Masturbation May: No Shame in The Game!

'

Can we get a YAY for Masturbation May?

International Masturbation Day (May 7th) has evolved into Masturbation May, an annual month-long event created to educate, protect and celebrate the right to masturbate. Masturbation can be an everyday activity and a natural, safe way to explore your body (or someone else's), feel pleasure, and release built-up sexual tension. It can also help in stress relief, ease painful mensural cramps (a blessing!), prevent prostate cancer and ease pregnancy.

Masturbation May also makes the perfect month to be more intentional about your pleasure and is an excellent opportunity to make time for yourself, increase your self-care practice, prioritize your sexual pleasure and get more well-acquainted with your body. Masturbation allows us to explore areas of ourselves that are many times neglected. You can discover your sexuality, learn what works for you, what you desire, and all without risks like pregnancy or STI's.

To your health!

Despite all these positive benefits, masturbation still has a long history of stigma, shame, and misconceptions. Some people feel guilty about masturbating because of cultural, spiritual, or religious beliefs. People who are given negative messages about masturbation when they are young often carry these feelings of shame into adulthood.

The Shame Wizard in the TV show Big Mouth is the mortal enemy of the Hormone Monster who inflames childrens' deepest shame. Sound familiar?

Guilt and shame due to poor sex ed curriculums and forced acceptance of abstinence in early adolescence is a major reason why many still feel ambivalent towards self-pleasure. Our young minds are in the process of developing and already freaking out about puberty while navigating life (you remember middle school), and having to second guess our minds and hormones has made many of us fearful. Abstaining from sex was always taught to avoid pregnancy and many times to reinforce religious beliefs on 'pre-marital' sex.

Despite the stigma around sex and masturbation, no one can keep yourself from yourself. Masturbation doesn't get you pregnant, and who (dear reader), wants to be like a lady of Bridgerton lost on what's to come on their wedding night? Also, f you don't know your body and you're not comfortable, how can your partner be?

No shame in this game!

Everybody can masturbate (or choose not to – no judgment). The truth is, people of all backgrounds, religions, ages, genders, and races masturbate. ALL bodies deserve pleasure!

Ok, so where do you start?

Give Yourself a Hand! (Solo Play)

When it comes to masturbation, I think solo play is the best way to go. Privacy gives you the chance to be unabashed, uninhibited, and honest about your orgasm. Learning about what feels good to your body helps you communicate with and increase sexual pleasure with your partner(s). When you know what you're comfortable with, your desire for sex also increases!

When engaging in solo play, it’s best to start with honesty.

Research! What do you like? What do you want? If you had to seduce yourself, how would it go? How do you want to be tempted? Think of this as a date where you know you'll be getting some bomb-ass play afterwards and treat yourself! Run a bath, put on a playlist, get your lusty toys ready, and explore the many areas of your body that are responsive and the types of touch that get you there.

Here are some goodies I love for those solo self-care moments, many of which are also in our Sexy Self-Care Collection and Mindful Masturbation Collections:

Svakom Alex Neo Stroker	Foria Awaken CBD lube (in stores only)	Womaninzer Premium eco

Partnered Pleasure

Many believe that others only masturbate when they do not have a sexual partner. The truth is, people who have regular sex partners are more likely to masturbate than people without sex partners! Couples also engage in mutual masturbation to explore different desires, initiate foreplay, and observe how they bring themselves pleasure. Toy developers have even caught up with technology and society to create app-enabled sex toys, some of which can even be controlled by someone else from anywhere in the world! All bodies are different, and knowing what feels good for you is an integral part of communicating your likes or dislikes to a partner.

Here are a few of the most popular couples' toys that can be used for both solo and mutual masturbation:

Fun Factory Be.One	We-Vibe Chorus	Hot Octopuss Duo Lux Stroker

Keep It Clean

Vibrators, restraints, and toys increase the intensity during solo play or sex with someone else. Think of them as an exciting addition to your sex life. If you use a sex toy, it's essential to clean them with soap and water and cover them with a barrier when using them with a partner. Be sure to keep those pesky bacteria away by knowing your toy material and the best way to ensure its safety and longevity:

Non-porous sex toys (silicone, metal, and glass) are easier to clean because there are no microscopic pores to be contaminated with microbes, lube, and other particles over time. For these types, mild soap and warm water is fine for cleaning, but you can go the distance and boil them for three to five minutes to ensure they’re fully sanitized (as is highly recommended with anal toys or toys shared between multiple partners). The one exception to this rule is if the toy has batteries or a motor (water and electricity is a no!) – use a wash cloth and take proper care.

A porous sex toy (cyberskin, jelly, or elastomer) can harbor bacteria, so with cleaning (mild soap and water or a toy cleaner) it’s especially important that you give them time to dry - in a clean toy bag or box, kept away from other porous toys.

Why not spice up your routine with some back door solo play?

Back Door Play

Many often feel aversion when it comes to anal play. Suppose you think guilt and shame are rampant when it comes to masturbation. In that case, anal makes just about everyone squeamish even though everyone has a butt! Those of us hip to anal exploration, regardless of sexual orientation, know that a suitable anal toy can bring your pleasure to new heights.

Anal play requires more preparation, though, and some materials are essential for this. Since your back door is meant for things to exit (and we know what that is), a good ass clean out with an enema bulb prior to play makes things less messy and awkward.

The anus also doesn’t lubricate naturally like a vagina, so resistance is normal and why lube is a staple that lets you ease on down. Back door play offers unique sensations from a new territory that takes time, patience, control, education, and lube— lots and lots of it!

Here’s a good selection of toys recommended for back door play:

b-Vibe Anal Massage and Education Set	T-Handle Glass Anal Plug	Petite Sensations Anal Beads

Beyond Pleasure: Masturbation and Prostate Health

Evidence over the years has shown a beneficial link between ejaculation and lower chances of prostate cancer. In 2016, a study of 30,000 men over the course of 18 years found that the risk of prostate cancer decreased by roughly 20 percent in the men who reached ejaculation at least 20 times per month. An earlier study also discovered a similar link between lower prostate cancer risk and frequent ejaculation. Not to mention, prostate play can be extremely pleasurable and offer intense anal orgasms!

Here are some top toys for prostate (p-spot) play and health:

We-Vibe Vector	Njoy Pure Plug 2.0	Lelo Loki Wave

Masturbation and Pregnancy

Hormone changes during pregnancy often cause heightened sexual desire, giving folks a new opportunity to shake up their masturbation routine. Self-pleasure is a safe way to release sexual tension during pregnancy and help ease pregnancy symptoms, such as lower back pain. You may feel mild, irregular cramping during and after orgasm, which is why some Doulas suggest a vibrator in the birthing room too. This is because intense orgasms can increase your chances of going into labor (a great orgasm can make that womb contract), but also why masturbation may not be safe for women with high-risk pregnancies. Ask your doctor!

Here are some toys recommended for pleasure during pregnancy:

Vibrating Pussy Pump	Femme Funn Ultra Bullet	Lora DiCarlo Carezza

Stigma! (Guilt, Injury, and Complications)

Despite the myths, lies, and folklore, there are no physically harmful side effects of masturbation. Masturbation is neither wrong nor immoral, but there are still messages being spread that self-pleasure is "dirty" and "shameful." The act of masturbation causes no harm physically or mentally, even if you engage for years.

However, excessive masturbation can harm your relationships, your self-esteem, and everyday life. Negative feelings about masturbation can also threaten your self-worth, health, confidence, and well-being. If you experience guilt over masturbating, speak with someone you trust about why you think this way and how you can move past the negative thoughts. Therapists who specialize in sexual health may be good resources, sex educators, and even some sex workers who focus on overcoming stigma.

Soreness due to over practice in a short window is expected – but this happens after multi rounds with a partner, too, right? Just take it easy and give your nerves a break.

Everyone has the right to only engage in the sexual practices they genuinely want without shame or judgment. There's no right or wrong way to masturbate – just the way(s) that works for you.

Enjoy new experiences!

- Persephone

Professor Persephone is an NYC based Kink and Sex educator, Dancer, Doula and FemDom focused on comprehensive sex education, pleasure activism, decolonizing birth and erotic creative expression.

Keep up with Persephone on Instagram or Patreon