THIS ENTRY WAS POSTED ON October 4, 2022 BY IP.
The Ultimate Guide to Strap-Ons
Before we Strap in, First, a disclaimer:
Here’s the deal: there is no one size, one prescription, one anything fits all when it comes to sex, period. But especially when it comes to strap-on sex, there is no harness and no dildo that fits all. Everyone is different and experiences maximum pleasure differently. And that goes for strap-on to front door/"vaginal," strap-on to back door/anal, strap-on to mouth, double dildo strapped, strap-on to hand, strap-on to foot, strap-on to miscellaneous (insert other body parts here) sex.
However, if you’re looking to enhance your sex life with a guide from someone who has tried the best (and the rest) and has some strap on sex toy recommendations to offer, then this is the guide for you!
Some folks see their strap-ons as an extension of their own bodies, whether that be for gender affirmation (to enhance/sustain your own, factory-built parts, or to create parts you may not have been born with), role play/role reversal, or part of a power dynamic. Other folks see strap-ons as just one of many tools in their sexual arsenal. You do you! There is no right way to wear or have a strap-on.
While we’re on the subject: engaging in strap-on sex, whether you're the Strapper or the Strappee, does not define your sexuality (unless you want it to!). If you're a straight cis-man who has penetrative sex with cis-women and your partner straps on to penetrate you for anal sex, it doesn’t "make you gay." This is 2022 and sexuality is a spectrum, y’all. Our sex acts don’t define our sexuality, we do.
Guide to Strap-Ons: Harness Recommendations
Let’s start with straps.
Straps come in all shapes, sizes, and styles. There are exquisite, fashionable, soft leather harnesses. There are rugged, sustainable, multi-purpose harnesses made from recycled bike tires. There are machine washable, adjustable, nylon jockstrap and underwear styles. There are beginner, inexpensive "I’m not sure if I’ll like strapping up, lemme test the waters," harness as well as "I’m just tryna ball out on a budget," luxury harnesses.
Tantus Vibrating Harness
The very first time I ever strapped up was using the Tantus Vibrating Harness, and I’m grateful for the experience. The harness is very malleable to the body, it’s a soft velvet material, it has an interchangeable O-ring to accommodate a range of dildo sizes and it has a hole for a bullet vibrator to add some stimulation to both the wearer and the receiver.
Tantus Strap-On Kits
Now you can find the Tantus Vibrating Harness in two great kits: the Bend Over Beginner Kit, which includes a small and medium sized dildo, and the Bend Over Intermediate Kit, which includes a medium and large sized dildo. Both kits also include additional O-Rings to ensure stability.
The Tantus Vibrating Harness only fits hips up to 56," so if you’re looking for a basic harness with a larger size range, the Sportsheets Plus Size Beginners Harness is very similar in shape and fits up to 72" hips. It also includes three different sized O-Rings, as well as a panel on the back of the harness that helps with stability and prevents the waist strap from digging into your skin.
NYTC Playtime Explorer Neoprene Harness
If you don’t like the feel of velvet, or want something a bit more rigid, check out the Playtime Explorer Neoprene Harness. It comes with two interchangeable O-rings, as well as a stabilizer to prevent your dildos from sagging (and fits hips up to 60").
Spareparts Joque
If you like the jockstrap style and are able to invest a little more in your strap, I recommend the Spareparts Joque. It’s made of nylon, has wide, adjustable straps, and comes in two different sizes that adjust both at the waist and the thigh for a perfect fit.
What I love about the Joque is the versatility; it’s so adjustable that you can choose if you want to wear it higher or lower on the pubic bone, which comes in handy if you want to use a “strapless” strap-on that has an insertable bulb for the person strapping up.
Harness Compatible Vibrators
It also has a large pocket in the front panel that can hold a pebble vibrator, like the Je Joue Mimi Soft, or even a remote-controlled underwear vibrator, like the We-Vibe Moxie, so the wearer can have the added stimulation of vibration (and the option of giving someone else more control of the vibration, in the case of the Moxie!).
While the Joque doesn’t have the option for interchangeable O-rings, the O-ring built into the harness can stretch from a diameter of 1.25 to 2 inches.
When using larger dildos in the Joque (or any cloth-style harness), I would recommend putting a ziploc bag over your dildo first before sliding it through the o-ring, then removing the ziploc by pulling it off from the front of the dildo before using (this also prevents your dildo from being covered in lint or damaged by the harness itself when inserting it through the ring).
When you’re done using the Joque, you can put it in the laundry bag it comes with, and toss it in the washing machine on delicate/cold, which makes it ideal for sharing with multiple partners. Be sure to line dry—don’t put it in your dryer, as the heat can damage the elasticity of the harness.
If you like the style and shape of the Joque, but are looking for something a bit flashier, a leather harness is a great option. Leather has the added bonus of smelling amazing and will soften and mold to your body over time. Most leather harnesses will adjust both at the waist as well as the thigh, like the Joque, but they’ll have the option of interchangeable O-rings to stabilize different sized dildos.
Aslan Jaguar
The Aslan Jaguar is a cult classic that comes in multiple styles (jockstrap and g-string) and colors (cherry red, steampunk brown and black).
Aslan Minx Double Strap Harness
If you want something even flashier, the Aslan Minx has a corset-style laced back panel, which also provides stability to the person wearing it.
While leather can’t be thrown in the wash (never submerge leather in water!), it can be spot cleaned with a leather cleaner or rubbing alcohol solution, and then conditioned with a leather conditioner. You might find that you enjoy the ritual of cleaning and caring for your leather after a nice strap-on session.
Last but certainly not least! If you’ve looked at all these straps and thought, “these are fun, but I want something that feels like my regular underwear,” you’re in luck. There are a number of underwear-style harnesses that range from trunks and brief styles to sexy thongs with garter clips for stockings. Underwear harnesses also generally have a pocket in the front that are perfect for keeping a packer in place, like the Archer or Pierre Packer from New York Toy Collective.
When sizing for an underwear harness, be sure to take your waist, hip, and thigh measurements as directed by the manufacturer of the harness you’re interested in. I recommend going by your tighter measurements to ensure control over the dildo you’re using, and help prevent sag (you can also use a stabilizer, like the Spareparts Stabilizer, to help with this, too).
Spartparts Tomboi & Tomboii 2
The Spareparts Tomboi and Tomboii underwear harnesses both feature a sturdy waistband, and the Tomboii trunks have two different sized holes for dildos, so you have the option of picking your dildo placement or you can use it for double penetration.
RodeOH Underwear Harnesses
The RodeOH Brief and Boxer styles are great if you like the shape of the Tomboi and Tomboii strap-on harnesses, but prefer cotton over nylon (and want to keep your harness + dildo purchase under $100).
Strap-On-Me Lingerie Harnesses
The Strap-On-Me Rebel Harness is a more femme thong style and includes four attached garter clips. If you’re a fan of lace, the Strap-On-Me Diva Harness features lace panels, a cut-out, and detachable garter clips.
Guide to Strap-Ons: Strap-On Dildo Recommendations
OK, you’ve chosen your perfect harness, now you need a dildo to go in it!
In general, when playing with a partner (remember: some folks enjoy strap-on play solo!), I recommend that the person wearing the strap chooses the style of the dildo sex toys used—phallic/penis-shaped, non-representational; flesh skin tones or colorful—and the person being penetrated chooses the size, texture, and material of the strap-on dildo.
When it comes to both front-door and back-door penetration, be sure not to let your eyes be bigger than your orifices! Your body will react differently to a dildo, no matter the material, than body-to-body contact with a partner, so err on the side of caution when choosing a size for your strap-on sex toys. You can always work your way up to something larger from a small strap-on dildo!
When it comes to material, silicone is a great choice because it’s non-porous, so it won’t hold onto bacteria, and it can be sterilized between uses and shared with multiple partners. Glass and stainless steel are non-porous as well but will be much more firm and rigid in use. Materials like Ultraskyn, TPE, TPR and PVC are all porous materials that will hold onto bacteria and can never be completely cleaned. We recommend using condoms with them to keep the material intact and make them safer for sharing with multiple partners.
(Sidenote: if you plan on using condoms with any of your sex toys, be sure to only use ones that are unlubricated, like the Trojan ENZ, or that are lubricated with a water-based lubricant, like the Kimono Microthin Plus Aqua Lube. Most condoms come pre-lubricated with silicone lubricant, which can break down silicone sex toys. Be sure not to use silicone lubricant with your silicone strap-on sex toys, either!)
Vixen Mistress
I love to recommend the Vixen Mistress for a beginner strap-on dildo.
It walks a line between looking vaguely like a penis without
being too realistic, and is 1.25 inches
in diameter, so it will fit in most harnesses without the need for purchasing
an additional O-ring. This strap-on dildo comes in two color options, including one with a hole
in the bottom for a bullet vibrator.
Pegasus 6" P-Spot and G-Spot Pegging Dildo with Harness
If you like the idea of vibration within your strap-on dildo, the rechargeable Pegasus P/G Spot 6” Dildo with Harness is a great option. The dildo is non-phallic but has a bulbous head for extra stimulation to the G-Spot or prostate, and it comes with a remote so you can control the vibration while in use! The included harness even has a pocket to hold the remote when not in use, and it comes with multiple O-rings to use for other dildos. All for just $99.95!
Neo Elite 7.5" Dildo
If you’re looking for something still on the slimmer side, still a more realistic dildo (though in bright, fun color options!) and at a lower price point, the Neo Elite 7.5 inch insertable length dildo has a tapered shaft, and is about 1.5 inches in diameter. It also has a sturdy suction cup if you want to use it without a harness and place it on the floor/wall/bathtub!
Fun Factory Limba Flex M
The Limba Flex M from Fun Factory is perfect if you’re looking for something smooth and non-phallic, and features a poseable, bendable core that actually holds its shape while in use, so you can customize it to your pressure preferences.
VixSkin Mustang
If you’re in the market for a dildo that looks ultra-realistic, the VixSkin Mustang is a great choice. Handmade and dual density (meaning that there are two layers of silicone; a squishy outside, and a firm core), the Mustang is what I consider the Goldilocks of the VixSkin suite: not too short, not too long, not too big, not too small—just right.
VixSkin Buck & Goodfella
If you like something girthier, the VixSkin Buck is a bit thicker. The VixSkin line also includes dildos with balls. If you like the size and shape of the Mustang, but wish it had balls, the Goodfella is for you!
Colours Pleasures Vibrating Dildos
If you want both vibration and a realistic look, the Colours Pleasures are a great option. The 5” insertable length option comes in several colors, and has balls, so be sure to back the suction cup through your O-ring so the balls hang out the front (I don’t usually recommend dildos with soft suction cups to use in harnesses, but as long as you have a secure O-ring, this one should be OK!). The 7" version has a firm suction cup base and a more tapered head.
Icicles Curved Glass Dildo
If you like the idea of a more firm dildo, glass might be for you! The Icicles Curved Glass Wand G-Spot Dildo No. 87 with Suction Base has a great curve to it for G-Spot or prostate stimulation. It can be harnessed with or without the sturdy, removable suction cup base that it comes with.
Guide to Strap Ons: Lube Recommendations
Last but not least, lube!
Lubricant is very important when it comes to playing with sex toys of any kind, but especially when you’re thrusting with strap-on dildos. A quality lubricant will help reduce friction, reduce the possibility of tears, and let you play longer.
If you’re playing with silicone (non-porous material) or Ultraskyn, TPE, TPR, or PVC (all porous materials) toys, it’s important to use a water-based lubricant, as silicone or oil will degrade your toy and cause it to break down over time. If you plan on using a hybrid lubricant (part water, part silicone) with your toy, be sure to spot test it on a small, non-insertable part of the toy first to make sure that it won’t damage it.
Sliquid Sassy & Satin
Sliquid Sassy and Satin are both great water based lubricants that have minimal ingredients and no unnecessary additives. Satin has a “natural” feel to it as well as added aloe that keeps it soft. Sassy is a bit on the thicker side, so it provides a bit of a cushion and lasts a little longer.
Sutil Rich
My favorite for any sort of back-door/anal play is Sutil Rich, which is super thick and has horny goat weed, a plant that helps increase blood flow.
Good luck on your Strap-On Adventures! Check out more of our offerings here.