​Anatomy of a Spanking

Spanking is nearly universally loved in the Kink world. It’s dynamic, approachable, and requires nothing more than a firm hand and a willing rear end to have a good time. Often spanking is an entry point into Kink. It is accessible and gives people their first taste of yummy, erotic pain. But why is that? Why is spanking so delicious? Does it have to do with our anatomy? Do we love slapping butts because of their proximity to our genitals? Or are we driven by childhood experiences that have grown into adult desires and fetishes? Or is it kinky porn that got us curious to try it?

Well the simple answer is … Yes.

Our love for spanking is a tiramisu of physiological, psychological, and cultural influences layering on top of each other to make a delicious experience for Kinky people across the globe. Let’s get into the salty and sweet ingredients that make up spanking and hopefully increase your reverence for the practice.

Spanking & the Pudendal Nerve

Impact play can be wonderful on many parts of the body but impact on the derriere is something special. The reason for that is a very special nerve in your body called the PUDENDAL NERVE.

Now, the pudendal nerve has an unfortunate name. I don’t know exactly what happened to humans thousands of years ago that led us to hate our genitals so much, but the word PUDENDAL comes from the Latin word PUDENDA, meaning external genitals. And pudenda is derived from another Latin word PUDENDUM, which means, of course, “parts to be ashamed of" (LOUD SIGH). So, if you’re dealing with any kind of genital shame in your life, know it isn’t just you. Humans have been shaming their bodies and sexuality for many millennia. Thanks, Roman Empire.

Anyway, the inappropriately named pudendal nerve, is the patron saint of the genitals AND butt. This goddess nerve exits the spine from the sacrum (base of the back) and branches off to various parts of the anus, genitals, butt and pelvic floor. It’s an essential nerve in everyday life, playing a role in sexual health, continence, and overall pelvic stability. It’s the nerve that allows you to hold your pee and poop and it’s also responsible for transmitting all those pleasurable, orgasmic signals from your genitals to your brain. In the diagram below, blue shows the areas of the body that the pudendal nerve is responsible for providing sensation to.

From the front you see the pudendal nerve is providing sensation to the genitals, pubic mound and inner, upper thighs. From the back you see a lot of the butt gets its sensory input from the pudendal nerve as well. Weirdly, right where your butt crack starts, where your tailbone curves under, that spot gets it’s sensation from a different nerve.

You may have noticed from your own experience that arousing one part of the pudendal nerve sensory area can have an activating effect on other pudendal areas. Butt squeezes, pubic mound pressure, inner thigh caresses, anal stimulation, genital touch, and yes, SPANKING, all activate and arouse the pudendal nerve.

Some areas under the pudendal’s jurisdiction are more sensitive than others. The closer you get to the genitals and anus, the more nerve endings you’ll find. The anus alone has around 20,000 nerve endings. To put that in perspective, each of your highly sensitive fingertips has about 3,000 nerve endings. The anus even has more nerve endings than the highly sensitive clitoris, but spread over a larger surface area. So, it makes sense that the Sweet Spot of spanking is where the butt curves under, towards the anus, seen here in darker blue.

This spot often loves gentle bites and scratches, slaps and squeezes. The lighter blue area is a bit less sensitive but still delicious for spanking.

Spanking Safety

Now for some Spanking Safety. Keep Impact Play on the meat of the body, like the butt and thighs, avoiding bones, organs, and joints. The tailbone and sacrum should never be hit during a spanking. The diagram below shows the location of the tailbone, sacrum, and sciatic nerve.

You may be familiar with the sciatic nerve already. When we have lower back issues the sciatic nerve can get pinched and cause incredible leg pain. As you can see, it runs right through prime spanking territory. The good news is that this huge nerve is buried behind the glutes. However, if you are bent over at a sharp angle, like grabbing your ankles, or if you don’t have much junk in your trunk, or if you have a history of sciatic problems, this is not the time to go wild with wooden paddles on your butt and thighs. Keep heavier play to less bent over positions like standing, over the knee, or a simple 90 degree bend over a table.

Additionally, we don’t want to hit bones. The ass might be the meatiest part of the body but the tailbone is the glute's closest neighbor. We never want to hit the sensitive tailbone. If you’re new to using implements and unsure of your aim, place your free hand over the Bottom’s tailbone, protecting it should you miss. Here is a diagram of places on the body that are generally okay for Impact Play, individual preferences, physical abilities, and triggers aside.

Your Brain on Spanking

The nerves of the body are highways transporting sensory information up to the brain. When you get a good smack on the ass, your pudendal nerve quickly sends signals about what’s happening up to your brain. It's your brain that interprets these signals from the nerves and feels the sensation. Basically, the brain is where the magic happens. Pleasure, pain, and all sensations in between are inconsequential without the brain. We see this illustrated when a spinal cord injury severs a nerve, cutting off the brain's ability to receive signals from a particular part of the body. If the brain is not connected (via nerves), we cannot feel. Similarly, when a part of the body is amputated, people report being able to feel the missing part of the body. This is because sensation lives in the brain.

So, what’s happening in your brain when you’re being spanked? Well, your pudendal nerve is reporting back to the brain saying, “Wow, we’re getting so much attention in our genital region!” This releases dopamine, endorphins, oxytocin, and serotonin that activates pleasure receptors in the brain. As pleasure begins to activate, your brain orders blood supply to your genitals, engorging and arousing the area and making it even more sensitive.

Now your spanking is getting a little more intense and pain is entering the situation. This can spur your brain to release adrenaline, making you more present and aware of your environment. You’ll also release even more endorphins, acting as a natural Morphine, dulling pain and lowering stress levels. Pain also triggers the brain to flood the spanked area with even more restorative blood flow, making it more receptive to pleasure and less sensitive to pain.

This is why a Warm Up is good practice when spanking. Slowly working your way up to peak intensity allows the body to go through this amazing process, making your spanking more delicious and allowing you to play more intensely and for a longer period of time. This combination of pain and pleasure in the area of the pudendal nerve is mmmwah (chef’s kiss), good sexy times!

But Wait, There’s More!

We all know the brain has a much more complex job than just interpreting sensation. As you’re receiving your spanking your super hot Top calls you a “naughty slut” (or whatever knocks your socks). Your brain only hears these kinds of words in sexual contexts and the association fires up your arousal. Their dominating tone of voice reminds you of movies and porn that glorify sexual aggression. Your brain is ringing with recognition of sexual symbolism and loving it.

A lot of what we find erotic or sexy originates in our personal experiences as well as what we absorb from our culture. Experiences in childhood can develop into adult desires or even fetishes. Media and culture are constantly sending us messages about what is considered attractive and worthy of sexual attention. We learn about what sex should look like from movies and porn, reflexively building an erotic muscle in our brains.

A person may have been spanked as a child, unknowingly having their pudendal nerves activated, and grows up to be an adult who has sexualized or even fetishized spanking. Their erotic muscle for spanking has been exercised since childhood.

On the other hand, you might have a person who was never spanked but saw a movie or porn where a person they identified with is being spanked. It got them thinking, huh, maybe I should try spanking. Because they have not yet flexed this erotic muscle, spanking might feel silly at first. Their brain doesn’t know what to expect or how to interpret this new sensation. It can take multiple experiences before a person can really sink into a new erotic activity because they need to build erotic muscle memory.

Spank Me Happy

So, why do we love spanking so much?! It’s that irresistible elixir of a well stimulated pudendal nerve, a chemically activated brain, and our own uniqueness as individuals, all mixing together for an embodied, erotic practice. I hope this deep dive into spanking anatomy has helped you understand more about why you love spanking and has validated your experiences with it. Happy Spanking!

Robin Jennings (aka Mistress Mary) is a seasoned Pleasure Educator and co-host of the Fuck Yeah podcast. She’s a feminist, artist, and former Pro-Domme with a penchant for sexual liberation and free form gender expression. You can find her on IG and Tiktok @fuckyeahpod.