THIS ENTRY WAS POSTED ON August 27, 2015 BY sex educator Lucas.
The staff at The Pleasure Chest answer thousands of questions about sex and sex toys on a daily basis. But the most frequently asked question may surprise you. No, it’s not about giving the best blow job. It’s not about finding the g-spot. It is, in fact…
“How do I turn this off?”
Don’t panic, though! I assure you, we are all especially skilled in the art of turning off a vibrator, and we are are here to properly equip you for any visit you make have to our store, should you turn something on, panic, and not be able to turn it off.
First of all, how many buttons does it have?
A) 1
- Push it.
- Push it again.
- Still going? You should probably hold it down for a few seconds. Good? Good.
B) 2
- Do the buttons have a + or - symbol on them? If so, hold the - button for a few seconds.
- If not, just hold one of them done. That should probably work. If not, ask the nearest Sex Specialist.
C) 3
- Do the buttons have a + or - symbol on them? If so, again…hold the - button for a few seconds.
- No luck? It’s the other one. I can almost guarantee it. It probably has a squiggly line or a shameless brand logo on it.
D) 4
- We must be getting into Lelo territory. Again, that - button is your best friend.
E) None
- Okay then…what does it have instead?
1) A twisty thing
- Twist it. Counterclockwise
2) A pull cord.
- We definitely didn’t sell you that, and it’s probably not something you should use on your genitals.
3) None. What gives?
- Sorry to break this to you…but not everything in our store vibrates.
Some folks get their jollies by other methods. If it breaks your heart
that this beautiful piece cannot mechanically tremble within or around
your privates, speak to our staff and we can possibly teach you some
clever ways of rectifying this situation, but that, my friends, is a
different blog post.
Lucas Brooks is a New York-based writer, performance artist, and sex educator. His blog “The Intellectual Homosexual” (formerly “Top to Bottom”) has been named one of the top 100 sex blogs in the world by four different websites and magazines. He has spent the last three years touring the continent with his one-man shows “VGL 5’4″ Top” and “Cootie Catcher”, the former of which was named “Best LGBT Show” in the Orlando Fringe Festival in 2014. As a sex educator, he has presented at Dark Odyssey events and Catalyst Con, and is currently on staff at The Pleasure Chest.
Website: intellectualhomosexual.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/intellectual.h0m0
Twitter: @IntellectHomo
Instagram: intellectualhomosexual
Tumblr: theintellectualhomosexual.tumblr.com