THIS ENTRY WAS POSTED ON July 11, 2011 BY THEPLEASURECHEST.
We know they don’t teach cunnilingus in school, but that’s no excuse! If you want to be a good lover, you need to grow up and go down! Learning to give head can be intimidating, but there’s no need to get tongue-tied. Here are some suggestions for getting started.
Ladybits: Your Road Map
The first step to learning oral sex is to know the lay of the land. If you’re a person with a penis, it’s important to remember that all of the parts on a vulva are analogous to your own. If you know what feels good on your body, you’ll have a good idea of what she’s feeling.
Outer Labia- The outer lips of the vagina. On male bodies, these are the counterpart to the skin on the scrotum. For this reason, you want to be careful about applying too much suction, unless your partner likes it. Kissing, licking and small nibbles are all good.
Inner Labia- The inner lips are the counterpart to the shaft of the penis, and have greater sensitivity than the outer lips.
Clitoris- The clitoris has more nerve endings than any part of the body, and those nerve endings run up into the vagina. It’s analogous to the glans/head of the penis. For this reason, it’s the most sensitive to direct stimulation. Not simply a tiny penis, the clitoris is actually wishbone-shaped. It has “legs” on both sides. The clitoris is so powerful that we like to think of it as a mafia boss. You can’t go straight to the boss. You gotta start small and establish some cred before making an introduction.
Clitoral Hood- The hood protects the clitoris. It’s the counterpart to the foreskin on the penis. Some folks prefer focus on their hood, as the clit can be too sensitive.
Urethra- This is analogous to the meatus (or pisshole) on a penis. Most folks don’t want you to mess with this when you’re going down, but some may like it and others may even enjoy urethral sounding!
G-Spot- Like a man’s prostate, the G-Spot loves to be stimulated. G-Spot stimulation can be combined with oral sex, for explosive orgasms.
Tips, Tricks ‘n Licks
Warm her up.
Sometimes, great foreplay requires a little foreplay of its own. We know you want to dive in and start licking, but in most cases, that’s not going to work. Start instead by stroking and kissing her whole body. For shorter sessions, start at her bellybutton and kiss down to her inner thighs, letting her feel your warm breath on her vulva. You might also want to try mutal masturbation or female genital massage. Wherever the mood takes you, have fun, and wait until she’s visibly aroused before moving on to the main event.
First kisses.
When she’s ready, you can move in for your first kiss. Start with gentle, wet kisses on her labia. Don’t focus on one spot, instead getting everything warm and wet. Don’t go for her clit unless she asks. You can use your lips to “nibble” her lips. You should be able to tell from her response if she’s ready to move to the next step. If she’s not getting wet, you may also want to use some lube to help her along.
Some women like direct stimulation while others want indirect stimulation. In general, you should vary your licks and kisses until you find something she’s really responding to. Most folks do not like a pointy hard tongue on the clit. Try flattening your tongue and using broad strokes. Don’t bite the clit. Don’t ignore the rest of the vulva. And don’t blow into the vaginal hole.
Start Licking!
At this point, you can start licking. You can also start to focus your energies on the clitoris. Start by licking and kissing around the clit first, and if she responds with encouragement, you can move ahead to more direct stimulation. Remember that there is no “correct” way to use your tongue, but generally it’s best to use broad strokes on the sensitive bits, and use the tip of your tongue elsewhere.
Variety.
Once she’s started to enjoy your mouth, you can try varying your strokes and kisses and licks. Try making circles around her clitoris with your tongue. You may want to try licking along the “legs” of the clitoris, and work your way to the center. These correspond to the shaft on a man’s penis.
Wrap your lips around her clit and create suction. With her clit in your mouth, you can use your tongue like a finger to deliver firm strokes.
Some women will also enjoy being penetrated with your tongue. If she quivers, that’s a sign that she’s too sensitive, and you need to back off. If she pulls you in, or moves her body closer to your mouth, that’s a good sign she wants more. If she adjusts her hips, she might just be finding the best position for her, and doesn’t want you to follow. When in doubt, ask! As she builds closer to orgasm, you’ll want to maintain the rhythm of your licks, and maintain your focus on the spot that is getting her there.
Patience.
Don’t be too goal-oriented. Orgasms can take time. In some cases, it’s not even the goal. So focus instead on enjoying the privilege of giving her this most intimate pleasure.
Dos & Don’t’s
Do change the strength and intensity of your strokes to vary her sensations!
Don’t change them when she’s close to coming!
Do show enthusiasm and give positive reinforcement after!
Don’t get so lost in your own enjoyment that you miss her cues.
Do use your hands and whole face when pleasuring her.
Don’t come to bed with jagged fingernails or beard stubble.
Do keep licking as she’s coming.
Don’t stop until she pushes you away or signals that she’s had enough.
Do use the heat of your breath to excite her.
Don’t blow into her vagina.
Positions
When you’re comfortable with using your tongue, experiment with finding the right position for an oral sex session. Here are some of the most common:
On your knees. Have your partner sit in a chair or edge of the bed and kneel on the floor before her. Use a pillow so your knees don’t get sore. This is a comfortable position for her, and it gives you the most freedom to use your hands.
On her back. Lie on your belly or kneeling on the bed, and let your partner lie on her back, either with her legs spread or wrapped around your back. This is a very comfortable position for your partner and gives you access to everything. You might want to try using a Liberator wedge to you access while making her comfortable.
Facesitting. Let your partner “sit” or kneel over your face. This is a great position for when your partner likes to be fucked with your tongue. Use a pillow to support your neck. If your partner is facing forward, she can hang on to the headboard for support. This position will also allow you to make eye contact. With your partner facing the other way, she can stimulate you manually, engage in 69 or simply drape her body over yours. Hot!
Doggie style. Have your partner kneel facing away from you and lick her from behind. Doggie style gives you great access, especially for anal play or vaginal penetration.
Sideways. Your partner can lie on her side, allowing you to rest your head on her thigh. This is a great position for pregnant women.
Fingers & Toys, Oh My!
You can start out with a lubed hand massaging the labia to help “wake up” the area. To understand the sensitivity of different areas, remember that the labia is similar to the shaft of a man’s penis and the clit is similar to the head of a penis. The labia responds to firm pressure, sucking, and light biting. You can also use the labia to massage the clit by gently pressing the lips together and kneading the clit between your fingers. Putting firm pressure on the mons pubis (the mound) and incorporating circular motions will also help to awake the nerves.
Most women enjoy manual stimulation or penetration while receiving oral sex. Your fingers are your best tools. Start by holding onto her waist or squeezing her ass. When your partner is wet, you can bring your hands into play. Slowly insert one or two fingers into her vagina, while keeping your mouth busy. Some women just like to feel something inside of them during oral sex, while others will respond to thrusting. Start with a wet or lubed finger at the opening. If she responds well, insert two fingers and curl up towards her belly button, where the G-Spot lives. A firm “come hither” motion (or milking the G-Spot) is a good way to access that tissue and excite those nerves.
You may also want to incorporate toys into your oral play. A small vibrator or dildo can help push your partner over the top from pleasure to ecstasy. It’s probably best not to pick a toy that’s too big. The goal here is to enhance the sensations you’re already creating with your mouth. And you don’t want a ginormous dildo blocking your mouth’s access.
Mood Frisky
Since you’re already focusing on her clit, you may want to focus on her other pleasure center, with a G-Spot toy, like the Mood Frisky.
Safer Sex
Cunnilingus carries the risk of STI infection. For this reason, some people will only have unprotected oral sex with a fluid-bonded partner. If you want to play as safely as possible, we recommend using a barrier during oral sex. The easiest method is to use a latex sheet known as a Dental Dam. Alternately you can use a piece of Saran Wrap. If doing so, make sure you don’t use microwave-safe varieties. Whether using a dam or Saran Wrap, you’ll unfortunately miss the taste of your partner, but she’ll still be able to feel the heat from your mouth. A drop of lube can be applied on the inside of the latex or plastic to enhance sensation and help encourage your partner’s natural lubrication to begin.
Get Schooled
It’s impossible to cover oral sex in just a few hundred words. In fact, entire books have been devoted to the subject. To become a truly cunning linguist, consider doing some advanced study.
Violet Blue’s The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus is an excellent practical manual for overcoming insecurities, developing your technique and playing safely.
Finally, we can’t say this enough: The best way to get better at going down is through practice. Your partner is your best teacher! No two partners are alike, and what may have worked for one person may not get another off. The more you explore cunnilingus with your partner, and the more you use your mouth to communicate outside of the bedroom, the better you’ll get!