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These aren't your KID'S TOYS - SXE MAGAZINE

LA's The Pleasure Chest knows that adults like to play, too

What is a male masturbator? No it's not your 13 year old son who has recently begun locking his bedroom door. It's a product sold at the Pleasure Chest, in West Hollywood, which I wander into one fine day to research what exactly a sex toy can do for a regular guy like myself. Yes, sex shops like the Pleasure Chest have a branding issue - they are seen by the public as the place Miss Lonely Hearts goes to buy her vibrator. But the truth is, they stock plenty of interesting gadgets for the adventurous straight male, too. "It's a case of enhancing a natural act with products that heighten the experience of pleasure." says the manager Dave Ballow.

Take, for instance, the aforementioned masturbator. There's such a wide variety of models to help out a guy in need. Perhaps the old right hand has gotten a bit blase'. Try the Afro-Centric Blue's Booty, with 5 hypersonic functions of vibrating, pulsating and surging action, based on porn star Vanessa Blue's wedding tackle.

"It's basically a more compact and portable version of the blow-up love doll that we're so familiar with," explains an attractive saleswoman. Yes, compact in that they've left out everything above the navel and below the thighs. Of course, if life size replicas of the female are your thing, the blow up doll has come a long way. For around $200 you can buy yourself a state-of-the-art single-pour technique for a perfect replica of Tera Patrick, complete with customized-to-fit Futurotic mouth.

"No thanks," I explain, "These individual sports are fine, but I'm more of a team player, if you know what I mean."

An "Aha!" flashes over her face, and she leads me over to the remote control vibrators. Now here's something I can bring home to the wife. Giving her a regular vibrator, of course, has always been out of the question. I'm no dummy. I know that once my wife gets a hold of one of these fancy shmancy Rabbit Pearl Dildos or Hitachi Wands, I'll become about as important to her as her appendix. But htis line of products keeps me in the picture. Of course, it will put a new spin on our age old battle over the remote. She'll slip on the Vibrating Tiger Panty, and as long as I'm within 12 feet of her I can give - or more importantly - withhold the buzz at my whim with the digital remote.

For your more analog pleasures, though, there's the trusty metal bands, or latex loops, even adjustable leather cinches to enhance pleasure of both the male and the female. Soft Touch Vibrating Cyberskin Couples Cockring, for instance, comes in amazing mult-speed vibration for him and her.

"I don't know if you have my size," I say, jokingly, to my hostess. But without missing a beat she produces an extra-large magnum size with 2-1/8 inch diameter.

"Will this do?" she winks back at me - I'm starting to really enjoy this place.

It is very tastefully arranged, after all, as far as stores go. In the front whe you first walk in, you're greeted with inoffensive material, like cards, t-shirts and cheerful boobie ice sculptures.

"It helps put everybody at ease," the manager David explains to me later. "Sex is a big scary topic for some people. Fun toys and pretty things make you feel welcome when you first come in the store. Like these Talking Penises."

Then, as you get to the next level, you'll find the lube and condoms and stuff. Finally, in the back, if you're brave enough to venture in, You'll find the hard core gear like cock rings, whips and chains. Which brings me to a comment that I make when I look at the next product the saleswoman pulls out for me, a kind of clamp or vise with a charming little name.

"Ball Crusher?" I mouth. "My wife already does that." Unamused, my tour guide ushers me out of the bondage area. She can sense that pain is not my thing, but if it were, they do have a variety of clamps, forceps and tweezers that are downright... medical. There's even a whole electricity section which I don't quite understand, but it involves giving people electric shocks in nasty places, I quess.

But finally I find exactly the thing I've been looking for, when she hands me the Creat-A-Cock Kit, Only $49.99. "That's perfect," I said. "With this I can make a perfect copy of my own erect manhood in super realistic rubber."

Of course, the question arises, what exactly to do with super realistic rubber copy of my own manhood? My wife will figure something out! And suddenly, as I dance out into the West Hollywood heat, with my package in hand, I can't wait to get back home to find out what!