to hit. Try massage, and/or try starting out with softer kinds of impact: light spanking, even through underwear, or a gentler toy like a fur- or plush-lined paddle or a small suede flogger. Working up to harder impact is often what differentiates fun pain from bad pain. If you both want to, this is also good time to help your partner get aroused. Being turned on increases a person’s pain threshold, making sensations that might otherwise be unpleasant sexy and enjoyable. When you take your time with warm-up, it lets the receiver’s brain start releasing endorphins, and that adds up to lots of erotic, blissful responses!

The art of bondage

Fantasy
Have your partner lie on their back, then flog their stomach.

Reality
If you want to flog your partner’s stomach (where many of their organs live), use the tiniest, cutest, softest flogger in the whole world. (The Lelo Sensua Whip is a good option.) There are really relatively few areas on the body that can safely take more than some light surface impact. Here’s a great diagram of where it is and isn’t safe to smack. 

fifty shades bondage 5

Fantasy
Restrain your partner’s wrists so that their arms are pulled straight up above their head.

Reality
There’s nothing intrinsically unsafe about this, but there are a few things to keep in mind. Keeping one’s arms above one’s head for an extended period of time will affect circulation, which can lead to dizziness and even fainting. Make sure that you build in a break or a change in position if you’re playing for a long time. If your partner has a heart condition or diabetes, this is a particular concern; in that case, steer clear of this particular position. There are many more to choose from!

fifty shades bondage 6

Fantasy
Draw up a contract about how your partner should behave. Get it notarized. If your partner breaks the contract, prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law.

Reality
BDSM contracts aren’t legally enforceable — after all, slavery is illegal — and trying to strong-arm your partner into doing what you want makes you a crummy partner. Contracts can be great fantasy fodder, but when you’re deciding what you’d like to try together, there are better ways to negotiate.

Feb 20 2015

Fifty Shades Fantasy vs. Reality:
Negotiate Your BDSM like a Badass

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by Kate M.

fifty shades contract 1
Despite what it might sound like (and despite what you may have seen in a certain popular book-turned-movie), BDSM negotiation is not a competition in which two partners use fancy legal jargon to try to win an argument about what their sexytimes will look like. (That’s a fun fantasy, but in real life, it’s more likely to leave you resentful and upset than ready to go.) Instead, it’s a collaboration in which both (or all) partners discover what they might like to enjoy together.

For folks who are unfamiliar with the lingo, BDSM is an acronym that encompasses bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. We’ll be using “scene” to refer to the period of time in which BDSM is happening and “play” to mean just about anything that can happen within a BDSM scene, from dirty talk to heavy flogging.

Want to fulfill all of your kinky fantasies? This is where to start, especially when you’re playing with someone for the first time.

fifty shades contract 4
“But doesn’t negotiation take away the spontaneity?”
“Think of it this way: we can have a lot more fun once I know what makes you tick.”

1. Negotiate as equals, not from a power dynamic. 
You may be the most intense dominant that ever dominated, or the most passive submissive, but this isn’t the time to make demands or ask permission. Both of your wants and needs matter and deserve to be given equal weight.

2. Tell your partner what you like and don’t like.
Likes and dislikes can go by degrees, so be as specific as you can. For instance:
“I like being pinched, except on my inner thighs.”
“I like the Neon Wand, but I can only take it for a few minutes.”
“I like tickling my partner’s feet until they shout with laughter.”
“I like being spanked really hard until I bruise.”
“I like being called names, but don’t call me ‘toy’.”
“I like being called names, especially ‘whore’.”
“I like being called ‘Mistress’, but I don’t like being called ‘ma’am.’”
“I don’t like being bitten, so you can use that as punishment if you want to.”
“I don’t like pain, but I like proving that I can take it.”
“I like being spanked because it turns me on; I like being slapped in the face because it makes me afraid.”

Don’t know what you like? Talk about what you’d like to try, or take a look at a yes/no/maybe list.

Don’t know how to do something? Do a little research first to make sure that you can do it safely!

fifty shades contract 2
“He wants to ‘cyber’? What’s a cyber?”

3. Don’t say “ew.”
You’re both sharing some pretty personal information, and that can be scary! You don’t have to try everything that your partner wants to try, and vice versa, but you do have to be kind and respectful. If you’re surprised by something your partner says, ask them what about that particular kink or scenario appeals to them. On that note…

4. Find common ground.
What if one of you wants to try something that makes the other uncomfortable? Drill down to the core of the fantasy and find what about it appeals to you most . If you want to do teacher/student role play, but your partner doesn’t want to try age play, can you find another fantasy that appeals to you for similar reasons? If you like the power dynamic, you could try a boss/employee role play. If you want to be playful and innocent, you could role play as a sheltered heiress or even a fairy.

5. Tell your partner your limits.
These are things your partner should never do. Even if it’s something you don’t think they’ll do in the context of the scene, mention it.

fifty shades contract 3
“Sorry, handsy-buttsy is a limit for me.”

6. Tell each other about any relevant injuries or medical conditions. 
“I have bad knees, so I can’t kneel for long periods.”
“I’m dealing with chronic pain, so I don’t want to physically hold you down. I can cuff you ahead of time if you like to struggle.”

7. Talk through what you’d like to do together.
Come up with a list of activities that’s good for both of you. You don’t have to outline the whole scene if you don’t want to, but you should both have some idea of what to expect.

8. Establish whether surprises are okay.
Before you start playing, ask your partner if you can do something that they haven’t explicitly okayed, as long as it isn’t one of their limits. (For instance, you might decide in the middle of a scene that it’s the perfect time to bite your partner’s ear, but you never discussed biting.) If they say no, then anything you haven’t negotiated is off the table.

50 shades movie
“All opposed to surprise pony play say ‘neigh.’”
“I said yes to the riding crop, but I did not agree to the painfully bad jokes.”

9. Check your assumptions.
Do you always have sex with your play partners? Do you always kiss them? Do you always call them sir? Or slut? Do you always give them orders? Do you always punish disobedience? Think through what you expect in a play encounter, and then ask about every element of it, even the ones that you think you can take for granted.

10. Set up safewords, and make sure you both know what they mean.
Choose a word that means “stop” that won’t come up in another context. This is really useful for situations in which “Ow, shit, you sick motherfucker!” can mean “You push my buttons in all the right ways.”

Many people use the stoplight system, in which “red” usually means “stop everything” and yellow can mean a few things, including “stop that specific thing you’re doing,” “check in with me,” or “I’m almost ready to stop, so start winding it down.” You can see how confusing (and potentially upsetting) it would be if you said “yellow” meaning “let’s stop and deal with the fact that this cuff is digging painfully into my ankle,” and your partner thought that you meant “I’ll be ready to stop in a few minutes,” and kept going.

11. Decide what you’d like aftercare to look like. 
Unless you’ve both agreed otherwise, it’s just common decency to take care of the person you’ve just been spanking. BDSM requires a lot of trust on both sides, and many people find themselves physically and mentally drained afterwards (often in a good way, like when you’ve just finished a long run or a satisfying and demanding project). It’s extra nice to establish ahead of time what the receiving partner might like afterwards, and to have any relevant materials on hand: a soft blanket, for instance, or a snack. Some people like to be cuddled, and some prefer to be left alone to regroup for a minute. Your partner might want to be praised for how well he took his punishment, or she might like you to tell her a bad joke in order to bring her back to reality. Just ask.

fifty shades of grey contract 6
“We’re gonna aftercare like we just don’t care.”

12. Remember: negotiation can be sexy.
You are talking about what you want to do to each other. How is that not foreplay?

Nov 05 2014

Semenette Q&A: How to Use our Favorite Squirting Dildo

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by Kate M.

semenette logo

Looking for a squirting dildo? We’re smitten with the Semenette, the only silicone toy of its kind. Lucky for us, Stephenie R. Berman, who designed and now sells this unique toy, agreed to chat with one of our staff and share some pro tips for getting the most out of your Semenette experience.

stephanie bermanI hear that the company has a great origin story. Would you share it?

I own a women’s reproductive health company with my family. I’ve been helping couples get pregnant since 2003. When I married my wife in 2011 and we started thinking more seriously about a family, we realized that the only options available for at-home insemination were a turkey baster or a syringe – even though I had access to all of this medical equipment.

When we started trying, I found that I just didn’t have enough hands for all of the equipment: syringe, lube, flashlight, speculum.  I started wearing a head lamp!

Wait, why did you need a flashlight?

To get the semen as close to the cervix as possible. There was nothing intimate or romantic about it. After a lot of awkward, uncomfortable, failed attempts, I started thinking about how to make the experience better overall, because anything would be better than what we were doing. I thought that if [penis-in-vagina sex] works for heterosexual couples, why wouldn’t it work for a same sex couple to mimic the experience? A year and a half later, I was knee deep in the world of sex toys. I had prototypes and a business.

How long before you could start selling them?

I started the company in 2012. The Semenette has only been on the market since February.

My wife and I did conceive using the Semenette, by the way. We have a seven month old. The most rewarding part of this job is the success stories, and I’ve heard several. I love to help people start a family with love, privacy and intimacy. I like to joke that I’m not just the president, I’m also a client.

It’s not just about pregnancy, though: it’s about intimacy and romance. I don’t want to pigeonhole this toy as a tool for home insemination.

Have you heard from customers who are using it as a toy, not primarily for insemination? Were you ever surprised by who was buying it?

I actually didn’t think of the obvious: trans men. The Semenette isn’t flexible enough to be used as a packer, but it still lets you mimic an ejaculation. I’ve heard from gay men, folks in the fetish community, and men who have erectile dysfunction or are sterile. It’s also great for straight couples who are far apart, maybe having phone sex, who want a better way to simulate being together.

semenette largeWhat sets this toy apart from other squirting dildos on the market?

The Semenette is made 100% in the U.S.A.  It’s made of medical grade silicone, which is phthalate free, non-porous, and hypoallergenic. The tubing that threads through the middle is removable and replaceable, which keeps everything clean. You can keep using the same bulb, though, since the liquid should never come in contact with the bulb.

I’m looking at the Semenette and trying to figure out how exactly I’d strap it on and what I would do with the bulb once I’m ready to go. Any tips?

It’s a standard size and the base is also a fairly standard size. I tried to make it as universal as possible, so that it could fit into almost any harness. There’s a groove on the bottom of the toy for the tubing, so that when you put it in the harness it lays flat and doesn’t kink. The tube isn’t too long, and the idea is that you can just tuck it into the harness. That’s why we made the bulb smaller – we didn’t want you to be saddled with this hulking thing.

Do you have a favorite harness to use with the Semenette?

I love any Spareparts harness!

Got any other insider tips?

When you’re drawing the liquid into the bulb, you want to be careful. That small bulb is surprisingly strong! Do a couple of trial runs with water. Make sure that you can pull the liquid in without trapping air bubbles and then test the squirtablility.

Also – and I’m not a doctor – some lubricants can be extremely toxic to sperm. If you’re trying to conceive, make sure that you’re using one that’s going to work for you.

Pleasure Chest tip: if you’re using the Semenette to mimic ejaculation, try using a hybrid lube like Liquid Silk, Sliquid Silk or Spunk for a realistic touch!

Jul 07 2014

Hate Condoms?
8 Reasons This Product is for You

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by Kate M.

female condom 2

We’d like to take a minute to sing the praises of the internal condom (also known as the female condom). Often passed over for being unfamiliar and marginally less quick to put on (or in this case in) than a traditional condom, the internal condom is the unsung hero of safer sex.

The internal condom is essentially a pouch that you insert into the vagina or the rectum, with a small, flexible ring on the inside, and a large, flexible ring that sits outside of the vaginal or anal opening, preventing the condom from being pushed inside during intercourse. For comfortable anal sex, we recommend removing the inner ring before you insert the condom.

In no particular order, here are some things that we love about the internal condom:

female condom1. Putting it in can be just as much fun as using it. If you’re using a condom at all, it’s probably because you like a) having something inside you or b) putting something inside your partner. Once you’ve lubed up the outside, inserting the internal condom is a good excuse to touch the wearer in fun ways. Why not incorporate some G-spot or prostate play, since you’re there already?

2. OR you can put it in before you have sex. If you want to get right down to business, you can always slip the internal condom in ahead of time.

3. The giver gets more friction; the receiver gets less. How convenient, since the penis tends to respond to friction, while the extended friction of a condom-clad penis can be rough on the sensitive skin of an ass or vagina.

4. Erectile dysfunction? No problem. The internal condom is effective whether or not the penis is hard. With traditional condoms, if the wearer doesn’t stay fully erect the whole time, the condom can slip off, which defeats the purpose of wearing a condom.

female condom fc25. You can use oil-based lube with it. Love the feel of oil but hate how it shreds your latex condoms? The popular FC2 brand internal condoms are made of nitrile, which is safe to use with any kind of lube you prefer.

6. It’s safe for folks with latex allergies. Again: nitrile.

7. It provides extra protection against some STIs. Because the outer ring partially covers the vulva or butt, internal condoms make transmission of HPV and herpes, both spread through skin-to-skin contact, less likely.

8. It doesn’t rustle like it used to. Okay, so part of the internal condom’s bad rap is that it used to make an annoying crinkling noise the entire time you were using it. Luckily, times have changed, and now you can have all of the fun with none of the sound effects.

May 06 2014

Our Top 5 Strap-On Pairings

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by Kate M.

Dildos and harnesses are like fine wines and gourmet cheeses (or pizza and beer, or a double feature of mid-career Nicholas Cage films): paired perfectly, each enhances the experience of the other.

Here are some of our favorite five-star dildo/harness pairings:

Strength and Comfort

joque harnessvixskin maverick

Spareparts Joque Harness & Vixskin Maverick

Our most versatile harness is also our sturdiest – perfect for a sizable toy like the deliciously realistic Vixskin Maverick. Like all Vixskin toys, the Maverick is made of dual density silicone, with a hard inner core and a soft outer layer, making it both more lifelike and more comfortable for the receiver. Speaking of comfort, the Joque is easily adjustable for folks of all sizes, and once you get it to the size you want, you can slide it easily on and off like underwear. Slip a couple of bullet vibes into its well-placed vibrator pockets, and you’ll both be buzzing with delight.

A Classic, Upgraded

jaguar harnesstantus curve

Jaguar Leather Harness & Tantus Curve

The Jaguar’s ultra-sturdy design, flattering cut and supple leather make it a stylish alternative to a basic leather harness. Pair it with another simple-yet-brilliant design: the Tantus Curve, which – true to its name – curves upward for G-spot or prostate access and massages the receiver with its gentle ridges. Like every dildo on this list, the Curve is 100% silicone: hypoallergenic, easy to clean, and safe to share.

Femme Fantastique 

spareparts bellafun factory share

Spareparts Bella Harness & Fun Factory Share

Feeling femme? With its lace back and seductive details, the Spareparts Bella harness lets you express your girly side; it even comes with detachable garter clips, for pin-up appeal. Like all Spareparts harnesses, it can support anything from a slim dildo to a 2″ wide porn star replica. Plus, the elastic O-ring sits low enough that you can use it to hold the Fun Factory Share – the wildly popular wearable double dildo – while you focus on doubling your pleasure.

Keep it Simple

terra firmavixen mistress with vibe

Terra Firma Harness & Vixen Mistress with Vibe

The chic leather Terra Firma Harness is intuitive to put on, easy to adjust, and always dependable. Pair it with the Vixen Mistress, a flexible silicone toy with a little ridge and a lot of vibration – ideal for butt beginners or anyone who prefers an smaller dildo.

Be Brief

rodeoh five jules dildo

RodeoH Harness & Five Jules Dildo (Small)

Slip on the RodeoH; commence looking adorable. This stylish harness not only looks like a cute pair of briefs: it’s just as cozy. We recommend pairing it with lightweight toys, like the small, smooth-to-the-touch Five Jules Dildo, designed for folks who want a not-phallic toy.

Mar 20 2014

Beyond Condoms: Safer Sex for All

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by thepleasurechest

latex hand

Can we talk for a second about how sexy it is when someone knows the level of risk that they’re comfortable with and which barriers they’d like to use, and then uses those barriers unabashedly? It is so sexy. It says that they’re knowledgeable, confident in their sexuality, and that they take their partner’s health seriously. 

Risk is a very real part of having sex with anyone, and too often conversations about safety address condoms and only condoms. With the new threat of antibiotic-resistant gonorrhea and a reported case of HIV transmission between female partners, we think it’s more important than ever to get informed about sex and toy safety. While we don’t want anyone to panic, this seemed like a good time to remind you that you have options for safer sex, even if you and your partner are low risk.

Gloves

Apart from providing a barrier between one partner’s hand and the other’s genitals, a latex or nitrile glove will offer the receiver some protection from the wearer’s nails, rough skin, callouses, etc. Even if you and your female bodied partner are fluid bonded, we recommend keeping some around for days when one of you has a cut on your hand or a bitten-up cuticle. The vagina is a naturally acidic place, which can be rough on a paper cut.

dental damDental Dams

Poor dental dams get a bad rap, probably in part because most people don’t want to associate their sex life with a trip to the dentist’s office. Don’t discount them, though! Even barrier free cunnilingus is usually a pretty safe bet if you’re worried about HIV transmission, but if you want to play it extra safe, or if you’re concerned about HPV or herpes, dams are your buddy. Plus, they’re great for rimming!

Safe Toys & Toy Safety

If you’re sharing toys, invest in non-porous toys that you can sterilize between uses. If your toys are porous, or if you want to share the same toy in the same session, throw a condom over your toy! (This comes with the added benefit of easy clean up.)

tantus thwackBDSM Safety

If you break your partner’s skin with a porous toy (like a leather whip), then only use that toy on that person forever. Even though HIV can’t survive long outside the body, you still run the risk of transmitting Hepatitis C. You could also use non-porous hitting tools, like silicone paddles, which can be sterilized.

For more info about safer sex, check our our article, Safer Ways to Sexy.

Oct 22 2013

Tips for Fisting

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by thepleasurechest

Fisting is one of the most loved and feared sex acts out there. Enthusiasts love the sensation of fullness and the feelings of trust and closeness with their partner that fisting can bring. Others think that penetrative sex with their partner’s whole hand sounds uncomfortable and unappealing. A lot of the stigma around fisting comes from common misunderstandings about what it actually involves; after all, if fisting really was about punching your partner’s insides repeatedly, very few people would do it.

We think that fisting can be a wonderful addition to anyone’s sex life, so we’ve written out a few basic guidelines for curious beginners. They’re addressed to the fister, but they’re useful for the fistee as well, and they can be applied to either vaginal or anal fisting.

Trim your nails. We cannot stress this enough. Trim them below the tips of your fingers and file them down. If you absolutely must keep your nails long, you can trim down cotton balls and pad the fingertips of your latex gloves with them. Make sure that you can’t feel the long nails through your gloves.

Glove up. Gloves can be great for all kinds of sex, but they’re especially good for fisting. A latex or nitrile glove protects the fistee from the scratchier parts of your hand (nails, callouses), cuts way, way down on the risk of infection (both STIs and pesky common problems like urinary tract infections) and won’t absorb lube the way your skin will. It’s best if your glove fits your hand pretty snugly. If you’d rather not use a glove, make sure that your hands are freshly washed.

Use good lube liberally. Different lubes work better for different kinds of fisting. For anal fisting with a male-bodied partner, many people prefer an oil-based lube, like Shaft. (Oil-based lubes will degrade latex gloves, so make sure to use nitrile.) Others prefer the perennially popular J Lube for their anal play, a powder that mixes with water to make a super slippery lubricant. Water, silicone, and hybrid lubes are all safe for either vaginal or anal play.

Warm your partner up. Assume that your partner needs more than a little bit of foreplay. Fisting is an activity best reserved for when the fistee is very aroused and relaxed. When you’re ready to fist, start with a couple of fingers and let your partner tell you when they’re ready for more.

Make a duck. Do not try to insert a fist into your partner. Instead, make your hand into the shape you’d use to make a shadow puppet of a duck: cup your thumb with your other four fingers. Of course, make adjustments according to what’s comfortable for you and your partner. The idea is to make your hand as compact and easy to insert as possible. After your entire hand is covered in lube, insert it carefully, rotating it gently so that it goes in more easily. Once your hand is actually inside your partner, you can curl your fingers over your thumb into a fist.

Take your time. Fisting requires communication, cooperation and patience. It may take several tries for the receiving partner to be able to accommodate an entire hand. Have fun with the process, and don’t be afraid to throw other kinds of stimulation into the mix. (Using a vibrator while getting fisted is a very popular option.)

Keep it simple. Once your hand is inside your partner, a little movement goes a long way. Your partner may even prefer you to keep your hand still. Check in, go slowly, and have fun!

May 17 2013

How To Choose A Dildo

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by thepleasurechest

So you’re in the market for a dildo. If you’ve browsed our site or taken a stroll through one of our stores, you might be overwhelmed by the sheer variety of dildos available for purchase. Let us help you choose the right tool for the job!

Choosing a Material

Dildos come in a variety of materials, from plastic, rubber and silicone to wood, glass and stainless steel. Each material offers its own unique sensation and there are strengths to each type of toy. The most affordable dildos are often made of plastic or rubber. Some types of rubber, especially those made from Cyberskin, can feel amazingly soft and lifelike. The Cybercock Dildo is a great introduction to the benefits of Cyberskin. Because plastic and rubber are porous, you’ll want to use a condom if you plan to share these toys with a partner.

The most popular dildos are made from silicone, which is non-porous, pliable and very easy to clean. Silicone toys tend to be more expensive than rubber or plastic, but if you take care of them, they can last a lot longer. They’re also fine for use with multiple partners. They can be sterilized in boiling water and most brands are dishwasher safe.

Toys made from glass and stainless steel are great if you’re looking for a firmer sensation. Both are also ideal for enhancing your experience with temperature play. Simply put your dildo in the freezer to chill out or hold it under a warm tap to heat things up.

Realistic?

Some people crave a realistic look and feel in a dildo. Others prefer a non-phallic or modern design. This is a matter of personal taste, so there’s no right choice. Folks looking for realism might enjoy toys like the Tantus Adam which has a very soft silicone exterior with a firm inner core. When balls are a must, a fully-equipped dildo like the VixSkin Goodfella fits the bill. Porn fans will probably adore the Jeff Stryker Realistic Dildo or the James Deen Signature Silicone Vibrating Cock, both molded directly from their famous phalluses.

Or Not?

If you crave something less phallic, you’ll probably enjoy the smoothness of the Tantus Silk or the elegance of the Five Jules dildo, designed by lesbians, for lesbians. Steel and glass toys offer even more options, from the hefty beauty of the Njoy Eleven to the smooth simplicity of the Glass Curved Wand.

Small, Medium or Ginormous?

Picking the wrong size dildo can be a costly mistake. Close your eyes and grasp one, two, three or more of your fingers at the same time and think about the size of things you have enjoyed inside of you in the past. You can also do this with a cucumber, zucchini or other phallic fruit or veggie. If you want to try out the size, you can use these items with a condom to ensure the perfect fit.

Every dildo on our site has a “Specs” section listing the toy’s dimensions. If you’re just getting started or like ‘em on the smaller side, try something like the Tantus Compact or the small Vixen Realistic. Smaller dildos are also great when you’re first trying anal intercourse.

If you’re looking for something in the middle, try the Vixen Leo or the medium Tantus Silk on for size.

And when only a big dildo will do the job, check out the mighty Vixskin Maverick or the 7.5” Captain. If girth is more important than length, you might feel cozy with the Tantus Mr. Universe or the Vixen Randy.

Do You Want to Strap It On?

If you’re planning to strap it on, then you should pick a dildo that works with a harness. Anything with a wide base or balls should work, though some very large dildos might not fit your harnesses’ O-ring. If strapping it on its important, check this page for an assortment of dildos we’ve approved for harness play.

If you’re new to strapping it on, pick a dildo with a little extra length to keep it from slipping out. A dildo with a ridged head like the Vixen Woody or the VixSkin Maverick will help the wearer in sensing depth to avoid slippage.

Finally, when picking dildos with a partner, here’s a good rule of thumb: the person wearing the cock should pick the look of it (realistic, color, balls, etc) and the person receiving should pick the size. Everybody’s happy.

How Do You Feel About Vibration?

Want to add a little buzz to the action? Some dildos, like the Vixen Mistress and the Tantus Buzz come with removable bullet vibrators. On a budget? The rubber Basix 8” Vibrating Dong comes with a handy wired remote. If you’re not satisfied with the vibe that comes with your dildo, swap it out for something stronger. The We-Vibe Tango is one of the strongest bullet vibes we’ve ever tried.

Remember that even if your dildo doesn’t come with vibration, you can always add vibration when strapping it on. When strapping it on, ask yourself who wants the vibration: the wearer or receiver? And where do you want the vibration, internally or externally?

If the wearer wants direct vibration externally, the Tantus Panty Play vibrator is an excellent fit, as it can be worn under the harness. Some harnesses like the SpareParts Joque even come with hidden pockets for positioning a vibe at the base of the dildo. You can make any dildo vibrate with a vibrating cockring, and when positioned right, it should hit the clit of the wearer. If you want stronger vibration, pick a dildo with a vibrator in it and select a separate vibrating cockring.

Packing Dildos

Whether for gender expression or fantasy play, some folks prefer to pack. If you want a realistic bulge that can still be worn under clothing, take a look at the Sailor Softskin Packer or Vixskin Mr. Right. Worn with a packing strap or packing underwear like the SpareParts Pete, these are ideal for daily wear.

The Angle of the Dangle

Where do you want that dildo to reach? If you want to stimulate a G-Spot or P-Spot, then your best bet is a dildo with a shaft that curves upward. Some toys, like the Fun Factory Tiger and the Admiral Dildo are designed especially for hitting the right spot. The handheld, stainless-steel Njoy Pure Wand is also great for targeting and stimulating your G-Spot or prostate.

Doubles Anyone?

Double your fun with a dildo for two. Double dildos can feel like an extension of yourself and provide wonderful sensations especially while thrusting. They’re ideal for gender play and for feeling more connected to your partner.

The Fun Factory Wave has a unique flexible center, perfect for sharing with a friend. If one of you wants to be in the active role, try a Tantus Feeldoe or the Fun Factory Share.  These are designed to be held in place by your Kegel muscles while you have anal or vaginal intercourse with your partner. They can be used with or without a harness.

 

Jan 05 2013

7 Questions & Answers On Blowjobs

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by thepleasurechest

How do you begin a blow job?

The best BJs begin with the brain. Both of you should be turned on for a good BJ. Build up the tension with dirty talk. Get your mouth warmed up with a hot makeout session.

How should you incorporate using your hands?

Use your hands to add friction. Hold the base of his cock to control the pace of the action. Use a finger to stimulate his perineum. Or, if you’ve negotiated it, slip a lubricated finger or two in his ass, to stimulate his prostate directly.

What about the balls?

Most guys like their balls being cupped during a blowjob. You can also use a finger or two to put pressure on the perineum (the taint) for an external prostate massage. If you press on this, you can really enhance a man’s orgasm.

Do you have to deep throat?

No, it’s not necessary. A lot of people want to learn how to deep throat, and it can be an amazing feeling for both partners. The secret is to position yourself to follow the natural curve of his cock, with the natural curve of your throat. Try it first with him on his back and you on your side. Keep your hand on the base of his cock to go at your own pace. Swallow when you feel like you have reached your limit which will help to go further and widen your throat. Don’t deep throat with a  full stomach. You can also simulate the sensation of deep throat by using a masturbation sleeve to stroke his shaft while sucking on the head of the penis.

Does it matter if you spit or swallow?

It’s up to you, but always negotiate this ahead of time. If you’re not fluid-bonded with a partner, use a condom.

What are some reasons that men can’t get hard, and should you push it if it’s not working?

There can be many reasons – erectile dysfunction, using alcohol and drugs, stress or exhaustion.  Sometimes, even if he’s in the mood, his penis isn’t. Never push. Move on to other things. Don’t make a big deal about it.

What’s the single best tip for giving great head?

The best BJs are really great hand jobs. Most guys need more friction than you can create with your mouth, so a great blowjob is often a combination of using your hand to tug on the penis while adding sensation and suction with your mouth.

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