THIS ENTRY WAS POSTED ON March 4, 2015 BY Team Pleasure Chest.
We encourage sexual adventure, and we've been delighted to see how many people have felt inspired to try something new after seeing Fifty Shades of Grey. For those of you who can't wait to start tying each other up, just like in the movie, we'd like to offer some alternative options that are much safer and just as much fun.
Fantasy
Go to your local hardware store and buy some zip ties. It's bondage time!
Reality
As much as we love repurposing household items as kinky toys (see:
clothespins as nipple clamps), we recommend that you steer clear of zip
ties, which are easy to tighten and impossible to loosen. If you're
restraining your partner's wrists or ankles, make sure that your
restraints aren't digging into the skin, and that they're not going to
tighten further while you play. (You should be able to slip a couple of
fingers between the restraint and your partner's body.) Too-tight
bondage can cut off your partner's circulation and even cause nerve
damage -- and that's even more likely to happen when the restraint is
thin, like a zip tie. Wrist and ankle cuffs are great because you can set them at a comfortable level of snugness and then play without worry.
Also, we guarantee that the customer service staff at Home
Depot does not want to know what you're going to do with that rope. Save
the broad hints and meaningful winks for your partner. (Or visit an
adult store, where the staff would be happy to speak frankly about what
kind of restraints would best suit your needs.)
Fantasy
Set up slipknots ahead of time to bind your partner's wrists and ankles.
That way, you can restrain your partner quickly and move on to the fun
stuff!
Reality
Slipknots are dangerous for the same reason that zip ties are dangerous.
You can find instructions for basic, safe rope ties easily online or in books like the excellent Two Knotty Boys
instructional guides. Also, safe rope bondage may take a little longer,
but it can definitely be part of the fun! Why not use the time to build
anticipation by telling your partner all about what you'll do to them
once they're tied up and at your mercy? If you're nervous about your
rope skills, a blindfold is your best friend: your partner never has to
see you checking your work against the instructions.
Fantasy
Want to play? Pull out your favorite toy and start smacking your partner with it. They'll love it!
Reality
As you may have noticed, warm-up can mean the difference between enjoying hours of hot dungeon sex and crying in an elevator on your way out of your millionaire ex-boyfriend's apartment. Before you start whacking your partner, physically warm up their skin by increasing blood flow to the areas that you're going to hit. Try massage, and/or try starting out with softer kinds of impact: light spanking, even through underwear, or a gentler toy like a padded heart paddle or a small suede flogger. Working up to harder impact is often what differentiates fun pain from bad pain. If you both want to, this is also good time to help your partner get aroused. Being turned on increases a person's pain threshold, making sensations that might otherwise be unpleasant sexy and enjoyable. When you take your time with warm-up, it lets the receiver's brain start releasing endorphins, and that adds up to lots of erotic, blissful responses!
Fantasy
Have your partner lie on their back, then flog their stomach.
Reality
If you want to flog your partner's stomach (where many of their organs live), use the cutest, softest flogger in the whole world. (The Swoon Kink Flogger is a good option.) There are really relatively few areas on the body that can safely take more than some light surface impact. Here's a great diagram of where it is and isn't safe to smack.
Fantasy
Restrain your partner's wrists so that their arms are pulled straight up above their head.
Reality
There's nothing intrinsically unsafe about this, but there are a few
things to keep in mind. Keeping one's arms above one's head for an
extended period of time will affect circulation, which can lead to
dizziness and even fainting. Make sure that you build in a break or a
change in position if you're playing for a long time. If your partner
has a heart condition or diabetes, this is a particular concern; in that
case, steer clear of this particular position. There are many more to
choose from!
Fantasy
Draw up a contract about how your partner should behave. Get it
notarized. If your partner breaks the contract, prosecute them to the
fullest extent of the law.
Reality
BDSM contracts aren't legally enforceable -- after all, slavery is
illegal -- and trying to strong-arm your partner into doing what you
want makes you a crummy partner. Contracts can be great fantasy fodder,
but when you're deciding what you'd like to try together, there are better ways to negotiate.