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Mar 02 2011

My Alien Friend: The Man Eater Reviewed

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by thepleasurechest

"Take me to your wiener!"

A few months ago, we ran a poll on this blog, asking if you’d let the Man Eater near your pole. This one-eyed, green space monster with a taste for human cock went down in defeat. But I remained curious. So, I asked for a specimen and abducted the Man Eater to run some tests back at my own private Area 51. Would I make a new friend like Elliot in E.T.? Or would this become an alien autopsy? Here’s what I discovered.

The Man Eater is actually pretty cool! He looks and feels like one of those collectible toys you see prominently displayed in the home of a comic book nerd or sci-fi fan. This is also part of his appeal. Assuming you keep him clean and wipe the come off his mouth, this little alien should fly under the radar of most of the terrestrial visitors to your house. He simply doesn’t look like a sex toy. The downside, of course, is that people, especially curious kids, might think he looks cool and want to pick him up and play with him. Keep the Man Eater on a high shelf if you know what’s good for you!

Just like Tickle Me Elmo, the Man Eater vibrates when you push his belly. And while the low setting is pretty worthless, the middle and top speeds are pretty damned strong. Vibration is a relatively new experience for me. Most vibrators are made and designed for women. There are exceptions– many vibes can be used anally or against the perineum for prostate stimulation– but, except for the Fun Factory Cobra Libre, there just aren’t that many vibrating toys made exclusively for male masturbation. So, at first, I just held the Man Eater’s open mouth against the underside of my cock, making sure to hit the glans. With a generous dab of lube, the area got even more sensitive, and the sensation became very pleasurable. Rather than feeling numb, all the little nerve endings felt awake and ready to party.

Even though it felt good to have the Man Eater humming against the underside of my penis, I didn’t feel like I would ever come from vibration alone. That’s when I decided to tilt my cock upwards against my belly and actually stroke the underside of my shaft with his open mouth. I’m sure I looked ridiculous, with my hand cupping the back of the Man Eater’s head, as he bobbed up and down along my penis. But I didn’t care, because the Man Eater was really working for me! The contour of his “mouth” felt really nice, in combination with the vibration. The hardness of the ABS plastic and PVC material actually helped create enough pressure to bring me to an unidentified flying orgasm!

That material also makes the Man Eater waterproof and easy to clean. After he made sweet love to me, I brought my new friend into the shower and cleaned him off with some soap and hot water. He dried on the shower caddy overnight, and was ready to be put in a safe hiding place the next morning.

While the Man Eater isn’t likely to take over the planet just yet, he’s a surprisingly effective toy given his humble asking price. He runs off of two AA batteries, cleans up well for company and feeds exclusively on your penis. I think I’ll keep him.

Mar 01 2011

Forbidden gay kiss lost in the Bermuda Triangle of man love at the Oscars!

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by thepleasurechest



The kiss you missed.

Did you watch the Oscars? We know, it was lethally dull. But do you remember that exciting part where Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem danced and then kissed? Missed it?

That’s because the show’s producers hit the gay panic button and went to Defcon 4, cutting away to an extended shot of the hetero-approved, object of lust, Penelope Cruz. We can’t pass up noting the irony that Ms. Cruz (once romantically linked to a certain Mr. Cruise) was employed as a quickie beard for the most painfully straight Oscars telecast in years. (And no, we don’t count James Franco’s drag gag as a victory for queer visibility.)

In other gay Oscar news, Best Director winner Tom Hooper said we has surprised to learn that the location used for his Best Picture winning The King’s Speech was previously the site of a gay porn set, but added: “It was the right set for me and it was the right set for them.” During his acceptance speech, Hooper credited the “triangle of man love,” between himself and stars Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush for the film’s success.  No gay panic there!

Let’s hope that someday the Oscars and Hollywood catch up with Hooper and the rest of America on comfort with gay relationships.

Feb 25 2011

Pushing the Envelope: The Winners of Our Oscar Porn Title Challenge

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by thepleasurechest

We received nearly 200 entries in our Oscar Porn Title Challenge. Our readers are very clever with the wordplay, and know how to administer the pun-ishment. It took most of the afternoon to pick a winner, especially because many of the best entries were already porn titles, from the golden age of adult cinema. It’s true! But we finally settled on a favorite.

And the winner is…

@drz929 with My Left Foot Fetish

Congratulations D! You win the box of porn parody DVDs. We think you have a bright future writing comedy. Get thee to a punnery!

The contest for this year’s nominees was a lot tougher. Best Picture nominee The Fighter inspired The Squirter, The Fister, The Reamer & The Fluffer, while Winter’s Boner, Sex Toy Story 3, Exit Through the Porn Shop and 127 Whores seemed all but inevitable.

We also liked How to Drain Your Dragon, Inside Blowjob, Another Rear, Conception, Barney’s Virgin and The King’s Queef. (Did we mention that The King’s Speech was shot on a gay porn set?) Still, there was a clear favorite here at our ad-hoc awards ceremony.

And the winner is…

@urNaughtyAngel with The Chicks Are All Tight

Way to go, Angel! You win the $20 Pleasure Chest gift card. We’re willing to bet there’s a porn version of The Kids Are All Right in production at this very moment. (A straight dude tries to come between a lesbian couple. That’s like every straight porn ever!) If the producers are smart, they’ll use your title instead of “This Aint…The Kids Are All Right.”

There were many more creative entries. Among our favorites from the prolific @Zombianca were The Loin King, The Buns of Navarone, Cool Handjob Luke, Porn on the Fourth of July and Lawrence of A Labia. We couldn’t confirm if that last one had ever been made into a porn movie, but we did find this amazing cover art.

Reader @caitilinerin gave us Fiddle Her On the Roof, Howard’s Rear End, Four Weddings & a Gangbang and Apollo 13″.

@lillianbehrendt suggested All Tight in the Western Cunt and I Am A Fugitive From a Gangbang while @mattcornell gave us Million Dollar Adult Baby and Come Flew Over the Cuckold’s Chest. Finally @WestCoastMILFs suggested It’s a Wonderful MILF. Sounds like a new holiday classic.

Thanks to all who participated. Enjoy your weekend, whether you spend it watching the Oscars or something less trashy (like porn, for instance.)

Feb 22 2011

Take Our Oscar Porn Title Challenge & Win DVDs!

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by thepleasurechest

Porn parody titles have gotten lazy. We miss the old days of ET: The Extra Testicle, Romancing the Bone & Edward Penishands! So, to celebrate the upcoming Academy Awards, we’ve decided to get the creative juices flowing.

The contest

Submit your own porn titles for Oscar-nominated movies for a chance to win a pile o’ porn parody DVDs. Our favorite entry wins all seven porn parody DVDs pictured below! (We sure hope somebody out there is a Twihard!)

The prizes!

How to play

Here is a list of every film that has ever been nominated for Best Picture. Simply take a look at the list and start brainstorming porn titles. Then, follow one of our Twitter accounts: LA, Chicago or NY and tweet your entries with the hashtag #pleasurechestoscars. We’ll pick our favorites this Friday at noon PST. If more than one contestant comes up with the winning title, we’ll give the prize to the first entrant. It’s that simple.

One more way to win…

2010′s crop of titles seems unusually hard to spoof (and yes, we’ve already heard “True Clit”), so we’re adding this extra incentive for you creative pervs out there. We’ll also award a Pleasure Chest gift card for $20 to the best porn title entry for any of this year’s nominated films, in any category. A complete list of this year’s nominees is here.

Enter as many times as you wish. Good luck, have fun, and happy punning.

Bonus fun fact: The King’s Speech was filmed on a UK gay porn set.

Jan 07 2011

Zombi Art Dildo. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

Well, it was a close one, but last week’s contestant on Turn On or Buzz Off, the cock-sucking, one-eyed alien Maneater went down (so to speak) in defeat. 47% of voters were licking their chops, while 53% refused to bite. Sorry Maneater, the kitchen is closed. We’re sure you’ll find someone else to eat.

Speaking of monsters with a taste for human flesh, let’s talk zombies! From movies and TV to modern lit and gay porn, zombies are all the rage. And now, apparently, they’ve inspired their very own sex toy.

Introducing the Zombi Art Dildo from Necronomicox, a line of horror movie-inspired sex toys! Whether you’re a necrophile or simply a horror movie geek, you gotta love ad copy like this:

All it wants is your warm human flesh. A bloated, rotting, pustulant abomination. Choose from a variety of festering colours.

Size: ~7″ Long total and 1.5″ Across with clit stimulating arteries, and textured rotting penis head… so grotesque as to be amazing!

Each Zombi is made of body-safe, platinum silicone, and hand-painted “to give it personality and gruesome reality.”  Yay, just what we’ve always wanted in the bedroom: gruesome reality! So now, we turn to you, fearless reader. Can you imagine spending a hot night of the living dead with this dildo? The Zombi. Turn On or Buzz Off?

While you vote, please enjoy our special zombie-themed playlist!

May 18 2010

Sex with the in-crowd

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by thepleasurechest

Okay, not exactly, but sort of. You see, this month all three Pleasure Chest locations are sitting at the cool kids’ table with some of our favorite sex celebs and most popular workshops!

Tomorrow night in Los Angeles, adult film and fetish star Madison Young makes her PC debut teaching Fellatio and Fetishism. We’re super-excited about this fresh take on one of our most popular workshop subjects. She’ll talk about how to incorporate latex, bondage, smoking blow jobs, deep throating, sensation play, toys, and anal play for a long, luxurious oral worshipping of the cock.

On Monday, May 24th in Chicago, sex ed superstar Midori is teaching her workshop on how to please your man with blow-jobs and more,  Joy Stick Secrets, which has thrilled audiences in all three of our stores. She’ll be there most of the week, with How to Eat a Peach: Cunnilingus with Midori on Tuesday, and Rosy Cheeks: Spanking with Midori on Wednesday.

And of course, the New York staff of Sex Specialists are known never to disappoint. They’ll be teaching everyone’s favorite penis-pleasing workshop Blow-jobs and Beyond on Tuesday, May 25th.

Get there early! These FREE workshops are always in-demand and seating is limited.

Attractive? Yes. Crowd-pleasing? Definitely. Popular? Always. But don’t call us The Plastics…. unless you mean silicone.

Jan 25 2010

Celebrity Skin

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by thepleasurechest

After reading this post on gothamist about a female New York Times columnist calling the devastatingly beautiful Christina Hendricks a “big girl” (THE HORROR!) and the paper allegedly manipulating the image of her on the Golden Globes red carpet to make her look bigger, I was totally outraged. First of all, she is far from fat. Secondly, despite popular belief, fat people are actually human beings who don’t eat kittens, are not the cause of global warming, and can be as sexy and stylish as anyone else. Lastly, I thought Christina’s ruffly, peach Christian Siriano dress was, well, fierce.

Left: the NY Times image; Right: the original image. Comparison via gothamist.com

Anyway, this got me thinking, not only about women and how we treat one another (I’m a feminist), but how much I’d really like to see Christina Hendricks naked (a horny feminist). I honestly cannot imagine a life in which I never get to see her breasts in their full, be-nippled glory. It seems that in today’s society, we are spoiled with nude pictures and sex tapes of celebrities to the extent that we have actually come to expect visual access to their naked bodies in addition to the juicy details of their personal lives.

For example: Britney Spears’ labia flash a few years ago? Shocking. Lindsay Lohan’s? Slightly less shocking, but still provocative. Britney’s and Lindsay’s second and third lip slips? Wow. I mean, if you had told me when I was younger that one day in my 20s I’d be able to draw my celebrity contemporaries’ vulvae from memory, I would have never believed you and probably thought you were a complete perv.

Now fast forward: Kim Kardashian’s sex tape? Whatever, nice ass. Cassie’s pierced nipples and labia ring? NBD (no big deal). Rihanna’s nude shots? Not too shabby, actually, and kind of artsy in a Guys with iPhones sort of way.

So, in the midst of all this, I realized that now I pretty much expect to see just about anyone I want to naked. I’ve seen most of my friends naked (I’m a girl, it happens), I’ve seen Madonna naked, I’ve seen Hermione Granger’s nipple, and so on and so forth. The possibilities seem endless!

In all seriousness, if Christina Hendricks never decides to take the plunge and concludes that her plunging necklines are revealing enough, it won’t ruin my life. The rest of the drooling masses and I will go on, and there is plenty of skin, celebrity and otherwise, to gawk at on the internet, as well as the celeb sex tapes and parodies we carry at The Pleasure Chest. I just think the sense of entitlement to certain people’s private lives is an interesting thing to think about, from a cultural standpoint and as a sex-positive, body-positive, feminist sex worker.

On that note, I will leave you with the French version of the trailer for Chloe, a movie starring another outrageously hot redhead, Julianne Moore, and the lovely Amanda Seyfried. This version of the trailer undoubtedly has more nudity in it than the American one will. That’s right folks, this trailer also stars a shot of Amanda Seyfried’s titty, though its true identity is suspect due to the lack of face action. In any event, enjoy!