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Mar 02 2011

My Alien Friend: The Man Eater Reviewed

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by thepleasurechest

"Take me to your wiener!"

A few months ago, we ran a poll on this blog, asking if you’d let the Man Eater near your pole. This one-eyed, green space monster with a taste for human cock went down in defeat. But I remained curious. So, I asked for a specimen and abducted the Man Eater to run some tests back at my own private Area 51. Would I make a new friend like Elliot in E.T.? Or would this become an alien autopsy? Here’s what I discovered.

The Man Eater is actually pretty cool! He looks and feels like one of those collectible toys you see prominently displayed in the home of a comic book nerd or sci-fi fan. This is also part of his appeal. Assuming you keep him clean and wipe the come off his mouth, this little alien should fly under the radar of most of the terrestrial visitors to your house. He simply doesn’t look like a sex toy. The downside, of course, is that people, especially curious kids, might think he looks cool and want to pick him up and play with him. Keep the Man Eater on a high shelf if you know what’s good for you!

Just like Tickle Me Elmo, the Man Eater vibrates when you push his belly. And while the low setting is pretty worthless, the middle and top speeds are pretty damned strong. Vibration is a relatively new experience for me. Most vibrators are made and designed for women. There are exceptions– many vibes can be used anally or against the perineum for prostate stimulation– but, except for the Fun Factory Cobra Libre, there just aren’t that many vibrating toys made exclusively for male masturbation. So, at first, I just held the Man Eater’s open mouth against the underside of my cock, making sure to hit the glans. With a generous dab of lube, the area got even more sensitive, and the sensation became very pleasurable. Rather than feeling numb, all the little nerve endings felt awake and ready to party.

Even though it felt good to have the Man Eater humming against the underside of my penis, I didn’t feel like I would ever come from vibration alone. That’s when I decided to tilt my cock upwards against my belly and actually stroke the underside of my shaft with his open mouth. I’m sure I looked ridiculous, with my hand cupping the back of the Man Eater’s head, as he bobbed up and down along my penis. But I didn’t care, because the Man Eater was really working for me! The contour of his “mouth” felt really nice, in combination with the vibration. The hardness of the ABS plastic and PVC material actually helped create enough pressure to bring me to an unidentified flying orgasm!

That material also makes the Man Eater waterproof and easy to clean. After he made sweet love to me, I brought my new friend into the shower and cleaned him off with some soap and hot water. He dried on the shower caddy overnight, and was ready to be put in a safe hiding place the next morning.

While the Man Eater isn’t likely to take over the planet just yet, he’s a surprisingly effective toy given his humble asking price. He runs off of two AA batteries, cleans up well for company and feeds exclusively on your penis. I think I’ll keep him.

Feb 25 2011

Pushing the Envelope: The Winners of Our Oscar Porn Title Challenge

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by thepleasurechest

We received nearly 200 entries in our Oscar Porn Title Challenge. Our readers are very clever with the wordplay, and know how to administer the pun-ishment. It took most of the afternoon to pick a winner, especially because many of the best entries were already porn titles, from the golden age of adult cinema. It’s true! But we finally settled on a favorite.

And the winner is…

@drz929 with My Left Foot Fetish

Congratulations D! You win the box of porn parody DVDs. We think you have a bright future writing comedy. Get thee to a punnery!

The contest for this year’s nominees was a lot tougher. Best Picture nominee The Fighter inspired The Squirter, The Fister, The Reamer & The Fluffer, while Winter’s Boner, Sex Toy Story 3, Exit Through the Porn Shop and 127 Whores seemed all but inevitable.

We also liked How to Drain Your Dragon, Inside Blowjob, Another Rear, Conception, Barney’s Virgin and The King’s Queef. (Did we mention that The King’s Speech was shot on a gay porn set?) Still, there was a clear favorite here at our ad-hoc awards ceremony.

And the winner is…

@urNaughtyAngel with The Chicks Are All Tight

Way to go, Angel! You win the $20 Pleasure Chest gift card. We’re willing to bet there’s a porn version of The Kids Are All Right in production at this very moment. (A straight dude tries to come between a lesbian couple. That’s like every straight porn ever!) If the producers are smart, they’ll use your title instead of “This Aint…The Kids Are All Right.”

There were many more creative entries. Among our favorites from the prolific @Zombianca were The Loin King, The Buns of Navarone, Cool Handjob Luke, Porn on the Fourth of July and Lawrence of A Labia. We couldn’t confirm if that last one had ever been made into a porn movie, but we did find this amazing cover art.

Reader @caitilinerin gave us Fiddle Her On the Roof, Howard’s Rear End, Four Weddings & a Gangbang and Apollo 13″.

@lillianbehrendt suggested All Tight in the Western Cunt and I Am A Fugitive From a Gangbang while @mattcornell gave us Million Dollar Adult Baby and Come Flew Over the Cuckold’s Chest. Finally @WestCoastMILFs suggested It’s a Wonderful MILF. Sounds like a new holiday classic.

Thanks to all who participated. Enjoy your weekend, whether you spend it watching the Oscars or something less trashy (like porn, for instance.)

Feb 22 2011

Take Our Oscar Porn Title Challenge & Win DVDs!

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by thepleasurechest

Porn parody titles have gotten lazy. We miss the old days of ET: The Extra Testicle, Romancing the Bone & Edward Penishands! So, to celebrate the upcoming Academy Awards, we’ve decided to get the creative juices flowing.

The contest

Submit your own porn titles for Oscar-nominated movies for a chance to win a pile o’ porn parody DVDs. Our favorite entry wins all seven porn parody DVDs pictured below! (We sure hope somebody out there is a Twihard!)

The prizes!

How to play

Here is a list of every film that has ever been nominated for Best Picture. Simply take a look at the list and start brainstorming porn titles. Then, follow one of our Twitter accounts: LA, Chicago or NY and tweet your entries with the hashtag #pleasurechestoscars. We’ll pick our favorites this Friday at noon PST. If more than one contestant comes up with the winning title, we’ll give the prize to the first entrant. It’s that simple.

One more way to win…

2010′s crop of titles seems unusually hard to spoof (and yes, we’ve already heard “True Clit”), so we’re adding this extra incentive for you creative pervs out there. We’ll also award a Pleasure Chest gift card for $20 to the best porn title entry for any of this year’s nominated films, in any category. A complete list of this year’s nominees is here.

Enter as many times as you wish. Good luck, have fun, and happy punning.

Bonus fun fact: The King’s Speech was filmed on a UK gay porn set.

Feb 06 2011

Five Scenarios for a Sexy Valentine’s Day

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by thepleasurechest

Stuck on how to spend Valentine’s Day with your sweetie? Tired of the same old dinner and a movie routine? Here are some suggestions for changing it up while getting down. And we’ve got the gear to make each of these five fantasies come true.

Play Doctor

“I’m not a doctor, but I play one in the bedroom!”

If you’ve got the patience (and the patient) for a little medical roleplay, grab your partner and begin the examination. Let’s Play Doctor is a fun and easy game for kickstarting your fantasies. It comes with a spinner and cards prescribing 45 different roleplaying scenarios. For added realism (and safer sex), slip on some sexy, black nitrile gloves. If you want to take a closer look, consider using a Graves Vaginal Speculum, which can be used for more intimate exams. If your patient requires treatment (and we know they will), you may want to try a traditional healing method with this fire cupping set. Or, if your patient is suffering from a bite (especially one on their nipple), this snakebite kit could come in handy. Whatever ails them, make sure to finish with a kiss to make it all better.

Skip Dessert

After your Valentine’s Day dinner, satisfy your sweet tooth by saving dessert for the bedroom. If there’s any time of the year to rock a candy g-string, it’s Valentine’s Day. And dudes, there’s a matching set just for you. If you’re feeling artsy or want to wax poetic, you can write sweet nothings all over your partner’s body in rich, dark chocolate with this Shunga Chocolate Body Paint. It’s almost as fun to “erase” as it is to apply. For something more sensual and less sticky, try the Kama Sutra Honey Dust, an edible powder, made of pure honey, which comes in a satin pouch, complete with a feather applicator. Finally, when you’re ready to get down to business, try some Sliquid Swirl lube. The sugar-free, vegan, water-based formula comes in six delicious flavors, from Pink Lemonade to Cherry Vanilla.

Surrender Yourself

This Valentine’s Day, why not hand over the keys to your heart (and other parts) to your lover, partner, mistress or master? Whether you’re giving yourself for an evening, or a lifetime, a collar is a simple, elegant and sexy expression of submission. We love this Tear Drop Locking Collar, made with English Bridle leather and a “teardrop shaped” stainless steel ring. For an even more intimate surrender, lock up your cock, with the CB6000, a long-term male chastity device, made of medical grade plastic. It even comes with plastic locks for those tricky airport metal detectors! If you want to submit, but your partner is still new to BDSM, we recommend When Someone You Love is Kinky, a handbook for helping your lover understand the mysteries of the kinkster heart. Finally, you can’t go wrong with our Silk Entangle Ties, elegant ribbons for wrapping up the greatest gift of all– yourself!

Discover a New Position

Whether on the floor, or up against a door, Valentine’s Day is a great occasion to try some new positions. To get your imaginative juices flowing, check out the Position of the Day book. Packed and illustrated with 366 sexual positions (one for every day of the year, plus one extra for leap year), this handy manual has enough ideas to keep you getting busy until Valentine’s Day, 2012. For help negotiating all those new positions, try investing in a Liberator Wedge. This sturdy foam support wedge provides the lift and leverage to put you and your partner in all kinds of compromising positions. Its sexy microfiber cover is smooth against the skin and machine-washable. But, if you hate post-sex cleanup, perhaps you should move the action to the shower. The Sex in the Shower product line uses an ingenious array of suction cup handles and footrests for a safer, less slippery way to play with wet and wild sex. Finally, if you think you’ve tried it all, hoist ‘em high and try the Door Jam Sex Sling from Sportsheets. Made of comfy, padded nylon, this sling can be thrown over any sturdy door for spontaneous action, whenever the mood arises. No handyman needed. Unless that’s a part of your fantasy, too. (And who are we to judge?)

Play in Public

We’re not looking to get you arrested, but there are discrete ways to play in public, while enjoying the thrill of being discovered. After Valentine’s Day dinner, why not hit a nightclub, bar, or darkened movie theater and smuggle some toys in your pants? For discrete fun, nothing beats the Club Vibe. This discreet bullet vibe responds to ambient sound, which means it can be equally fun on a dance floor or in a crowded restaurant. If you want an even more interactive experience, try the BNaughty Unleashed Remote Control Bullet. A handy remote control with LED display allows you or your lover to choose up to 10 powerful pulsation settings. Sit across from your partner at the dinner table and turn it on, while she tries to conceal her excitement from the people around her. Or, if you want a toy that will give dual clitoral and G-Spot stimulation, try out the ever popular We Vibe 2. As a bonus, this toy can be worn during intercourse, so if you decide to risk public sex, in a backseat or a back alley, she’ll have a headstart on the fun. No matter what the gender of your Valentine, you can never go wrong with a butt toy. For a discrete anal thrill, try warming up an Njoy Pure Plug before setting out to the paint the town red. Made of silky-smooth stainless steel, these popular plugs fit snugly inside your butthole, giving an extra nudge to the prostate. This is especially fun during long walks on the beach or bouncy cab rides through the city. No matter how big a scene you decide to make, remember to tip generously, and make a fast getaway.





Feb 03 2011

The Kinky States of America Map

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by thepleasurechest

We’re honestly a little puzzled about how to read the map above, but the overall project is pretty damned fascinating. Here’s an explanation from artist R. Luke Dubois:

I joined twenty-one dating sites in order to make my own census of the United States in 2010. These are my findings: a road atlas of the United States, with the names of cities, towns, and neighborhoods replaced with the words people use to describe themselves and those they want to be with.

These maps contain 20,262 unique words, based on the analysis of online dating profiles from 19,095,414 single Americans.

Each word appears in the place it’s used more frequently than anywhere else in the country.

Enjoy.

Some initial findings?

New York City’s most frequently used online dating word, for example, is ‘Now’—confirming just about every Type A stereotype of our town’s inhabitants. (In Chicago, incidentally, it’s ‘Always’. And in L.A., ‘Acting.’)

Having some familiarity with the online dating scene in Los Angeles, we downloaded a map of the words associated with our neck of the woods, and the results are fascinating.

We really wish the artist had identified the actual zip codes and neighborhoods these words correspond to, because frankly, we’re not too familiar with maps of LA. But, if we’re reading this map correctly, Westsiders used words like “enchanting,” “lingerie,” “beingness” and “sexual” but also “misanthropic,” “misogynistic,” and “phony.” Equally jarring, in South LA, is the prominence of the words “suicidal” and “inmate,” sandwiched between “waif” to the west and “neurosis” to the east. We’re guessing “chutzpah” designates the Fairfax District, while “augmentation” and “screenwriter”  identify that amorphous area known as Hollywood. And, of course, the word “gaffer” is unique to LA!

If you want to see which words define the singles scene in your neighborhood, you can view and download maps for your city or state here.


Jan 27 2011

Meet Carlos!

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by thepleasurechest

Carlos the greeter

If you’re in New York, be sure to stop by our store today, and meet our new temporary seasonal worker. His name is Carlos. His turn-ons are watersports and corn cob pipes. His turn-offs include snowballing and hot wax.

Carlos melts our heart

Carlos is our new store greeter. Mention “Carlos the Snowman” at the register in our NY store, and get 10% off your purchase, today only. (And yes, he’s getting a nose job with his first paycheck.)

Dec 31 2010

The Maneater. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

For last week’s holiday edition of Turn On or Buzz Off, we asked you about the Chocolate Santa with Buttplug, a curious confection dreamed up by conceptual artist Paul McCarthy. The votes are in and over 60% of respondents had a sweet tooth for jolly Old St. Nick and the oddly familiar object clutched in his hand.  Unfortunately, this kinky treat hit the market over three years ago, and can likely only be found in the chocolate-stained clutches of your finer art collectors. So, sadly Chocolate Santa with Buttplug will not be coming to a Pleasure Chest near you.

This week’s contestant is most definitely not a gallery piece, and you probably wouldn’t want to try eating it (though it definitely wants to eat you.) Introducing The Maneater, a terrifying, bright green beast from outer space, who wants to um, suck on your cock. How does he do this? Here’s what the manufacturer, Big Teaze Toys has to say:

The insatiable MANEATERS toys for boys have a voracious appetite and will stop at nothing to bring YOU pleasure. With just a simple squeeze to its bellybutton, you are engulfed with one of three groan-inducing speeds. How’s the clean-up, you ask?  Let’s just say that everything about the MANEATERS is quick and easy…

Oh yeah, he’s also waterproof, phthalate-free and runs off of 2 AA batteries. The Maneater reminds us of the juvenile style of the Bzzzbuddies, (which most of you loved) from a few weeks ago. It could easily be mistaken for a kids’ toy. But, mostly we’re worried about looking ridiculous while using this thing to get off. Will your boyfriend or girlfriend be jealous of this one-eyed monster? Or will you simply look silly with this creature gnawing on your junk? What do you think? The Maneater. Turn on or Buzz Off?


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