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Apr 25 2013

Fundawear. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

Last time on Turn On or Buzz Off, we introduced you to Buxxer, a tiny explorer with an unusually phallic, vibrating helmet. We didn’t have much information on this toy, but it was love at first sight for most of our readers. 72% of you wanted to blast off with Buxxer, while 28% launched the lil’ bugger into the Friend Zone.  Our hats off to Buxxer!

This week’s contender isn’t even a real product (yet). But it’s gotten so much online buzz, we just had to poll our readers (the buzz experts). Toss out your granny panties and banana hammocks, and feast your eyes on Durex Fundawear. Yes, these are vibrating underwear controlled by an iPhone app. Fundawear were dreamed up by the design folks at Durex Australia, giving new meaning to the “thunder from Down Under.”

Check out this promotional video in which a couple of adorable Aussies zing each other’s naughty bits with the swipe of a touchscreen. Is Fundawear the future of Skype sex?  Will it replace your reliable vibrating panties as the go-to lingerie for discreet diddling at the dinner table?  Even though it’s still a twinkle in some Australian designer’s eye, Fundawear certainly looks promising.

Here’s another video in which Fundawear’s creators peel back the cotton curtain to show you the hardware under there.

While Fundawear’s designers tinker with their intimate invention, we have some time to ponder the coming sex tech revolution. Can you see yourself shimmying into a pair of Fundawear? Or do you prefer your sexting tech to stop at your fingertips? Fundawear. Turn On or Buzz Off?

Apr 10 2013

Buxxer. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

buxxer

Last week, we asked you about the Wake-up Vibe, a combination alarm clock and adult toy that promises to rouse you with sweet vibrations. 60% of our readers said it was a snooze while 40% were ready to rise to the occasion.  It’s a neat idea, but maybe the Wake-up Vibe is just ahead of its time.

This week, we introduce you to Buxxer. He’s the yellow guy in the middle up above. We don’t know much about him, as this photo was snapped at the International Lingerie Show in Las Vegas just a few hours ago. We assume that button on his belly triggers vibrations in his pointy helmet, giving his user the same look of surprise on his cute little face.

We need help deciding if Buxxer belongs in our store. Since attraction is all about first impressions, you tell us. Would you hop aboard Buxxer’s vibrating helmet? Or are you just toying with his affections? Take our poll.

 

 

 

 

Apr 04 2013

Wake-up Vibe. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

It’s been just over a year since we last polled our readers for Turn On or Buzz Off. Last time we told you about a miniature dildo called the NoseBanger, designed to stimulate the elusive “N-Spot” inside the nose. Well, as you might have guessed, both the NoseBanger and the N-Spot were fake. Just a little April foolin’ from our copywriting department. That didn’t stop folks from sounding off on the peculiar finger-shaped dildo. 40% of you would pick the NoseBanger, while the remaining 60% thought it blew.

wakeup

This time, we promise no shenanigans. Here’s an actual product we want your feedback on. Meet the Wake-up Vibe, a combination alarm clock and vibrator. Yes, it’s an alarm clock for your vagina.

The concept is simple. Before bed, program the toy with the time you want to wake up, choose from one of six vibe patterns and then slip it inside your panties. The ergonomic shape of the Wake-up Vibe is designed for comfort while you sleep. “Toss and turn and it will stay in place,” promises the website.

We love this video of a beautiful woman throwing her old school alarm clock in an industrial trash can, and later waking up (with flawless makeup), aroused from slumber by her space-age vibrator.

As heavy sleepers, we think the Wake-up Vibe might be a less rude awakening than our ancient Radio Shack alarm clock with its nagging beep. But we also worry that the Wake-up Vibe might simply rouse us into consciousness long enough to have an orgasm, and then send us plummeting back into sleep, and eventually unemployment. Will we truly rest easier with a time bomb ticking in our panties? Will this promote sleep or distract us?

What do you think? Would you put a sexy vibrating clock in your pajamas? Or do you find the idea of the Wake-up Vibe alarming? Take our poll!

Mar 30 2012

The NoseBanger. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

Last month, we introduced you to the Heeldo, a strap-on harness for the foot. In total, 113 of you voted and a whopping 83% were fans of footballin’, while just 17% wanted to kick the Heeldo to the curb. It probably helped that Heeldo told its Twitter followers to toe the line and vote in our poll. But we don’t want our praise to seem arch or callous. So we’ll simply say congratulations Heeldo!

The NoseBanger

This month’s contender on Turn On or Buzz Off ain’t nothin’ to sneeze at. Meet the NoseBanger, the world’s first (only?) nose-stimulating dildo. Last year, we wrote about the tentative discovery of the N-Spot, an erogenous zone in the right nostril. Located  in the columella, the fleshy outer part of the septum, this discreet bundle of nerves is quite sensitive to pressure. Many dedicated nasal spelunkers have even discovered the ability to have an “orgasm-like” experience when probing the N-Spot.

According to the marketing literature sent with the NoseBanger, its creators are hoping to um, fill the hole in the market for toys catering to nasophiles:

Made of platinum cure, body-safe silicone, the NoseBanger is the world’s first nasal dildo. Simply slip the NoseBanger over your index finger, generously apply lubricant, and then gently insert into your nostril or your partner’s.

N-Spot detail

If you are “N-Spotting,” insert into the right nostril and gently push the head of the NoseBanger to the mid-point of the septum. Gently and firmly rub the cartilage to awaken and stimulate the nerve bundle. With dedicated practice, many users report experiencing climax. Whether to pleasure your N-Spot or simply to enjoy penetration in a new way, the NoseBanger guarantees hours of fun! 

The NoseBanger’s creators also suggest slipping a condom over your finger, for protection and to prevent slippage. Though it can be used with any lube, they’re recommending their own viscous, water-based formula I Can’t Believe It’S Not Lube.

Say what you will about the inventors of the NoseBanger– they’ve got a sense of humor. In fact, their pun-filled brochure is like mucus to our ears. We wonder what their manufacturing process looks like. Can we take a tour of the ole’ factory?

Special Lubricant

Unfortunately, the makers of the NoseBanger did not send along any photos of their product in use. But given the rise in nasophilia, we smell a hit! It shouldn’t be long before nasophiles are posting pics of their plundered holes on schnoz sites all over the interwebs.

On the other hand, we have some logistical questions. Won’t we look a bit silly with a small cock up our noses? And what about nose hair? Do we wax it bare or keep the classic bush? Won’t this toy just make us insecure about the size of our nostrils?

What about you? Do you dig the NoseBanger? Would you pick it or flick it? Take our poll!

Feb 15 2012

Heeldo. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

It’s been almost a year since our last installment of Turn On or Buzz Off– the feature where we ask readers to weigh in on the weirdest products in the adult toy industry. As some dedicated fans might remember, we’ve polled you on everything from zombie dildos and Simpsons porn, to an MMA bed and a vibrating bra! Some of the contenders in Turn On or Buzz Off, like the adorable Bzzzbuddies and the stealthy L’Intimate, have even found their way onto our stores’ shelves. We’d almost forgotten about this feature, until a new product landed on our desk this week.

Meet the Heeldo, a strap-on harness for your foot! Oh sure, you’ve seen the thigh harness, the hand harness and the chin strap. But what’s the appeal of footballin’?

Let the marketing folks at Heeldo explain:

Heeldo™ is the FIRST strap-on dildo harness for your foot allowing for vaginal, clitoral or anal stimulation.  It slides on your foot like a sock and a dildo protrudes out of the back of the harness, where your heel is. You can then sit, squat, and bounce on your favorite harness-friendly dildo.

  • Compatible with most harness-friendly dildos on the market
  • Made of neoprene and is hand washable
  • Guaranteed pleasurable blowjob for both men and women
  • Ideal for straight and gay couple play
  • Great for female solo masturbation or male self-pegging
  • Prostate stimulation for intense male orgasms!

Sounds toe-tally awesome, right? We can see how this harness would be a shoe-in with foot fetishists. But we’re not sure we’ve got the coordination required to give a blowjob while giving ourselves a toe job. Either way, we imagine, the Heeldo would provide one helluva workout.

What about you? Would you get your kicks from the Heeldo? Or is foot-oriented sex your Achilles’ heel? Take our poll!

Mar 04 2011

We Dare. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

In our last poll, we asked readers to sound off on the Pangao Breast Enhancer. The infamous vibrating bra got very little support. Most of you hated this gadget, and couldn’t wait to get it off of your chests! Only a pair of voters were hooked. So long, Pangao Breast Enhancer, and thanks for the… (No, we can’t even go there. Some puns are unmentionable.)

This week’s contestant on Turn On or Buzz Off is for the swingers among you.  Wanna put the “game” back in non-monogamy? Sick of the same old key parties? Check out We Dare, an adults only game for the Nintendo Wii and PS3.

Here’s the come-on:

“We Dare is a sexy, quirky party game that offers a large variety of hilarious, innovative and physical, sometimes kinky, challenges. The more friends you invite to the party, the saucier the game!”

“Use the Wii-mote and PS3 Move controller in unbelievable ways, as you’ve never imagined before…wave it around to the beat of your favourite tunes, old and new…put it in your pocket and act-out flirtatious actions…balance it to navigate precarious challenges…sometimes co-operative hugging helps, and it certainly doesn’t hurt. Enjoy the unique gameplay designed for the use of these motion controllers exclusively for We Dare.”

Ah yes, “cooperative hugging”– the first step to a successful orgy. Whatever happened to a couple bottles of wine and a game of strip poker?

Judging from its now infamous commercial, We Dare is aiming for a demographic that doesn’t already hang out at swing clubs or poly munches. It’s apparently being marketed to straight, vanilla couples as a fun way to ease in to partner swapping, with some light spanking, sofa snuggling, trivia and other games. In this sense, it reminds us a lot of the old school “icebreaker” board games like 7 Deadly Sins or Sexy Slang.

Even though the ad looks a bit cheesy (OK, like a big hunk of cheddar with a slice of Velveeta on top), the truth is we can imagine playing We Dare with the right group of friends. But what about you? Whether you’re a novice at non-monogamy or a seasoned swinger, we want to know what you think. Would you swap Pictionary (and your partner) for a night with We Dare?

Editor’s note: We realize that we’re playing fast and loose with some different terms here. For an excellent primer on the difference between polyamory and swinging, we recommend this video by Ms. Nina Hartley.

Feb 10 2011

Pangao Breast Enhancer. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

We’ve got the dirt on last month’s poll about the lint roller with a vibrator hidden inside. 62% of you would gladly take L’Intimate out for a spin, while just 12% want it to stay hidden. We’re also proud to report that 27% of you don’t bother to hide your sex toys at all. Now, that’s what we call “true grit.” Stick with us, because L’Intimate might be rolling into a store near you soon.

This week’s contestant on Turn On or Buzz Off is a vibrating bra. Or as its Chinese manufacturer Pangao calls it, a “Breast Enhancer.” Why would you want such a product? Allow the very enlightened feminists at Pangao’s marketing department to explain:

A well-developed and sexy cleavage is a symbol of a female’s charm. The female breasts are not only meant for feeding babies; they are an important part of a woman’s body. Every woman dreams of having beautiful and sexy breasts as this is perceived as being attractive.

Pangao Breast Enhancer is the best gift for every woman. By using it often, it can prevent and cure breast diseases and enhance the shape of one’s cleavage.

But how does this miracle product work? Read on:

PANGAO Breast Enhancer stimulates the female breast, accelerates blood circulation and activates cell renewal and hormone secretion through physical massage by the vibration balls found within the enhancer. Thus, the female breast is obviously enlarged and will look more rounded, sexy and youthful

PANGAO Breast Enhancer effectively pushes up the breast, dredges breast glands, eliminates blood stasis and prevents breast diseases and breast from flaccid. It also moves fat from problem areas to give a well-shaped figure. If used often, it can prevent insomnia, increase immunity to diseases and assist in better internal secretion.

Wow, it’s too bad the name “Wonder Bra” was already taken! And if you don’t believe the copywriters from Pangao, just check out the celebrity endorsements. Here’s a clip of Ellen DeGeneres and Jennifer Aniston dredging their breast glands on national television.

As sex positive folks who like breasts in all shapes and sizes, we’re not sure that the vibrating bra is something we can, uh, support. Our cups runneth over with companies preying on women’s insecurities to make a quick buck. Still, the boobs running Pangao may have another agenda in mind. Vibrators of yore were often sold for their “health” properties, so perhaps this vibrating bra is really a stealth sex toy. Would the extra jiggle make you giggle? Does the vibrating bra make you titter? Or just angry and bitter?

Jan 28 2011

L’Intimate. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

Voter turnout was very low in last week’s poll on the Obama Condom. With 100% of precincts reporting, we can now confirm that the Obama Condom will not be taking an oath of orifice.

Even though our fragile democracy has vetoed the Presidential prophylactic, we note that the British monarchy has its own version. Check out “Crown Jewels” brand condoms created to honor the upcoming nuptials of Prince Williams. Our suggested slogan: “For when you want to get royally fucked!”

This week’s contestant on Turn On or Buzz Off is classier than our usual fare. It’s a product designed for those discrete souls who want to keep their sex toys hidden from prying eyes. Say bonjour to L’Intimate, (a play on the words “lint” and “intimate”), a functional lint roller, with a secret compartment in the handle for storing a vibrator. It’s basically a stashcan for your vibe!

Or, in the words of its manufacturer, Miss Chivus:

L’Intimate is a dual-functioning product that elevates the level of class and discretion for women looking to maintain pleasure in their personal lives. Our goal is to provide a functional compromise between natural sexuality and sophistication.

There’s even a helpful diagram showing you how to open the secret compartment and remove your vibrator (which is included). Miss Chivus promises that L’Intimate is “the first in a soon to be revolutionary line of ‘disguised’ adult products.” There’s definitely a demand for covert sex toys. There are already sex toys disguised as lipstick, a sponge, a USB thumb drive and even a bicycle grip.

For those with nosy houseguests (the kind who open drawers and look under beds), L’Intimate might be a dream come true. As a fringe benefit, you might get a special thrill when an unsuspecting visitor runs the roller along their coat or evening gown. Or, on the other hand, will you have neurotic visions of the guest unlocking the secret compartment and discovering your naughty secret?

We have irrational fears of our own. Around our house, the lint roller is the primary weapon in the war against cat hair– the natural enemy of sticky sex toys. Do we really want our vibrator riding shotgun inside a lint magnet?

Let us know what you think. L’Intimate. Turn On or Buzz Off?

Jan 21 2011

Obama Condoms. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

Don’t have a cow, but it looks like our readers actually wanna see The Simpsons porn parody. In last week’s poll, 55% of voters got sprung for Springfield smut, while the remaining 45% simply wanted Homer to keep it in his pants. We’re sure the movie got a boost from its creator Lee Roy Myers who tweeted the poll to his followers. Mr. Myers’ politicking is fine by us, and the people have most definitely spoken. That’s democracy. D’oh! You can expect to see The Simpsons porn parody in our DVD section in the near future.

Speaking of democracy, this week’s contestant on Turn On of Buzz Off is the Obama Condom. That’s right, cause nothing quite sets the mood for sexytime like a heated political argument.

Consisting of a Crown condom wrapped in a cardboard sleeve, the Obama Condom comes in three different designs, each bearing its own slogan:

“Hope is a Not a Form of Protection.”

“The Ultimate Stimulus Package.”

“Use With Good Judgment.”

We hope the condoms aren’t quite as stale as the jokes. Obama Condoms are made by a company called Practice Safe Policy, which, to be fair, also makes condoms poking fun at Sarah Palin and John McCain. When it comes to adult products inspired by President Obama, these condoms are relatively tame. A company called Head O State already makes an Obama dildo, while in China, you can get an Obama love doll.

Even though products like this are common, we suspect that some of you won’t be voting for the Obama Condom. If you saw a lover whip one of these out, would you stage a filibuster? Whether you lean left in the bedroom or are simply bipartisan curious, it’s time to go the polls. The Obama Condom. Turn On or Buzz Off?

Jan 14 2011

Simpsons Porn Parody. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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by thepleasurechest

Last week, we asked you to weigh in on the Zombi Art Dildo from the line of horror movie-inspired toys from Necronomicox. The overwhelming majority of our readers had a grave response. Nearly 27% of you declared the Zombi a “Yawn of the Dead” while a decisive 48% hammered the final nail into its coffin. To the handful of necrophiles and horror fans who dug the undead dildo, have fun, but don’t forget, this Zombi doesn’t want you for your brains!

In case there are still traces of your innocence left, we submit this week’s contestant: the Simpsons porn parody.

If you follow the adult industry, you know that parodies are very popular. From Pirates of the Carribean and Avatar, to Batman and Sex & The City, our pop culture past and present is being plundered for prurient profit. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

And nothing is sacred. Not even the cartoons of our youth. If you think Simpsons porn is a special kind of wrong, ask how it differs from the hardcore Flintstones or the upcoming Justice League porn parody. In fact, Simpsons adult fanfic and illustrated Simpsons porn has been with us for a long time. (Google it, if you must.)

Still, are we ready to see the beloved characters of the longest running series in the history of American TV engaging in hardcore sex? The already infamous trailer from Larry Flynt Productions touts: “You’ve never seen sex this yellow.” Some tagline, eh? Round here, we are uncurious about yellow sex. How about you, dear reader? The Simpsons porn parody. Turn On or Buzz Off?

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