THIS ENTRY WAS POSTED ON August 20, 2015 BY Lucas Brooks.
Dear Lube,
Forgive me if I sound corny, but I think it’s time that I told you something: I love you. I’m sure this comes as no surprise to you, or anybody else, but I wanted to take a few moments out of my day to make sure you know how I felt.
There was a time when I thought I didn’t need you, but those days are over. Now I see that without you, I’d be useless. I would lost, stranded…waiting out of eager orifices, with no way of getting in. How many butts would I have left alone and unpenetrated, without you guiding me toward the sweet pleasures that awaited in the dark cave below? So many treasured prostates would be left abandoned.
Even when I’m alone, I can feel you with me. On me. Inside me. Guiding my hands around places they never knew they could please. Escorting my toys toward places they never thought could be penetrated. What was once considered an enjoyable pastime is now a sublime solo experience, incomparable to fucking another person…which is one of my favorite activities in the whole world, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes you just need your own hand…you know what I mean?
When I first met you, I confess, I was unimpressed. You were hard to miss, at the Pride parade, running all over the place in your ID Glide packets, getting into everyone’s pockets. It was not your classiest moment. But I was a fool to judge you, because there is so much more to you than that. You know I like you best in your sleek glass pump bottle, and your soft foil pillows suit you nicely as well, but even in your plastic bottle and pop-cap, you take my breath away.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways… One. Two. Okay, two ways: water-based and silicone. My moments with your water-based formulas are fleeting, it’s true, but I know that they will always be reliable…and way easier to clean up after. And while, on your silicone nights, you can be a bit fickle…not cooperating with most of my toys and all that…they are still wild, passionate affairs that I will cherish all my life.
Even on your worst days, you brighten up my life, and I will never be able to thank you enough. As god as my witness, I will never spit into my hand again.
Love,
Lucas
Lucas Brooks is a New York-based writer, performance artist, and sex educator. His blog “The Intellectual Homosexual” (formerly “Top to Bottom”) has been named one of the top 100 sex blogs in the world by four different websites and magazines. He has spent the last three years touring the continent with his one-man shows “VGL 5’4″ Top” and “Cootie Catcher”, the former of which was named “Best LGBT Show” in the Orlando Fringe Festival in 2014. As a sex educator, he has presented at Dark Odyssey events and Catalyst Con, and is currently on staff at The Pleasure Chest.
Website: intellectualhomosexual.com
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Images from Blake Little