THIS ENTRY WAS POSTED ON July 21, 2023 BY J. Carter.
For me, it all started with a haircut.
Sure, I’d had my hair short before–in fact, for periods of my teens and a large chunk of my mid-twenties to around thirty, I rocked pixie cuts–but never specifically for the purposes of gender affirmation. Then the pandemic hit and like a lot of people I just decided to let my hair grow. On a cool and mild Saturday in mid-March of this year, I made an appointment at a local queer salon and asked them to cut off nearly 20 inches of hair knowing that I had a binder, a few packer options, and several pairs of men’s underwear waiting for me at home.
In late 2019 and into early 2020 before the pandemic, I began playing around with a more masc-of-center gender presentation in this hokey-pokey, halfway-in-halfway-out sort of way: I tucked my shoulder length hair up in a baseball cap with a packer jammed down the front of my painted on skinny “girl jeans” without binding. This led to my packer being squished (and thus barely visible) and continually being female-pronouned because I am petite and wasn’t minimizing my chest. In short, it caused more dysphoria than anything else, and so I only made a few attempts in this manner before giving it up.
For a variety of personal reasons, I’d never given full rein to my masculine-presenting fantasy–especially binding–but by early 2023, I’d gotten to the point that I was willing to give it a go. I tried on a NYTC Chest Binder, just to see how it felt. As it turned out, it felt great once I got used to the sensation. Another company I’d contacted had suggested I would be a 2XL but their sizing standards (I’m a 32E with a lot of squish), so I started with a size Large from NYTC. Ultimately, I ended up going with the size Small after trying on the Medium as well.
NYTC Chest Binder / images via newyorktoycollective
After contacting numerous companies and realizing that, unlike bra sizing, there is absolutely zero standardization around binder sizing, I was incredibly grateful to be able to try them on in person, a luxury many non-binary and trans folks simply do not have. Even worse, a lot of small companies have long production times (sometimes up to 8 weeks) and if a package is lost in the mail they either can’t or won’t reimburse you for it; I found this out the hard way.
There is also a serious lack of education around gender affirmation products, even in the queer-friendly sector of the adult retail industry, and it most especially applies to binders. We tend to think–and I certainly did before purchasing and wearing one–of binders as an item of clothing. So, duh, you just put it on and wear it! No instructions, disclaimers, or best practices necessary. Wrong.
Here’s what I learned after purchasing a binder and reading a bunch of blogs for non-binary, transmasc, and gender nonconforming people:
- It is not recommended to bind for more than 8-12 hours per day. I’ve read posts that say 8 hours, others that say 10 hours, and yet others that say 12 hours is the maximum time to wear a binder. In short, there doesn’t seem to be a solid consensus, and I tend to wear my binder for usually 10-12 hours a day without issue.
- Take breaks throughout the day by removing/pulling up your binder. This is not tenable for everyone. I’m the first to admit that I don’t do this. This is, in part, due to the fact that I feel insanely uncomfortable doing this at work. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to pull my binder up and let my boobs just hang out under my t-shirt. No sir. If you have a smaller chest this might feel less uncomfortable for you; that’s a personal choice. The only reasonable version of this for me would be to bring a sports bra to work, change into it for 30-60 minutes and then change back into my binder.
- If you feel chest or back pain, your binder may not be fitting properly or you may have worn it too long. Unfortunately for me, I have back problems that cause especially my upper back to go tingly or numb all together, so I was worried I wouldn’t be able to tell. However, I did purchase a binder that seems to have been tagged with the wrong size and I knew within about 15 minutes of putting it on that something was wrong.
- Your nipples should not be pointing downward, but rather straight forward, when wearing a binder. When you pull a binder down over your chest, it pulls your breasts (and by extension your nipples) downward. If you leave your nipples pointing downward, the compression can actually affect the blood flow to your nipples and cause damage. Luckily, I’d already been doing this before I found out it was “a thing” because I didn’t want my boobs pancaked down my chest over my ribcage and was trying to give more the illusion of pecs than flattened breasticles.
Something to keep in mind about short or mid-length binders is that they are not fitted around the lower hem that sits around your ribcage. There’s a practical reason for this: to keep from constricting the chest cavity and restricting the wearer’s breathing. The irritating part about this is that it significantly limits what you can wear, as the bottom hem will show under any fitted shirt. For me, it’s not a cute look (to me). On the other hand, you can buy a full-length binder and avoid this issue completely. That said, most binders are made of polyester or a polyester blend, meaning that they are a one-way ticket to Sweat City any time the temperature hits 70 degrees or higher. Personally, I don’t fancy wearing a full-length polyester tank binder with another shirt over it during most of the year in Southern California. It’s just not practical for me. However, if you have your heart set on wearing a form-fitting shirt, I’d recommend going with the full-length option.
In speaking with other AFAB gender expansive folks, there seem to be a lot of innocuous assumptions and misconceptions even amongst ourselves regarding binding and packing. Packing is an incredibly personal choice, as is binding. In both cases, it’s important not to make assumptions about how someone does or doesn’t see themselves (or want to be seen by others!) based on these choices. For example, just because someone binds doesn’t mean that they necessarily want top surgery. Then again, they might! The same goes for packing: some folks think that if a person chooses to wear a packer, that must mean they “want a dick” and are interested in bottom surgery. On the flip side, I’ve met and spoken with friends who don’t pack and are potentially interested in bottom surgery.
For me, I wear a packer because it gives me that big dick energy and confidence in my masc presentation. My favorite packer is the Pierre Packer from New York Toy Collective, which incidentally is also the first one I bought. The Archer Packer is my second favorite, also made by NYTC, and my third favorite is the Tantus On The Go Silicone Packer. Since these items are worn close to the body, I prefer silicone since it’s non-porous, body safe, and can be sterilized by boiling which I usually do about once a week with my go-to, as well as daily cleanings.
Some folks prefer a packing strap, a magnetic packing pouch that can be adhered to any pair of underwear, or packing underwear, while others prefer men’s underwear. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. I’ve tried a couple of packing straps and they didn’t work super well with my anatomy and led to chafing. The magnetic pouch is pretty handy if you’re worried about a packer getting squirrelly, moving around, and potentially falling out. Packing underwear usually has more coverage than some cuts of traditional men’s underwear and the fabric is a bit heftier to support the weight of a packer.
The options available in terms of cuts/styles, colors and fabric choices is a bit more fun with underwear brands aimed at a cis male customer base but sometimes the fabric can be a bit flimsy. As the cuts of traditional men’s underwear aren’t cut for an AFAB body, it could cause more dysphoria for some folks. On a personal level, I tend to go for men’s underwear brands with fun options like Andrew Christian. A note about sizing: since most AMAB folks have similar waist and hip measurements, I’ve found that my mid-hip measurement is the best gauge for the waist measurement on sizing charts for most brands I’ve purchased from.
 Pierre Packer |
 Tantus On the Go Silicone Packer |
 Archer Packer |
Transitioning your wardrobe can be tricky and expensive, but there’s also a way to do it on a budget and slowly over time. There are a ton of blogs, videos, and articles on transmasc and nonbinary style with advice on the best cuts, but as they will all tell you that it’s very individual based on your shape, the way you see yourself, and how you ultimately want to be seen. Not every style or cut will work for everyone. (There’s a list of some blog posts and videos I found useful at the end of this post!) Thrift shops and secondhand stores are a great way to pick up pieces at a good price. The only downside is that if you find something good you can’t just buy it in multiple colors or prints. However, if you snag something you love at a secondhand or thrift store, you might be able to find other used ones online on eBay, Poshmark, or Depop. Check also with your local queer organizations to see if any of them have clothing swaps periodically. If they don’t, consider hosting a clothing swap of your own at your home! The big takeaway is not to spend a ton of money while you’re figuring out what cuts work best for your body and experimenting with your personal style.
Luckily, I had a few pairs of joggers that were looser in the front and had more of a dropped crotch, so I didn’t have to run out and try to scrounge something up after my haircut. That said, pants were a bit of a struggle in the beginning, even after reading a ton of different bits of advice and learning that it basically all comes down to cut. I went to Target and tried on four or five styles, each in at least two sizes since I still wasn’t sure what waist size I was in men’s jeans. In the end, I found that mid-rise pants that are either straight leg or slim fit (but not skinny!) work best for me. Despite having curvy hips–which is where most of my dysphoria comes from–I have fairly lean legs, so for me it’s become about minimizing the hip swerve.
Nothing kills the vibe more than a shirt being too tight across my hips. Look for shirts that are either boxy or have a split hem at the sides to allow for a bit more movement. In terms of sizing, cater to your largest measurement between your chest and hips and then purchase a size that allows at least 1” if not 2” of ease up from your actual measurement. To my own surprise, I’ve found that the best fitting shirts I’ve found since changing my gender presentation have still mostly been women’s shirts and/or shirts from companies that specialize in clothing for a non-binary and/or transmasc clientele, but I’ve also struck out there in some cases, as well. Men’s shirts tend to be cut quite a bit longer, so at the very least there’s a high likelihood that you’ll need to get them hemmed if you’re on the shorter side.
The two hardest types of shirts to buy have been anything white and anything sleeveless, even worse if you’re looking for a shirt that is both. So many t-shirts nowadays are “tissue weight” and “heathered,” and while you can sometimes get away with darker colors, in white this effectively translates to “completely see through.” I have yet to find a good white t-shirt or tank. The biggest issue with sleeveless shirts is the armhole situation. The armholes on men’s tanks are HUGE and will inevitably show your binder. If you don’t mind, then no problem! For me, the clothing I wear is a huge part of maintaining what I think of as my “masc fantasy”, so I don’t want my binder to show on the sides. In this sense, I’ve done better buying women’s muscle tanks in a size that fits on the looser side.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re buying “men’s clothes” or “women’s clothes,” so long as you feel affirmed in your presentation when you wear them. Do whatever works! The same goes for personal style: if you want to look and feel like a sk8r boi from 2002, do it! If you want to wear a pink and neon green floral patterned button down, there’s no reason not to do it. And if you want to look and feel very traditionally masculine in a button down or white t-shirt and dark jeans, that’s cool, too. In the beginning, I didn’t feel super comfortable wearing anything too effeminate, but I got over that pretty quickly. In a lot of ways, my style hasn’t changed much. When I was still presenting femme I loved to wear a lot of black and gray on the daily but I also had a lot of bright colors and wild prints in my closet, and that hasn’t particularly changed in my masc presentation.
Sitting in the chair at the salon, I told the hair stylist that I wanted something very short in the pixie cut realm. The stylist very wisely advised that I go for something a little bit longer and slightly softer, a piece of advice echoed in numerous places online. When I expressed reservations, she very kindly offered to recut my hair shorter if I decided I didn’t like it after leaving. While I was initially a little uncertain, I’m glad I trusted the stylist. Even more, though, I was really glad that I decided to book the appointment at a queer salon rather than at the traditional salon where I had my hair trimmed a few months prior. While there was nothing wrong with that salon or stylist, the folks at the queer salon offer a special long-to-short makeover transformation and they’re sensitive to the needs of their clientele. My stylist understood–without me having to explain–what it meant for me to cut off that much hair in one go and why I was doing it. That care, sensitivity and compassion can really be affirming if you’re going through a big change.
When I got home from the salon, the first thing I did was rip off my clothes, put on a binder and packer, and change into an outfit that made me feel immediately settled in my masculine energy. Looking at myself in the mirror was the first time I felt not just good and confident and sexy but true gender euphoria. It was a combination of both unparalleled joy and relief. Seeing, feeling, and embodying the fantasy of the masc presentation in my head was an almost out-of-body experience.
While there is so much more to transitioning or changing your gender presentation than the hair on your head and the clothes on your body, the external transformation is pretty pivotal. Don’t underestimate the power in giving yourself the space and permission to really go for it.
Resources
FtM Clothing Guide: FtM Fashion, Brands & Dressing Tips
Clothing Tips for Trans Men and Trans Masculine Folk
Tips for Buying Men's Pants as a Trans Guy
Gender Affirming Gear and Clothing Brands
J. Carter is a nonbinary, masc-of-center queer writer and creative in Los Angeles. They hold an MFA in screenwriting from USC and a BFA in Fine Art with a focus in photography from the School of the Museum of Fine Arts at Tufts. They have been an active member of the queer and kink communities in Los Angeles since 2018 and have been facilitating workshops on sex, kink, and pleasure since 2020.