Spank Someone Happy!

Spanking has been popular with a huge range of folks, from the kinkiest & most experienced BDSM players to “vanilla” couples who are looking to spice things up in the bedroom. Spanking can be hot, playful, intense, cathartic, fun, bonding, and can even make you more orgasmic! All your need to get started is your body and a consenting partner…

WHY ARE PEOPLE INTO THIS?

It feels good!
Certain parts of the ass share nerve groups with genitals - stimulation of these nerve groups in the ass “echoes” in the genitals. Spanking also releases delicious chemicals in your brain. As you begin with some gentle, loving warm up touches, the skin to skin contact releases oxytocin. As you build up to the harder hits, endorphins and adrenaline are released, combining to create an incredible natural high!

Hot foreplay!
Having sexy time that is not just focused on genitals or penetration will wake up your whole body, make you more tuned in to all sensations, and build you up eventually to a more fulfilling orgasm & better sex. Starting with spanking can help take the pressure off of orgasm as a goal, because so much conscious attention is being given to all the senses and other parts of the body! (Spanking doesn’t even have to always lead to sex, it can just exist on its own as a pleasurable exchange of sensation.)

Power dynamics are sexy!
The biggest, most important sex organ is your MIND! Playing with power dynamics different from your experience in day to day life can be a huge turn on.
As a bottom/sub: You get the rare experience of total surrender, in a safe space. For folks who get in their heads during sex, being spanked is an amazing way to let go and be present in your body.
As a Top/Dom: You get the experience of having total control in a safe space & in ways you cannot have in real life. You get to be the conductor of your lover’s sensations and experiences, and offer them the gift of total surrender.
Bonus: You don’t have to stick to just one role – switch it up and see how you like it!

New experiences make you feel closer to your partner!
Spicing things ups not only is a great way to discover what turns you on - new experiences actually flood your brain with dopamine, and doing this with a partner creates bonding on a chemical level. Spanking and other kinky activities require an extra level of trust between partners.

It can be cathartic, empowering and healing!
Spanking often goes hand in hand with roleplay, allowing for psychological exploration on top of sensation exploration. It can be extremely cathartic to have a safe space in which to play the role of someone we are not usually allowed to be (submissive, brat, helpless, defiant, slut, dominant, villain, disciplinarian, controlling, teasing, cruel, etc.). Spanking & role play can even be a way folks who’ve survived trauma to regain ownership and power of their body and their sexuality.

HOW DO I BRING THIS UP WITH MY PARTNER?

Okay, so you want to get your spank on, but you’re not sure how to ask your partner.
Here are some great ways to ease into the subject:
- I read an article about…
- I attended a workshop about… (we offer them for FREE at all our locations!)
- I’d love to try something new with you…
- I have a friend who told me about…
- I saw a really hot scene in a movie/porn…
- I read a really hot scene in a book/story…
- I had a really hot dream about…

PRO TIP: Spanking is, for many folks, a gateway into exploring more kinky sex. If you want to get into roleplay, bondage, dominance/submission, or hitting with more intense implements, spanking is a great first activity to suggest!

WARM UP:

Don’t start right in with the hard hits! Set the mood and relax your partner, establish connection with skin to skin contact. Begin with sensual loving touches, massage your partner, use a feather tickler, wake up and engage the whole body. Pleasurable stimulation of all kinds (including gentle touches on the ass and genitals) are a great way to get all parties excited for what’s about to go down. If you’re doing a roleplay, this is a great time to set the scene and be in character.

SAFETY ANATOMY – WHERE CAN I HIT?

When you get kinky with someone you want to make sure you’re practicing SSC (Safe Sane & Consensual) or RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). Make sure you negotiate beforehand with your lover to get the following clear: who can hit who, where on the body it will happen, any existing injuries, medical conditions or emotional triggers to avoid. Even when you are purposefully stimulating your partner with pain, you want it to hurt them but not harm them (long-term serious injury). Be sure to also negotiate if and where you can leave markings (bruises).

Safe Places to Hit = the fleshy bits that are away from organs and bones!Ass (recommended for beginners)

Thighs (recommended for beginners, more painful than the ass)
Upper Back
Chest/Breasts
Back of Legs
Biceps
Palms of Hands
Soles of Feet
Face (cheeks only)
Genitals (go easy)

Never Ever Ever Hit = organs and bones!
Lower Back/Kidneys
Spine
Skull
Knees
Where Joints Bend

BASIC TECHNIQUE:

Switch It Up:

Make sure you are not hitting the same spot over and over again, or favoring one side. This feels more irritating than sexy for most bottoms. Encourage your bottom to speak up about other places that might want attention, especially when you’re first learning their body.

The Sweet Spot:

The Sweet Spot to hit is the lower inner part of buttocks. When you hit here, you are impacting the shared nerve endings that connect with the genitals, delivering some serious pleasure with your pain. This is also the part that takes the most weight when you sit down later, so you can ensure your bottom will have a sexy physical reminder.

Positions:

First figure out what part of the body you want to spank and make sure you have access to it. Consider what is comfortable and sustainable for both the giver and receiver.

- Over the knee is where the top sits and has the bottom on their lap. OTK is a classic spanking position for a reason! It allows for physical intimacy (lots of body touching body) and easy access to the ass, thighs, genitals and face. This is a great position for beginners, and is most comfortable on a couch.
- Bottom bending over a bed, chair, table, sex wedge, etc.
- Bottom leaning against a wall, couch, etc.
- Bottom bends over and grabs their ankles or knees
- Bottom on hands and knees (on the floor, on a bed, etc.)
- Bottom laying flat on a bed

Ways to Hit:

- Flat hand (stingy for all partners)
- Cupped hand (less hard on the giver, makes a nice resonant sound)
- Soft touches with the fingertips
- Fingernails
- Massage/squish the flesh
- French Flip (use both sides of the hand, flipping back and forth)
- Silk or Leather Gloves (sensual texture, less stingy)

Get Into It:
- Pain & Pleasure Cocktail: alternate stingy hits with soft fingertips on the tender flesh, add in a caress of the genitals and/or a kiss on the mouth every now and then
- Dress Up: fully embody your role & give your partner some visual stimulation by wearing something that makes you feel dominant/submissive and sexy af!
- Dirty Talk: a hot addition to the spanking experience, tell your bottom “You’ve been very naughty and now I’m going to punish you” or “I know you like being spanked, I can feel you getting [wet/hard/etc.] right now”
- Hair Pulling: grab a large amount of hair close to the skull and show your bottom who’s in control (don’t yank their skull and don’t pull their hair out!)
- Face Slapping: if you’ve gotten permission in advance, give your bottom a little slap on the face (cheek) to put them in their place
- Blindfold: if you’re nervous about looking cool while giving a spanking, just blindfold your bottom à taking away their sense of sight will make them focus more intensely on every sound and touch
- Butt Plugs: insert your bottom’s favorite plug for some serious extra pleasure

AFTERCARE:

Aftercare is just what it sounds like – physical and emotional acts of care and comfort that follow a spanking (or any other kinky activities). Both tops and bottoms need aftercare! Hitting someone/getting hit can be surprisingly physically and emotionally draining. This is something that should be negotiated beforehand - but be flexible because you or your partner might have needs that change based on what just went down.

Physical
If bottoms have any markings/bruising, attend to those first. A warm washcloth is very nice, following by an arnica salve (helps soothes and heal bruises). Some people may also want an ice pack or frozen peas on their bruises to help reduce swelling. Tops might have sore arms/shoulders that need a massage.
Make sure everyone drinks some water or tea or Gatorade, and get a nice snack (nuts, chocolate, fruit, etc.).

Emotional 

Everyone reacts differently – you might not react in the way that you expected. It’s ok to laugh, cry, be mad, be quiet, need space or need lots of TLC after a spanking scene. Cuddling is very popular aftercare, because it re-grounds both partners into an obviously loving & caring dynamic with each other. It also releases more of that sweet, sweet oxytocin.

Follow Up

It’s good form to follow up with your partner a few more time after your initial aftercare. Check on your partner again the next day, and a couple days later. Sometimes feelings come up for folks after a little time has passed. Check in, listen and see what your lover needs.

Now go forth and SPANK!!!