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Entering the Back Door: Butt Sex Basics

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by thepleasurechest

When engaging in anal play, it is essential to relax and use plenty of lube. Unlike the vagina, the anus is not self-lubricating. One of the key things to remember about anal adventures with a partner is the incredible amount of trust involved. Practice open communication with your partner and let the person being penetrated control the action. Ultimately, good anal sex boils down to 5 principles: Communication, Preparation, Relaxation, Lubrication, Exploration.

Communication:

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Porn and pop culture tells us that anal sex is painful and something to soldier through, but it doesn’t have to be that way! This fear causes folks to turn to numbing lubes or creams, which are unsafe because they inhibit the body’s pain response. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong, and you should listen to it! Always remember that consent is key, and that anything less than an enthusiastic YES! is a NO.

Preparation:

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Anal sex doesn’t really “just happen”, and definitely not like it does in porn. Many of us like to take some steps to prepare for anal sex before we jump in to it. This prep can include (but is not limited to) eating right and staying hydrated before the big event (maybe don’t have Taco Bell before a hot anal sex date!). A shower beforehand is always encouraged, and if you want to take things a step further, you can always douche with warm water about an hour or two before sex.  You can also keep things clean AND safe with Condoms, gloves, and dams

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Relaxation:

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It’s a fact: we carry lots of stress and tension in our butts! In order to relax enough for insertion, you need to take the time to warm up the butt. Give your partner a butt-focused massage with the Jimmyjane Afterglow Massage Candle, which smells great and melts into warm (not hot!) massage oil. Use your fingers to start opening up your partner, or rim them. You can also build up to anal sex by wearing/playing with a butt plug. We love the Fun Factory Bootie, which is a great option for anal amateurs and is now available in a graduated setOnly use toys with a handle or flared base, like the Tantus Ripple, otherwise they can slip inside the rectum during use and get lost. Trust me, you don’t want to be stuck in the E.R. concocting a story about how you slipped and fell ass-first onto a spatula!

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Lubrication:

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We cannot stress this enough: use a lot of lube! If you think you have enough, you’re probably wrong. Silicone lube like Pjur Analyse Me! is great for butt sex because it stays slick for a long time, but water-based lube can be thicker and more cushioning for delicate anal tissue, like Sliquid Sassy. And there’s always the ever-popular oil-based lube like Shaft, but be advised that is NOT compatible with latex condoms. Experiment to find what’s right for you. And be sure to read about Our Favorite Anal Lubes.

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Exploration:

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Remember to relax and take things slow. By now you should have spent plenty of time warming up the butt and easing your partner open. Don’t be goal driven, be experience driven. Even if eventually you’re getting ready to learn how to enjoy pounding penetration, take it one step at a time, and remember to feel all of the new sensations throughout your body. Let yourself luxuriate in the feeling. The slower you go, the more you’ll be able to feel and enjoy. When you finally start penetration (with a toy or with a penis) go slowly and continually check in with your partner. Let them call the shots: it’s their butt, after all! During butt play, do not enter the vagina with the same toy/finger/penis without thoroughly washing it or changing condoms.

To learn more about anal sex, check out Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Anal Sex and The Anal Sex Position Guide!

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3 Comments

  • Kiss My Ass: Rimming & Analingus « The Pleasure Chest

    […] then you can only imagine the divine pleasure of an ardent rimjob. In fact, rimming is great for anal sex beginners. It can be an excellent way to get your partner in the mood for more advanced anal play. It helps […]

    ReplyFebruary 24, 2011 at 3:37 am

  • res_ident

    As a gay male of nearly 50 I have always had fears/reservations about anal sex – though also curious. Also had several painful/bad experiences with it. :-/

    I have been reading up on ways to get past this (safely – of course!) and appreciate this little article. I’m wondering: I’m VERY tight – what are some good ways/techniques/toys I could use to loosen and relax myself on my own – and how regularly should I use them? Much Thanks! -res

    ReplyApril 16, 2015 at 6:06 pm

    • Kate M.

      For getting over fears about anal play, we recommend incorporating it into stuff you already enjoy. Start with external play – use a finger or a vibrator to massage your anus – while you masturbate. The idea is to re-train your brain a bit, so that you associate butt play with pleasure rather than stress and are able to relax and enjoy it. After all, stress makes your butt tense up, and then you’re back to square one.

      Once you get comfortable, a small butt plug can be a great, low-key way to incorporate butt stuff into your solo play. We always recommend the Njoy Pure Plugs in small or medium, and a lot of our customers love the Aneros Helix Syn plug.

      Have fun!

      April 16, 2015 at 11:45 pm

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