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Feb 20 2015

Fifty Shades Fantasy vs. Reality:
Negotiate Your BDSM like a Badass

0

by Kate M.

fifty shades contract 1
Despite what it might sound like (and despite what you may have seen in a certain popular book-turned-movie), BDSM negotiation is not a competition in which two partners use fancy legal jargon to try to win an argument about what their sexytimes will look like. (That’s a fun fantasy, but in real life, it’s more likely to leave you resentful and upset than ready to go.) Instead, it’s a collaboration in which both (or all) partners discover what they might like to enjoy together.

For folks who are unfamiliar with the lingo, BDSM is an acronym that encompasses bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. We’ll be using “scene” to refer to the period of time in which BDSM is happening and “play” to mean just about anything that can happen within a BDSM scene, from dirty talk to heavy flogging.

Want to fulfill all of your kinky fantasies? This is where to start, especially when you’re playing with someone for the first time.

fifty shades contract 4
“But doesn’t negotiation take away the spontaneity?”
“Think of it this way: we can have a lot more fun once I know what makes you tick.”

1. Negotiate as equals, not from a power dynamic. 
You may be the most intense dominant that ever dominated, or the most passive submissive, but this isn’t the time to make demands or ask permission. Both of your wants and needs matter and deserve to be given equal weight.

2. Tell your partner what you like and don’t like.
Likes and dislikes can go by degrees, so be as specific as you can. For instance:
“I like being pinched, except on my inner thighs.”
“I like the Neon Wand, but I can only take it for a few minutes.”
“I like tickling my partner’s feet until they shout with laughter.”
“I like being spanked really hard until I bruise.”
“I like being called names, but don’t call me ‘toy’.”
“I like being called names, especially ‘whore’.”
“I like being called ‘Mistress’, but I don’t like being called ‘ma’am.’”
“I don’t like being bitten, so you can use that as punishment if you want to.”
“I don’t like pain, but I like proving that I can take it.”
“I like being spanked because it turns me on; I like being slapped in the face because it makes me afraid.”

Don’t know what you like? Talk about what you’d like to try, or take a look at a yes/no/maybe list.

Don’t know how to do something? Do a little research first to make sure that you can do it safely!

fifty shades contract 2
“He wants to ‘cyber’? What’s a cyber?”

3. Don’t say “ew.”
You’re both sharing some pretty personal information, and that can be scary! You don’t have to try everything that your partner wants to try, and vice versa, but you do have to be kind and respectful. If you’re surprised by something your partner says, ask them what about that particular kink or scenario appeals to them. On that note…

4. Find common ground.
What if one of you wants to try something that makes the other uncomfortable? Drill down to the core of the fantasy and find what about it appeals to you most . If you want to do teacher/student role play, but your partner doesn’t want to try age play, can you find another fantasy that appeals to you for similar reasons? If you like the power dynamic, you could try a boss/employee role play. If you want to be playful and innocent, you could role play as a sheltered heiress or even a fairy.

5. Tell your partner your limits.
These are things your partner should never do. Even if it’s something you don’t think they’ll do in the context of the scene, mention it.

fifty shades contract 3
“Sorry, handsy-buttsy is a limit for me.”

6. Tell each other about any relevant injuries or medical conditions. 
“I have bad knees, so I can’t kneel for long periods.”
“I’m dealing with chronic pain, so I don’t want to physically hold you down. I can cuff you ahead of time if you like to struggle.”

7. Talk through what you’d like to do together.
Come up with a list of activities that’s good for both of you. You don’t have to outline the whole scene if you don’t want to, but you should both have some idea of what to expect.

8. Establish whether surprises are okay.
Before you start playing, ask your partner if you can do something that they haven’t explicitly okayed, as long as it isn’t one of their limits. (For instance, you might decide in the middle of a scene that it’s the perfect time to bite your partner’s ear, but you never discussed biting.) If they say no, then anything you haven’t negotiated is off the table.

50 shades movie
“All opposed to surprise pony play say ‘neigh.’”
“I said yes to the riding crop, but I did not agree to the painfully bad jokes.”

9. Check your assumptions.
Do you always have sex with your play partners? Do you always kiss them? Do you always call them sir? Or slut? Do you always give them orders? Do you always punish disobedience? Think through what you expect in a play encounter, and then ask about every element of it, even the ones that you think you can take for granted.

10. Set up safewords, and make sure you both know what they mean.
Choose a word that means “stop” that won’t come up in another context. This is really useful for situations in which “Ow, shit, you sick motherfucker!” can mean “You push my buttons in all the right ways.”

Many people use the stoplight system, in which “red” usually means “stop everything” and yellow can mean a few things, including “stop that specific thing you’re doing,” “check in with me,” or “I’m almost ready to stop, so start winding it down.” You can see how confusing (and potentially upsetting) it would be if you said “yellow” meaning “let’s stop and deal with the fact that this cuff is digging painfully into my ankle,” and your partner thought that you meant “I’ll be ready to stop in a few minutes,” and kept going.

11. Decide what you’d like aftercare to look like. 
Unless you’ve both agreed otherwise, it’s just common decency to take care of the person you’ve just been spanking. BDSM requires a lot of trust on both sides, and many people find themselves physically and mentally drained afterwards (often in a good way, like when you’ve just finished a long run or a satisfying and demanding project). It’s extra nice to establish ahead of time what the receiving partner might like afterwards, and to have any relevant materials on hand: a soft blanket, for instance, or a snack. Some people like to be cuddled, and some prefer to be left alone to regroup for a minute. Your partner might want to be praised for how well he took his punishment, or she might like you to tell her a bad joke in order to bring her back to reality. Just ask.

fifty shades of grey contract 6
“We’re gonna aftercare like we just don’t care.”

12. Remember: negotiation can be sexy.
You are talking about what you want to do to each other. How is that not foreplay?

Nov 05 2014

Semenette Q&A: How to Use our Favorite Squirting Dildo

0

by Kate M.

semenette logo

Looking for a squirting dildo? We’re smitten with the Semenette, the only silicone toy of its kind. Lucky for us, Stephenie R. Berman, who designed and now sells this unique toy, agreed to chat with one of our staff and share some pro tips for getting the most out of your Semenette experience.

stephanie bermanI hear that the company has a great origin story. Would you share it?

I own a women’s reproductive health company with my family. I’ve been helping couples get pregnant since 2003. When I married my wife in 2011 and we started thinking more seriously about a family, we realized that the only options available for at-home insemination were a turkey baster or a syringe – even though I had access to all of this medical equipment.

When we started trying, I found that I just didn’t have enough hands for all of the equipment: syringe, lube, flashlight, speculum.  I started wearing a head lamp!

Wait, why did you need a flashlight?

To get the semen as close to the cervix as possible. There was nothing intimate or romantic about it. After a lot of awkward, uncomfortable, failed attempts, I started thinking about how to make the experience better overall, because anything would be better than what we were doing. I thought that if [penis-in-vagina sex] works for heterosexual couples, why wouldn’t it work for a same sex couple to mimic the experience? A year and a half later, I was knee deep in the world of sex toys. I had prototypes and a business.

How long before you could start selling them?

I started the company in 2012. The Semenette has only been on the market since February.

My wife and I did conceive using the Semenette, by the way. We have a seven month old. The most rewarding part of this job is the success stories, and I’ve heard several. I love to help people start a family with love, privacy and intimacy. I like to joke that I’m not just the president, I’m also a client.

It’s not just about pregnancy, though: it’s about intimacy and romance. I don’t want to pigeonhole this toy as a tool for home insemination.

Have you heard from customers who are using it as a toy, not primarily for insemination? Were you ever surprised by who was buying it?

I actually didn’t think of the obvious: trans men. The Semenette isn’t flexible enough to be used as a packer, but it still lets you mimic an ejaculation. I’ve heard from gay men, folks in the fetish community, and men who have erectile dysfunction or are sterile. It’s also great for straight couples who are far apart, maybe having phone sex, who want a better way to simulate being together.

semenette largeWhat sets this toy apart from other squirting dildos on the market?

The Semenette is made 100% in the U.S.A.  It’s made of medical grade silicone, which is phthalate free, non-porous, and hypoallergenic. The tubing that threads through the middle is removable and replaceable, which keeps everything clean. You can keep using the same bulb, though, since the liquid should never come in contact with the bulb.

I’m looking at the Semenette and trying to figure out how exactly I’d strap it on and what I would do with the bulb once I’m ready to go. Any tips?

It’s a standard size and the base is also a fairly standard size. I tried to make it as universal as possible, so that it could fit into almost any harness. There’s a groove on the bottom of the toy for the tubing, so that when you put it in the harness it lays flat and doesn’t kink. The tube isn’t too long, and the idea is that you can just tuck it into the harness. That’s why we made the bulb smaller – we didn’t want you to be saddled with this hulking thing.

Do you have a favorite harness to use with the Semenette?

I love any Spareparts harness!

Got any other insider tips?

When you’re drawing the liquid into the bulb, you want to be careful. That small bulb is surprisingly strong! Do a couple of trial runs with water. Make sure that you can pull the liquid in without trapping air bubbles and then test the squirtablility.

Also – and I’m not a doctor – some lubricants can be extremely toxic to sperm. If you’re trying to conceive, make sure that you’re using one that’s going to work for you.

Pleasure Chest tip: if you’re using the Semenette to mimic ejaculation, try using a hybrid lube like Liquid Silk, Sliquid Silk or Spunk for a realistic touch!

Aug 22 2014

7 Toys for Anal Sex Beginners

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by Kate M.

Interested in anal? The trick is to start small. Whether you’re warming up for intercourse or just want to experience the fun of a butt plug, we have a few favorite toys to get you started.

lube shooter
Lube Shooter

This little gadget is the key to having the best butt sex ever. Even when you lube up your toys (which you should always do), the lube often ends up collecting around the outside of the butthole. A Lube Shooter is a thin syringe that you fill with lube, so that you can insert the lube directly into your ass, where it belongs. Make sure to put some lube on the outside of the lube shooter before you do, though! (Some would argue that the lube shooter is not a toy but an accessory. To those people, we say: wait until you’ve tried mad scientist role play.)

tantus silk small
Tantus Silk Small
As slim as a finger but without those pesky nails and knuckles, this is the perfect anal toy for nervous beginners.

aneros helix syn
Aneros Helix Syn
This slim, comfortable plug is designed to rest against your prostate – and you can make it rock back and forth using only the movements of your muscles. Effortless, hands-free prostate massage during intercourse? Yes please.

aneros progasm junior
Aneros Progasm Jr. 

Most Aneros toys – and we love them all – are only really worth using if you have a prostate for them to massage. The smaller version of their popular Progasm massager, however, is great for everyone. If you enjoy G-spot play, you’ll find that if you wear the Progasm Jr. during intercourse, it will angle the cock up toward your G-spot.

ripple
Tantus Ripple

Do you know how anal beads work? No? Let us explain. Insert the beads slowly, one by one. Then, leave them in while you do whatever sexy things make you feel good. When you’re about to orgasm, pull the beads out, again slowly. Removing the beads will make your butt muscles contract over and over again, which will make your orgasm crazy powerful! We like the Ripple because it’s made of body safe silicone and because it’s all one piece, which makes it easier to insert than the traditional beads-on-a-string design.

njoy fun wand
Njoy Fun Wand

We cannot rave about the Fun Wand enough! This gorgeous toy is made of stainless steel: heavy, smooth, great for temperature play, and incomparable to anything else. One end of the wand has a slight upward curve, making it perfect for prostate play (and G-spot play, since this is a toy you can sterilize). Plus, the prostate tends to respond to firm pressure, and the weight of the toy does half of the work for you! The other end functions as a set of anal beads. We also love the Fun Wand for beginners because it heats up when you run it under warm water, making it really comfortable to insert.

latex gloves
Black Latex Gloves

Let’s not forget some of your best sex toys: your fingers. Smooth over callouses and nails with latex gloves – or nitrile gloves, if you’re sensitive to latex. Your butt’s sensitive skin will thank you. Whether or not you’re into penetration, we recommend lubing up your gloved fingertips and stroking and massaging the anus. Your butthole is one of the most nerve-dense places in the body (second only to the clitoris), and it deserves some love.

Jul 07 2014

Hate Condoms?
8 Reasons This Product is for You

2

by Kate M.

female condom 2

We’d like to take a minute to sing the praises of the internal condom (also known as the female condom). Often passed over for being unfamiliar and marginally less quick to put on (or in this case in) than a traditional condom, the internal condom is the unsung hero of safer sex.

The internal condom is essentially a pouch that you insert into the vagina or the rectum, with a small, flexible ring on the inside, and a large, flexible ring that sits outside of the vaginal or anal opening, preventing the condom from being pushed inside during intercourse. For comfortable anal sex, we recommend removing the inner ring before you insert the condom.

In no particular order, here are some things that we love about the internal condom:

female condom1. Putting it in can be just as much fun as using it. If you’re using a condom at all, it’s probably because you like a) having something inside you or b) putting something inside your partner. Once you’ve lubed up the outside, inserting the internal condom is a good excuse to touch the wearer in fun ways. Why not incorporate some G-spot or prostate play, since you’re there already?

2. OR you can put it in before you have sex. If you want to get right down to business, you can always slip the internal condom in ahead of time.

3. The giver gets more friction; the receiver gets less. How convenient, since the penis tends to respond to friction, while the extended friction of a condom-clad penis can be rough on the sensitive skin of an ass or vagina.

4. Erectile dysfunction? No problem. The internal condom is effective whether or not the penis is hard. With traditional condoms, if the wearer doesn’t stay fully erect the whole time, the condom can slip off, which defeats the purpose of wearing a condom.

female condom fc25. You can use oil-based lube with it. Love the feel of oil but hate how it shreds your latex condoms? The popular FC2 brand internal condoms are made of nitrile, which is safe to use with any kind of lube you prefer.

6. It’s safe for folks with latex allergies. Again: nitrile.

7. It provides extra protection against some STIs. Because the outer ring partially covers the vulva or butt, internal condoms make transmission of HPV and herpes, both spread through skin-to-skin contact, less likely.

8. It doesn’t rustle like it used to. Okay, so part of the internal condom’s bad rap is that it used to make an annoying crinkling noise the entire time you were using it. Luckily, times have changed, and now you can have all of the fun with none of the sound effects.

Jun 02 2014

Our Top 5 Toys for Outdoor Sex

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by Kate M.

Looking for adventure? We’ve got what you need to get down and dirty in the great outdoors.

tango

We-Vibe Tango

Pocket this powerful bullet before your next hike! The We-Vibe Tango is ultra-strong, fully waterproof, and won’t take up too much space in your pack. With two hours of play from a single charge, you can count on the Tango for quite a few woodsy quickies. If you’re traveling solo, tuck the Tango into the strategically-placed bullet pocket of your favorite Spareparts harness, for a very interesting trip.

sports cuffs and tethers

Sports Cuffs and Tethers Kit

Take bondage out of the bedroom with this versatile kit. Made of neoprene – the same material as wetsuits – Sports Cuffs are comfy, lightweight, and easy to wash. Clip them together, or use the nylon tethers to tie your partner to a nearby tree.

njoy pure plugs

Njoy Pure Plugs

Don’t want to carry an arsenal of toys into the wilderness? Go hands-free! Pure Plugs are comfortable enough for long-term wear, and their pleasant weight will turn any trek into a luxurious anal massage. Smooth, sturdy and non-porous, these stainless steel plugs simply make sex better.

sliquid naturals lube cube

Sliquid Naturals Lube Cube Sampler

You should never have to go without lube, but that doesn’t mean that you should risk leaking silicone all over your sleeping bag. Enter Sliquid! This small sample box comes with two single serving packets each of thin water-based lube, thick water-based gel, silicone lube, and their three most popular flavors of Sliquid Swirl: Blue Raspberry, Cherry Vanilla, and Green Apple. Slip one in your back pocket, or take the whole box for variety!

meany

Fun Factory Meany Mini Vibe

If you’re planning a long excursion, you don’t want to have to worry about recharging your vibrator, or about bringing a toy for every mood. The battery-operated Meany is an extra nice alternative. Totally non-porous, pleasingly soft, and shaped for either clit or G-spot stimulation, this little vibe makes a great road buddy.

Don’t forget your Pjur Med Clean Wipes, for cleaning your toys and yourself on the go!

May 06 2014

Our Top 5 Strap-On Pairings

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by Kate M.

Dildos and harnesses are like fine wines and gourmet cheeses (or pizza and beer, or a double feature of mid-career Nicholas Cage films): paired perfectly, each enhances the experience of the other.

Here are some of our favorite five-star dildo/harness pairings:

Strength and Comfort

joque harnessvixskin maverick

Spareparts Joque Harness & Vixskin Maverick

Our most versatile harness is also our sturdiest – perfect for a sizable toy like the deliciously realistic Vixskin Maverick. Like all Vixskin toys, the Maverick is made of dual density silicone, with a hard inner core and a soft outer layer, making it both more lifelike and more comfortable for the receiver. Speaking of comfort, the Joque is easily adjustable for folks of all sizes, and once you get it to the size you want, you can slide it easily on and off like underwear. Slip a couple of bullet vibes into its well-placed vibrator pockets, and you’ll both be buzzing with delight.

A Classic, Upgraded

jaguar harnesstantus curve

Jaguar Leather Harness & Tantus Curve

The Jaguar’s ultra-sturdy design, flattering cut and supple leather make it a stylish alternative to a basic leather harness. Pair it with another simple-yet-brilliant design: the Tantus Curve, which – true to its name – curves upward for G-spot or prostate access and massages the receiver with its gentle ridges. Like every dildo on this list, the Curve is 100% silicone: hypoallergenic, easy to clean, and safe to share.

Femme Fantastique 

spareparts bellafun factory share

Spareparts Bella Harness & Fun Factory Share

Feeling femme? With its lace back and seductive details, the Spareparts Bella harness lets you express your girly side; it even comes with detachable garter clips, for pin-up appeal. Like all Spareparts harnesses, it can support anything from a slim dildo to a 2″ wide porn star replica. Plus, the elastic O-ring sits low enough that you can use it to hold the Fun Factory Share – the wildly popular wearable double dildo – while you focus on doubling your pleasure.

Keep it Simple

terra firmavixen mistress with vibe

Terra Firma Harness & Vixen Mistress with Vibe

The chic leather Terra Firma Harness is intuitive to put on, easy to adjust, and always dependable. Pair it with the Vixen Mistress, a flexible silicone toy with a little ridge and a lot of vibration – ideal for butt beginners or anyone who prefers an smaller dildo.

Be Brief

rodeoh five jules dildo

RodeoH Harness & Five Jules Dildo (Small)

Slip on the RodeoH; commence looking adorable. This stylish harness not only looks like a cute pair of briefs: it’s just as cozy. We recommend pairing it with lightweight toys, like the small, smooth-to-the-touch Five Jules Dildo, designed for folks who want a not-phallic toy.

Mar 20 2014

Beyond Condoms: Safer Sex for All

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by thepleasurechest

latex hand

Can we talk for a second about how sexy it is when someone knows the level of risk that they’re comfortable with and which barriers they’d like to use, and then uses those barriers unabashedly? It is so sexy. It says that they’re knowledgeable, confident in their sexuality, and that they take their partner’s health seriously. 

Risk is a very real part of having sex with anyone, and too often conversations about safety address condoms and only condoms. With the new threat of antibiotic-resistant gonorrhea and a reported case of HIV transmission between female partners, we think it’s more important than ever to get informed about sex and toy safety. While we don’t want anyone to panic, this seemed like a good time to remind you that you have options for safer sex, even if you and your partner are low risk.

Gloves

Apart from providing a barrier between one partner’s hand and the other’s genitals, a latex or nitrile glove will offer the receiver some protection from the wearer’s nails, rough skin, callouses, etc. Even if you and your female bodied partner are fluid bonded, we recommend keeping some around for days when one of you has a cut on your hand or a bitten-up cuticle. The vagina is a naturally acidic place, which can be rough on a paper cut.

dental damDental Dams

Poor dental dams get a bad rap, probably in part because most people don’t want to associate their sex life with a trip to the dentist’s office. Don’t discount them, though! Even barrier free cunnilingus is usually a pretty safe bet if you’re worried about HIV transmission, but if you want to play it extra safe, or if you’re concerned about HPV or herpes, dams are your buddy. Plus, they’re great for rimming!

Safe Toys & Toy Safety

If you’re sharing toys, invest in non-porous toys that you can sterilize between uses. If your toys are porous, or if you want to share the same toy in the same session, throw a condom over your toy! (This comes with the added benefit of easy clean up.)

tantus thwackBDSM Safety

If you break your partner’s skin with a porous toy (like a leather whip), then only use that toy on that person forever. Even though HIV can’t survive long outside the body, you still run the risk of transmitting Hepatitis C. You could also use non-porous hitting tools, like silicone paddles, which can be sterilized.

For more info about safer sex, check our our article, Safer Ways to Sexy.

Nov 19 2013

Sex FAQs

1

by thepleasurechest

Here at The Pleasure Chest, we spend a lot of time talking to people about their sex lives. Consequently, we also spend a lot of time answering a pretty short list of questions. While we’re always happy to answer them in person, we thought that you might appreciate some quick and dirty answers to our most frequently asked questions.

1)      How can I have a stronger orgasm?

  • Fact: Orgasms strengthen your pelvic floor muscles (also called PC muscles, for the pubococcygeus muscle). Combining orgasms with Kegel exercises will help tone your PC muscles, which are directly related to both urinary function and ejaculatory function. Well toned PC muscles also produce stronger orgasms.
  • Pleasure chest prescription: Many people don’t give their body enough time to build up to their orgasm. Try using a massage candle paired with a seductive massage before accessing the genitals. If you plan to incorporate a vibrator, trace the vibrator over your body to awaken nerve endings. Take your orgasm to the next level by exercising your PC muscles regularly. Kegel balls are a sure way to incorporate your exercises into your daily life. Put them in while you shower, during your morning commute, or when you go to the gym.

2)      How can I get my partner to do (fill in the blank: anal sex, threesome, BDSM)?

  • Fact: In order to enjoy sex, you have to be aroused, right? Nothing kills arousal faster than anxiety, since your body interprets it a sign to stop doing superfluous fun things – like sending blood to your genitals – and focus on survival. Stressing your partner out by demanding that they help you live out your fantasy will probably achieve the opposite of what you want.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Start an open conversation about what turns each of you on and what you’d like to try in the future. You might be surprised to see where you overlap! We recommend scheduling a sex date at least once a year. This date focuses on communication rather than sexual intercourse. Each partner privately fills out a yes/no/maybe list and then you get together to negotiate your sexual desires. It is important to do this at least once a year as our desires change over time.

3)      How can I increase my sexual desire and libido?

  • Fact: Sex is not the only ingredient in a healthy sexual relationship. It is important to incorporate touch, romance, communication and playfulness into your daily life with your partner.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription:  Incorporate touch into your daily routine and longer sessions of touching into your sex life. Touch increases attraction and, when combined with eye contact, can increase desire. If you want an extra boost, make time for things that turn you on: watch porn you like (or even movies and TV that feature actors you’d like to roll around with), read erotica, or just imagine sexy scenarios.

 

4)      I’ve never had an orgasm. Help!

  • Fact: A lot of factors go into orgasm: your PC muscles, your level of physical arousal, and also your mental state.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Strengthening your PC muscles can do a lot to help you achieve orgasm. If you’ve never used a vibrator, give that a try. A lot of women find that the consistent sensation of vibration is the only thing that gets them over the edge. As impossible as it can seem, the best thing that you can do for yourself is to put the idea of having an orgasm on the back burner and focus on enjoying what you’re doing. Try some new things, alone and with a partner, and discover what feels underwhelming and what feels amazing. Take your time, enjoy a ton of foreplay, explore some new fantasies, and find out what it takes to get you really turned on. Eventually, one of those things is going to give you an orgasm, and in the meantime you’ll have had a lot of fun.

 

5)      I want to have sex, but I’m too (fill in the blank: busy, old, fat, tired).

  • Fact: Not only are you fully capable of having sex, but having sex is a great way to stay healthy! An active sex life helps your immune system, especially in fighting colds, and is a key element in your overall health.  Sexual intercourse lowers your systolic blood pressure. It also keeps your estrogen and testosterone levels in balance which is good for your heart. Orgasms are a great substitute for aspirin, as they help to raise your pain threshold. People have reported that they help with menstrual cramps, back pain, arthritis and headaches. Plus, orgasms improve your sleep by releasing prolactin, a hormone which promotes relaxation and sleepiness.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Expand your definition of sex. You may not be up for a marathon of porno-style sexual intercourse, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun. Oral sex, hand jobs, or just cuddling up with your partner and a vibrator are still completely legitimate ways to stay sexually active. If you’re worried about finding partners, you don’t have to be. Only on TV is sex the sole property of nineteen-year-old supermodels.

 

6)      How can I make my penis larger?

  • Fact: Penis pumps can actually make a small difference in girth. If you decide to try pumping, be realistic about your goals; pumping stretches the skin without increasing blood flow to the genitals, so excessive pumping can leave you looking a little flaccid. In any case, here’s a fun fact:  women whose partners have smaller penises actually report higher rates of sexual satisfaction than women with large-shlonged partners.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: We’re willing to bet that the women with the less-well-endowed partners were so happy because their partners weren’t relying solely on their penises to get their partners off. Given how few people reach orgasm by (receiving) vaginal or anal intercourse alone, you’ll thrill your partner by picking up some new oral sex skills, or learning to be amazing with your hands. If you’d still like to increase your size, try using a cock ring, which stops blood from leaving the penis as quickly, so that you look bigger and feel harder and more sensitive.

 

7)      How do I keep from ejaculating so quickly?

  • Fact: First of all, we want to stress that ejaculation is great for you! Ejaculate expels carcinogens that accumulate in the prostate. Ejaculating at least 12 times a month will help reduce your risk of prostate cancer by 1/3. On the other hand, we understand that it can be fun to delay ejaculation until later in your sex session.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: If over-sensitivity is the issue, a condom can cut down on the amount of friction you feel, which can help you last. You can also try a ball stretcher: a loose ring that fastens around the top of your scrotum. (Stay with us here!) The ring can help delay ejaculation by preventing the testicles from pulling into the body like they normally do before orgasm. The easiest solution, though, is to spice up your routine with activities that won’t lead you immediately to orgasm. Plus, no one is cooler than a guy who wants to spend time using his hands, mouth, or even a toy to get his partner off even after he’s ejaculated.

 

8)      What can I do to tighten my vagina?

  • Fact: You don’t necessarily want a tighter vagina, but you do want more control over your PC muscles. Strong PC muscles allow you to grip your partner tightly, and they also allow you to have stronger orgasms. Exercising your PC muscles is good for your overall vaginal health: bringing blood flow to the vagina encourages vaginal elasticity and pliability and prevents vaginal atrophy later in life.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Do your Kegels! The great thing about PC muscle exercises is that you can do them while you’re watching TV, sitting in traffic, or in the line at the grocery store. Tense the muscle, hold it for a couple of seconds, and then release it. Try doing three reps of ten three times a day, and you’ll be on your way to super strong PC muscles! Better yet, invest in some Kegel balls, which speed up the process by give the muscles some resistance.

 

9)      I want to have anal sex but it hurts.

  • Fact: Vaginas self-lubricate when you get aroused. Butts do not. Artificial lubricant is essential to making anal sex safe and comfortable. Also, most people hold a lot of tension in their anuses, which can make anal sex difficult, if not impossible. Successful anal intercourse requires time, lubricant, relaxation, and a lot of arousal.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: First, get a big bottle of good lube, and plan to use it. When it comes to anal sex, if you think you’re using enough lube, you’re not. Plan for anal sex to take time – not just over the course of an evening, but over several sessions. Experiment with non-penetrative butt play: your partner can massage your anus (with lube!), rim you, or use a vibrator on you, all without you worrying if it’s going to hurt. Only try penetration if you’re super aroused. Soon enough, you’ll stop associating anal sex with pain, and your body will relax enough to make anal penetration possible and enjoyable.

10)   How can I spice up my sex life?

  • Fact: Your brain reacts to novelty by releasing dopamine, just like it does when you have sex or eat cupcakes.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Challenge yourself to try something new every time you have sex for the next month. Review your yes/no/maybe list with your partner to see what sparks both of your fantasies. We always love new toys for spicing things up: why not try a vibrating cock ring, a G-spot toy, or some basic bondage gear?

 

11)   I have vaginal dryness. What can I do?

  • Fact: Vibrators have been shown to help vaginal dryness by boosting pelvic blood flow.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: Make time for your favorite toy! Even better, incorporate it into the sex you have with your partner. Don’t shy away from using lube, though. A good lube, especially a moisturizing lube like Sliquid Satin, will keep things comfortable for you and prevent the extra friction from causing tiny abrasions in your vagina. Ouch!

 

12)   I don’t like giving my partner oral sex.

  • Fact: Some people find that giving oral sex is stressful on their knees, their necks, or their jaws. Some people simply object to their partner’s taste, which can be affected by diet. Coffee, alcohol, meat, dairy, and dark green, iron-rich vegetables can all give a person’s sexual fluids a bitter taste, while acidic fruits like pineapple can make them taste sweeter.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: If position is your problem, try a new one! Lie on the bed instead of kneeling, or use a Liberator pillow to position your partner for easier access. If your jaw is cramping up, take a break and use your hands for a while. If your partner’s taste is too intense for you, you could always try making them a smoothie. Showering together can also help, if you suspect that sweat is the culprit. Finally, condoms, dental dams and flavored lube are always an option for oral sex. If you think that something is really off about your partner’s smell or taste, though, you should let them know; it can be a sign of a minor and easily treatable bacterial infection.

 

13)   Will using a vibrator permanently make me numb?

  • Fact: Using a vibrator can make it more difficult for you to orgasm other ways, but only if you always use the same vibrator on the same setting every single time you masturbate or have sex. Repetition is the problem, not vibration.
  • Pleasure Chest prescription: If you love your vibrator but you don’t want to train yourself to get off only one way, vary your routine. Use different vibrators, use your hands, use your shower head, or use your partner.

 

14)   My partner wants to use a sex toy, but I’m afraid it will replace me.

  • Fact: We spend all day talking to people about their sex lives, and we’ve never met anyone who wanted to stop having sex with their partner because of a toy.In fact, many toys are designed not to mimic the human body but to do things that it can’t do. For instance, did you know that the clitoris extends several centimeters into the body? Vibration accesses the entire clitoris in a way that your hands just can’t.
  • Pleasure Chest Prescription: Rather than taking it as a sign of defeat that you can’t vibrate (or that your vagina isn’t lined with large, soft nubs and ridges like a Fleshlight), enjoy using toys as tools to make your partner feel as good as possible. (If you’re spooked by something too realistic, go for a toy that’s brightly colored and non-anatomical.) After all, the one thing that makes you definitively better than a sex toy is that you’re creative in bed.

Oct 22 2013

Tips for Fisting

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by thepleasurechest

Fisting is one of the most loved and feared sex acts out there. Enthusiasts love the sensation of fullness and the feelings of trust and closeness with their partner that fisting can bring. Others think that penetrative sex with their partner’s whole hand sounds uncomfortable and unappealing. A lot of the stigma around fisting comes from common misunderstandings about what it actually involves; after all, if fisting really was about punching your partner’s insides repeatedly, very few people would do it.

We think that fisting can be a wonderful addition to anyone’s sex life, so we’ve written out a few basic guidelines for curious beginners. They’re addressed to the fister, but they’re useful for the fistee as well, and they can be applied to either vaginal or anal fisting.

Trim your nails. We cannot stress this enough. Trim them below the tips of your fingers and file them down. If you absolutely must keep your nails long, you can trim down cotton balls and pad the fingertips of your latex gloves with them. Make sure that you can’t feel the long nails through your gloves.

Glove up. Gloves can be great for all kinds of sex, but they’re especially good for fisting. A latex or nitrile glove protects the fistee from the scratchier parts of your hand (nails, callouses), cuts way, way down on the risk of infection (both STIs and pesky common problems like urinary tract infections) and won’t absorb lube the way your skin will. It’s best if your glove fits your hand pretty snugly. If you’d rather not use a glove, make sure that your hands are freshly washed.

Use good lube liberally. Different lubes work better for different kinds of fisting. For anal fisting with a male-bodied partner, many people prefer an oil-based lube, like Shaft. (Oil-based lubes will degrade latex gloves, so make sure to use nitrile.) Others prefer the perennially popular J Lube for their anal play, a powder that mixes with water to make a super slippery lubricant. Water, silicone, and hybrid lubes are all safe for either vaginal or anal play.

Warm your partner up. Assume that your partner needs more than a little bit of foreplay. Fisting is an activity best reserved for when the fistee is very aroused and relaxed. When you’re ready to fist, start with a couple of fingers and let your partner tell you when they’re ready for more.

Make a duck. Do not try to insert a fist into your partner. Instead, make your hand into the shape you’d use to make a shadow puppet of a duck: cup your thumb with your other four fingers. Of course, make adjustments according to what’s comfortable for you and your partner. The idea is to make your hand as compact and easy to insert as possible. After your entire hand is covered in lube, insert it carefully, rotating it gently so that it goes in more easily. Once your hand is actually inside your partner, you can curl your fingers over your thumb into a fist.

Take your time. Fisting requires communication, cooperation and patience. It may take several tries for the receiving partner to be able to accommodate an entire hand. Have fun with the process, and don’t be afraid to throw other kinds of stimulation into the mix. (Using a vibrator while getting fisted is a very popular option.)

Keep it simple. Once your hand is inside your partner, a little movement goes a long way. Your partner may even prefer you to keep your hand still. Check in, go slowly, and have fun!

Aug 10 2013

Warming Up Your Butt

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by thepleasurechest

The butt doesn’t lie. When you’re relaxed and ready to go, anal penetration can be easy and fun. If you’re tense, anxious, or just not that into it, trying for even a finger can feel like an exercise in futility.  Since pleasure is the goal of any anal encounter, and since trying to force anything into an unwilling ass can result in injury, when it comes to putting anything in your butt, foreplay is everything.

In the interest of keeping your butt happy, here are a few tips for warming up.

Get turned on first. Anal sex shouldn’t feel like a trip to the doctor’s office, unless that’s what you’re into. Don’t focus on your ass, to the exclusion of the rest of your body. Rather than getting goal-oriented, turn your attention to something that gets you in the mood – make out with your partner, watch some porn, play with your favorite vibe, whatever. Your ass will still be there when you’re ready.

Get massaged. Many people carry a lot of tension in the lower back, the glutes, and even the anus itself. Releasing any of that tension can help you get butt-sex-ready. If you have a partner at hand, ask them to crack out the massage oil and give you a back rub, with special attention paid to the lower back, the muscles in your butt, and your upper thighs.

Get gloved up and lubed up. One of the best warm-ups ever is massaging the anus itself. We love latex or nitrile gloves for getting up close and personal with the butthole. They have a smooth, even texture and – unlike your skin – don’t absorb lube (and you should always, always be using lube when you play with your butt). You could also give rimming a try.

Get buzzed… by a vibrator.* Your asshole has one of the highest concentrations of nerves in your body, so it really responds to vibration. We recommend using a massager, like the Mystic Wand, since massagers have wide enough heads that they’re in no danger of getting lost in your butt. Speaking of which…

Get off to a good start. Most people’s butts can’t go from zero to Jeff Stryker. Fingers and small toys are great to start out with – and can be awesome ends in themselves. Plugs can be left in during other sexual activity, and some of them are even designed to be worn during the day-to-day. Smooth, slim dildos are also awesome. Just make sure that any toy you use has a flared base!

The butt wants what it wants, and the best thing you can do is listen to it. Keep it low-pressure, do only what feels good, and soon you’ll be having all kinds of anal adventures.

 

*While a drink can help relax you, alcohol also increases your pain tolerance. You want to be able to feel pain when you’re playing with the butt, so that you know if you need to slow down, use more lube, try a different position, or take a break.