Surprises can be stone cold delightful, like free ice cream or finding a forgotten $20 in your jeans.

But there's one place where surprises can be disastrous: the bedroom.

Total surprises in bed are generally frowned upon, at least when it comes to a new and/or exotic sexual activities. Want butt sex? Negotiate. Want to be tied up or tie someone up? Negotiate. Want to call your partner a filthy manwhore while working his nipples like a stuck zipper in a urinal at Mardi Gras? Yeah, definitely negotiate. See a pattern here? Negotiate every sex act with your partner(s) before exploring your sexual fantasies with them. 

Setting Body Boundaries with Your Sexual Partners

The Yes/No/Maybe List is a tool we use here in the store to help partners get the conversation started as they work out their sexual desires with each other. It's a list of sex acts (to which you can always add your own) and columns reading "Yes", "No" and "Maybe." Yes, are activities you are totally in for. Maybe, suggests certain acts that interest you, but you aren't so sure. No, represents activities that are completely off limits for you. 

Having a sexual inventory checklist for things you find exciting, things you may want to try, and things you definitely will not do helps create boundaries and self-respect, but it is also a great conversation starter and a non physical way to express sexual feelings with a new partner. It also leads to having safer sex, and better sex.

How to Get Started

We suggest each partner take a ynm list and fill it out separately, then get together on a sex date (which incidentally is not actually a date in which you have sex) but one to get together and talk about your sexual interests, what your ideal sex life looks like, and the sex you might want to have without shaming or judging one another.

Go ahead and try it! It's way more fun than, say, negotiating and delegating household chores. Although, we do recommend doing that as well. Better communication in any situation always leads to better sex. A little naughty housekeeper roleplay perhaps? The possibilities are endless. We've also added another list for folks that have not so vanilla interests or want to add kinkier sexual acts to their sexual adventure.  Click below to download!

So grab your bae and get down to business: just remember to be open minded, open hearted, and compassionate about your partner's desires as you express your own desires to them This kind of open communication can put folks in a vulnerable place, so make sure that everyone feels safe, heard, and not judged!