Bondage For Beginners Guide | The Pleasure Chest

If you have ever fantasized about bondage, you’re not alone.

Bondage (the state or practice of being tied up or restrained) is a popular activity in which all types of people engage. Adding physical (or verbal) restraints to a scene (a BDSM encounter with one or more people) can reinforce a power dynamic, which can be arousing to some. Others are attracted to the heightened vulnerability that comes from bondage. This practice can also help build trust in a relationship, as one should ideally have complete faith in the other before being bound. Many partners have reported an increased sense of closeness with one another after engaging in bondage or any BDSM activity.

For those interested in being the rigger (the one who ties their partner up, a.k.a. the top in a bondage scene), it can be sexy to see your partner writhe in pleasure with nothing restricting you from torturing them or bringing them to orgasm over and over. For those interested in being a rope bottom/rope bunny (the one being restrained), it can be exciting to be completely defenseless and vulnerable to your partner’s will.

There are many reasons why people are so interested in bondage, with many of them not being inherently sexual. Some of these reasons include the following:

• Meditation
• Pacification
• Art
• Trance
• For fun
• Sensation
• Trust
• Intimacy

Many people find peace in being forced into a passive state during a bondage scene. It’s possible to enter a trance or meditative state during this time. In shibari (Japanese-style bondage), this state is often actively pursued. You can learn a lot about letting go while being bound in the same position for some time. Personally, I’ve found that simply wearing rope as a body harness can be soothing.

Bondage for Beginners: Methods of Bondage

There are a few different ways that someone can be bound:

• Binding body parts together, such as your legs, hands, hogtie (binding hands and feet together behind your back), etc.
• Spreading body parts, like the legs or arms, apart.
• Being tied to an object, such as a bed or chair.
• Suspension bondage, or suspending the recipient from the ceiling. (The cover of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori features an example of suspension bondage.)
• Hindering or slowing down movement, such as with a hobble skirt.
• Binding for decoration, in an effort to make the bottom a work of art. This can also be achieved with a chest or body harness.
• “Mummification” is advanced bondage that completely immobilizes the bound individual. This is typically achieved with any soft elastic material or plastic wrap, but you can also use bondage tape.
• Bondage for a Purpose. The recipient is bound for a specific purpose and not for the sake of being bound. For instance, one might have their legs forced open, making it easy for their rigger to “assault” them with a vibrator (consensually, of course). Or the purpose could be the opposite; plenty of people engage in chastity bondage.

Bondage for Beginners: Types of Bondage

There are multiple bondage categories due to the practice’s many different purposes. Some of these types of bondage include:

Shibari: One of the oldest bondage styles, Shibari originated in feudal Japan and transformed over time from a method of restraining captives into the erotic bondage now known as Shibari or Kinbaku. (Miumi-U Teaches Japanese Shibari is a great source for learning a variety of skills.)

Decorative Bondage: Someone is bound for decorative purposes. There are many ways that this can be done, and it doesn’t necessarily have to include restricting movement. Many harnesses are designed to be adornments. One might wear one for fashion, for an erotic photoshoot, for a sex party, etc. Some use decorative bondage as lingerie. Decorative bondage can be achieved with rope, but one can purchase body harnesses made of chains, leather, and other materials. Shibari could be considered a decorative style of bondage.

Film Bondage: Bondage that is used in a film scene. Purely for aesthetic purposes. The recipient is lightly bound, making escape very easy. No force is included in this type of bondage because the one “bound” is acting for a role. (Fifty Shades of Grey is a good example of this.)

Predicament Bondage: Someone is restrained with the possibility of shifting between one of two uncomfortable positions. Said person is stuck going between the two positions for some time.

Torture Bondage: The restrained person is put in an uncomfortable or painful position. This type of bondage can be long-lasting. Most forms of bondage can be considered torture bondage if one is intentionally left in a position to the point of discomfort.

Self-Bondage: Bondage one does on themselves. It can be tricky! I don’t recommend that it be attempted alone or without someone on standby, especially if you’re a beginner.

Meditative Bondage: Engaging in bondage to use it as a meditation tool.

Soft Bondage: One party can manually hold the other person down, tie someone to their headboard with a scarf or tie or hold someone’s hands together behind their back or over their head. This type of bondage often happens in the spur of the moment. This can occur when one is dabbling with the idea of bondage or is warming up to something more intense. Or, maybe, there are no bondage tools around, but you’re feeling creative. (Using nylons or a scarf as a blindfold is one example of soft bondage.)

Verbal Bondage: A type of soft bondage. One person is given orders not to move, or they’re given an order that restricts their movements.

Bondage for Beginners: Tools For Binding

There is a plethora of tools that you can find to fulfill even your wildest bondage fantasies. I’ve compiled a beginner bondage list here, but feel free to do your own research! The possibilities are endless.

Rope

Bondage rope is great because it’s so versatile. You can use it for practically all the different types of bondage, and it’s easy to store. I have three 30ft rope bundles in my underwear drawer that I can use for anything. Bondage rope comes in varying materials and lengths. Soft cotton rope, nylon rope, hemp rope, and silk rope are among the different types that can be purchased.

I would keep in mind that the rope material will affect the sturdiness of the knots you lay down. Silk ropes have more slip than hemp or cotton. This might be preferable to someone just starting out and doesn’t want to be bound too tightly, but the material might frustrate those who want a sturdy and secure knot.

If you’re just starting out, the Kink Bind & Tie Initiation Kit 5 Piece Hemp Rope is a great beginner bondage kit. It includes two 30-foot bunches of rope, one 50-foot bunch, a pair of safety scissors (important!), and a drawstring pouch to carry it all in. This hemp rope is softer than your typical hemp rope, which is nice if you’re worried about comfort.

Cuffs

There are a few different types of cuffs out there. Handcuffs are popular, but there are also ankle cuffs and cuffs that bind varying body parts together in various positions (hogtie is one of my favorites). Cuffs can be made of metal, leather, silicone, etc. They can bind someone, attach them to another partner, or even to a piece of furniture.

Spreader Bars

An extendable pole with cuffs at either end designed to spread someone out. Many different spreader bars are available, with arm and leg spreader bars being some of the most common. This spreader bar from Sportsheets comes with both ankle and wrist cuffs.

Collars

Collars are good for reinforcing dominant and submissive roles. They can be an excellent addition to any mental bondage play. Collars are made of different materials, such as leather, vegan leather, etc. I personally like the Vondage Thin O Ring Collar because it is leash compatible and cute to wear in and out of a BDSM scene. 

Bondage Tape

Bondage tape is designed to only stick to itself. This means that it’s easy enough to apply and painless to remove. This is less of an issue for those who enjoy pain, yet it remains an important distinction for the rest of us. And I’m sure that even those with a higher pain tolerance would agree that being bound with tape for some time, to have said tape be ripped from your skin, could be a buzzkill and may result in bleeding or injury. 

Binders

Like cuffs, but more hardcore. Arm binders and leg binders bind both of your limbs together entirely. There is very little wiggle room, leaving your sub powerless.

Blindfolds

A great way to turn up the heat in a bondage scene. A blindfold obstructs a sub’s vision, rendering them clueless about what you will do to them next. Taking away one of the senses can increase sensitivity to sensation play. This Patent Leather Blindfold with Fleece is cute and comfy!

BDSM Furniture

These pieces of furniture are designed to rig someone up. One example of this is a stockade, which comes in many forms, but most commonly restrains your head and arms, leaving you unable to see behind you. Crosses are X-shaped pieces of furniture that force a sub to be secured with their limbs spread open. Bondage Benches/Horses are designed to restrain someone in various positions. Bondage Chairs are designed to secure someone in a sitting position. There is pretty much a piece of furniture available for all your bondage desires. However, they don’t generally come cheap. Those who invest in bondage furniture typically have a separate space for BDSM activities.

One can get past a space issue with a piece like the Lux Fetish 6 Piece Inflatable BDSM Sex Sofa Set. The kit includes the curved inflatable sex sofa that can be connected to the set of wrist and ankle cuffs that come with it. There is also an air pump for easy inflation! And a blindfold!

Restraint Sets

If you’re like me and have neither the space nor the money for BDSM furniture, a restraint set is an easy and effective alternative. Restraint sets can turn everyday pieces of furniture into kinky props. Under-the-bed restraint sets come out from under your bed and tie you to your mattress, with your legs and arms spread out to each corner of your bed. 

Gags

A gag is a restraint device that restricts speech. Something usually goes into the mouth and holds someone’s jaws open. Sometimes there is an O-ring or an open gag that leaves a sub’s mouth unobstructed. Other times, it’s a ball gag or something of the sort that is stuffed into a person’s mouth, blocking anything from entering. This Silicone Breathable Gag is an excellent choice for beginners, and it’s easy to keep clean due to the detachable silicone ball! Silicone is a nonporous material, making it very easy to disinfect.

Bondage for Beginners: Safety

Bondage is all fun and games until your sub is tangled in 60 feet of rope, tired and anxious, while you frantically try to set them free. Many bondage and BDSM mishaps can be avoided with clear guidelines and communication. Take heed to the dos and don’ts before engaging in a bondage scene:

Consent is key. Sex and consent go hand in hand. You cannot have any sex without consent. All parties involved should be eager to participate or, at the very least, interested in trying something new. It’s never okay to coerce someone into any sexual activity.

Communication is also key. If you play with bondage, or any BDSM activity with a partner, you need to have clear and open communication at every step. That means before, during, and after a scene. It is essential to discuss any health issues before a scene!

Suppose you or your bondage play partner are dealing with something like asthma or arthritis, or any other health complication that might make certain types of bondage potentially dangerous. In that case, you should take extra care during a scene. This is not to say that people with health challenges or disabilities cannot engage in bondage activities! It only means that everyone must pay close attention to their bodies and possibly adjust particular ties and positions for safety and comfort.

It is also crucial to consider any emotional trauma that might arise during a scene (for both the top and bottom). If your partner seems to be triggered in any way, you should check in with them even if they don’t say the safe word. You don’t have to stop everything if you both don’t want to. You don’t even need to break character! But it is important to be confident that you and your partner’s mental well-being is being taken care of.

Establish a safe word. If your partner utters the safe word, everything must come to a halt. You are to tend to their needs immediately. It’s best to not use the phrase “stop” as your safe word, as that can get confusing if roleplay is involved in your scene.

Never leave a bound person alone. Your bound sub is helpless; if something goes wrong, they would be incapable of assisting themselves. To avoid this, ensure they are easily accessible to you at all times.

Do not tie anything around someone’s neck. The only thing that should go around your neck is a collar or something explicitly designed to do so. Especially if you are a beginner. Some shibari masters can create artful knots and ties that wrap around their bottom’s necks. But you are probably not a shibari master, so I wouldn’t try it.

Make sure your sub can be released from their confines quickly in the case of an emergency. That means keeping a pair of safety scissors on hand for rope bondage. If there’s a lock, ensure the key is always in your possession. A handy trick is to wear it on a string around your wrist. Also, try to have a spare key hidden away in a safe place in case of emergencies.

Take it slow! Try not to bite off more than you can chew. Check in with your partner between steps to confirm they’re alright. Make sure that the restraints are not too tight or too loose. You should be able to slide one or two fingers underneath your ties.

Stretch!! Flexibility is fabulous for bondage, and stretching helps prevent any circulatory issues that might arise from being stuck in one position for some time.

Pay attention to your body! This goes for both the rigger and bottom. If the bottom feels any pain or extreme discomfort, they should notify the top immediately. The top should then release their partner immediately. Pay attention to nerve bundles and places prone to nerve damage, such as the neck and joints (I would do lots of research on this!). When tying ankles and wrists, lay the ties above the joints. For tops, ensure you are not bending over your partner when securing them to avoid straining your back. I would suggest sitting next to your partner on the floor or bed (unless they are standing) and tying them up from that position.

Ensure you’re considering your partner’s emotional and mental well-being. During a scene, it is not uncommon for a bottom (sub) to enter subspace, a state of transcendence that occurs during BDSM play. This space can leave someone extremely vulnerable, so it’s essential to nurture your subs after a scene; for some, cuddles and snacks work. For others, kisses, rubs, and maybe some more sex could work. It’s critical to be in tune with your sub’s needs before participating in a scene. And it’s not only subs that need extra love. Doms, don’t forget to listen to your needs as well. Being the top (dom) of a scene can be extremely draining. Use the time after a session to reassure and coddle one another.

Bondage for Beginners: Resources

All of this only scratches the surface of everything the world of bondage has to offer. There are so many kinds of bondage tools and scenarios; I highly recommend anyone interested in BDSM to do their own digging. Some good books that I’ve read on the subject are Bondage Basics by Lord Morpheous, Shibari You Can Use by Lee Harrington, and The Ultimate Guide to Bondage by Mistress Couple. Hopefully, this post gives those interested in bondage a good place to start!

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Kassandra is a Sex Educator at The Pleasure Chest and a student majoring in Women and Gender Studies at Hunter College. She’s working towards being a mental health counselor and, eventually, a sex and trauma therapist. Right now, she is the supervisor of The Pleasure Chest New York stores, and is having a great time.

You can find her on Instagram here!