THIS ENTRY WAS POSTED ON September 19, 2014 BY Disappointingly Realistic Erotica was co-written with Sarah Sloane.
Pushing aside a stray lock of hair, I leaned in to murmur in my
girlfriend's ear. "Do you like this, my naughty girl? Do you like to
watch?"
Turning toward me, so that our lips almost touched, she replied, "I really don't. This is, like, the male gaze-iest."
"Thank god!" I laughed, "I hate it too!"
"Why are their nails so long?"
"Dude, why is anything about this?"
"I can't even with straight porn," my girlfriend sighed, reaching for the remote.
***
“Bend over, baby, I’m going to pound your ass hard!”
“Can we not do that position? Today was leg day at the gym.”
“Uh…ok, then on your back!”
“Well, I get gassy when you fuck me like that”
“Okay… then suck it hard!”
“I had burritos for dinner and my acid reflux is acting up”
“Hand job?”
***
It was a quiet night at The Girl Cave, and the dance floor was empty. Priscilla leaned against the wall nursing a cold beer, letting the condensation from the bottle collect and drip between her fingers, its wetness reminding her distantly of passionate nights spent with her last love.
"Don't think about her," Priscilla reminded herself.
She caught the eye of a cute butch across the room.
"Why not?" thought Priscilla. "I'll let her buy me a drink, she'll ask me to dance, I'll let her take me home, and I'll forget all about that heartbreaker."
Across the room, the cute butch was thinking exactly the same thing.
The dance floor stayed empty. For hours, every lesbian in the bar leaned against the wall, nursing a drink and sneaking furtive glances at each other. No one went home with anyone.
The Girl Cave closed down a month later.
***
"So, it's my first time..." I looked down, suddenly shy now that I'd said it out loud.
"That's okay, man, I'll take care of you. So you're a bottom?"
"Oh yeah, I've been fantasizing about getting fucked for years"
By way of reply, the handsome stranger reached into his jeans and pulled out the most enormous cock I could possibly have imagined. I gaped at it, thinking quickly.
"Well, maybe I'm really a top..."
***
I couldn't look away. Before me, two lithe bodies pressed together, limbs entangled, teeth biting lips.
"God, I hate Jenny."
"Eh, I hate her less this season. It's her best haircut."
"I'm so happy she dies," my girlfriend sighed, reaching for the box of Franzia.
***