Temperature Play

What is Temperature Play?

Temperature play is a form of sensation play that involves using a variation of hot and cold temperatures in order to stimulate the body and enhance pleasure during kink and/or sex. This form of play can range from very mild and vanilla to intense and sadomasochistic. The flavor of the play depends on what you and your partner(s) are interested in exploring.

Are you seeking connection through sensual massage? Do you want to feel dominant or submissive through power exchange? Temperature play is a catalyst to help bring these fantasies to life. From ice cubes to warming lubes and wax play to cold baths, there are so many possibilities to push the limits of your body to your heart’s desire.

Temperature Check: Risks and Considerations

Speaking of bodily limits, there are many elements to consider before diving into temperature play. The risks include burns, fainting, numbness and other reactions to excessive heat or cold. So before jumping into any of the activities described below, make sure to have a thorough conversation with the person you are playing with about their body and the potential risks involved.

Everyone has a different threshold for hot and cold sensations. Some people can handle sauna level temperatures for longer periods of time, while others might pass out from the same exposure. Do not treat every person the same when it comes to temperature play. With each new partner, check in and get on the same page before playing together.

Here are questions you can ask during negotiation to ensure that you are proceeding with care and caution:

1. What is your experience with temperature play?
2. How does your body react to cool and warm sensations?
3. What do you need if you get too hot or too cold?

If you or your partner(s) do not know the answers to these questions, but you still want to experience the thrill of temperature play, try introductory activities (like ice cubes) to start so you can begin to learn how your body responds. Over time, you will better understand your likes, dislikes, and boundaries, and feel more equipped to communicate those wants and needs with others. Enjoy the journey as much as the destination – when it comes to temperature play, slow and steady wins the race.

At the end of the blog, we will review aftercare practices so stay tuned for necessary safety tips!

Time to Turn Up the Heat

Now that we have covered the basic foundation, let’s dive into various ways to heat up and cool down your play. Remember to engage in these activities with an awareness of your risk level, experience, and bodily limitations. Ready to have some fun? Turn on a fan or open a window because we guarantee you are about to get hot and bothered.

Oral Sex

If you are looking for an easy and casual way to begin exploring temperature play, try starting with blowing hot and cool air on the genitals. This can increase sensitivity and arousal during oral sex. Form your lips into a small circle to blow cool air and open your mouth wide like you’re fogging up glass to blow hot air. If your partner is squealing with delight, then you are doing something right!

Growing up, were you ever told about the ice cube in the mouth trick for giving blowjobs? Why stop there, when you can incorporate warmth into oral sex as well. Cool sensations can feel great on hot genitals, but if an ice cube is down there for too long, numbing can occur making it harder to enjoy stimulation if you can't feel anything. Try taking a big sip of a hot beverage like tea to warm your mouth before going down on your partner. Make sure the tea or beverage is not too hot so you don’t burn your tongue or your lover’s sensitive bits.

Warming and Cooling Oils and Lubes

There are many massage oils and lubes on the market that create a warming or cooling effect.

Warming massage oils or lubricants typically contain ingredients like cinnamon, ginger, or capsaicin, which stimulate nerve endings and increase blood flow to the area, resulting in a warming sensation. They are designed to create heat upon contact with the skin or mucous membranes. The warmth can enhance sensory experiences, increase arousal, relax muscles, and possibly make penetration more comfortable.

Cooling massage oils or lubricants typically contain ingredients like menthol, eucalyptus, or peppermint, which create a cooling effect by stimulating nerve receptors and constricting blood vessels in the area. The coolness can reduce inflammation, soothe irritation, and create a refreshing and invigorating sensation, which may be enjoyable during hot weather.

Remember that warming and cooling oils and lubes are not for everyone. Some people may find the sensation too intense, or may experience irritation or allergic reactions to certain ingredients. With any new product, it's a good idea to perform a patch test on a small area of skin before using it more extensively, and stop using it if any adverse reactions occur.

Not all brands and products are safe to play with, especially on genitals. Double check the ingredients to ensure there are no unnecessary added sugars that might cause a yeast infection. Check out these warming and cooling lubes that do the job while not ruining the fun:

Ice Cubes

Ice cubes are readily available to play with if you have access to a freezer while having sex or exploring kink. Running the cube along erogenous zones such as the back of the neck, behind the ears, nipples, and inner thighs, will send yummy chills throughout the body and have your lover moaning “ice, ice, baby!”

You can also utilize ice cubes during impact play! After lots of spanking (or flogging, paddling, etc), the skin will start to grow hot and likely turn red from the heat. Gliding an ice cube over that tender inflamed skin can relieve the sting from the pain and help the bottom handle more hits. The contrast between hot and cold will exhilarate the body and elevate the whole experience.

Wax Play

Wax play is the method of dripping wax from a candle onto a person’s body in order to introduce warm and hot sensations during sex and/or kink. However not all candles are safe for wax play – soy and paraffin candles melt at a dependably lower temperature that will not burn, while many generic store bought candles will burn at high temperatures that are harmful to the skin.

Massage candles that melt into warm oil:

P.C. Massage Candles

Kama Sutra Massage Candle

Seagrape Massage Candle

Drip candles that melt into hot wax:

LaCire Torso Drip Candle

Japenese Drip Candles

Pride Rainbow Drip Candle

Follow these directions to ensure a smooth start to your wax play journey. Light the candle and wait for a pool of wax to form around the wick. Hold the candle farther away from the skin and slowly start to tilt the candle to create a drip. The more distance the candle has from the skin, the more time the wax has to cool before making contact with the bottom. This is a safer approach to begin with because you can gauge how the person reacts to the temperature of the wax. As you continue dripping the candle, you can ask the bottom if they would like you to come closer. The less distance the candle has from the skin, the hotter the wax will be. First drip the wax on the arms or back before moving towards more sensitive areas like the chest and inner thighs.

Here is a piece of advice if you are concerned about body hair: try rubbing a layer of massage oil on the skin beforehand. This will create a barrier between the hair and the wax in order to make the process of removal much easier. Your hairy partner will thank you (and me!) for this practical suggestion.

Another fun temperature tip: Put a butter knife in the freezer before you start playing. Once the wax has slightly cooled on the skin, take the chilled knife out and lightly scrape the wax off. The contrast between the hot wax and the cold knife will blow your lover’s mind!

Steel and Glass Toys

Ready to elevate your insertion and penetration? There are many toys that are safe to use with temperature play as long as they are the right material. Steel and glass toys can be put in the fridge, freezer, or a bowl of ice. Alternatively, you can run the toy under hot water for a few seconds or wrap it in a heating pad until it is nice and warm. With either temperature, make sure to touch it to your body first to check the intensity and then slowly insert it inside with lube. Our internal mucous membranes are highly sensitive to temperature, which can be used to our advantage.

Here are our favorite toys for temperature play:

Curve Spiral Glass Dildo

Njoy Pure Wand

b-Vibe Glass Anal Dilator Set

Fire Play

Fire play is the method of using a flame on or very close to the skin to introduce warm and hot sensations during sex and/or kink. The fire is typically created from a wand (small torch) that is soaked in isopropyl alcohol for fuel. Fire play may seem dangerous, but can actually be quite moderate in terms of temperature. Think hot stone massage for reference.

When preparing for fire play, make sure to assess your surroundings for any nearby flammable items such as curtains, sheets, loose papers, etc. Then examine your own outfit as well for long sleeves, fringe, drawstrings, loose hair, etc. Once everything is tucked in and safe, dip your implement into the 70% isopropyl alcohol until the torch end is fully submerged. Remove it from the alcohol and squeeze out any excess fluid. Use a lighter to set the wand on fire and hover the flame over the skin so the bottom can begin to feel the heat.

Once you feel ready to make contact between the fire and the skin, glide the wand across the body. With the other hand, sweep across the skin immediately following the flame to ensure that the fire goes out. As you become more comfortable and confident with this method, you can venture into fire spanking! Quickly tap the flame against the body for a new and exciting kind of impact. Then carefully slow down the taps if you want to increase the intensity of the heat.

Fire play can be sensual and loving or sadistic and mean depending on the energy of the scene, so find your unique style and burn baby, burn!

Exposure to Extreme Elements

Finally, the most extreme form of temperature play is exposure to extreme heat or cold. This is for the more advanced kinksters who especially enjoy a power dynamic with their play.

Forced submersion into a cold plunge or shower can be highly sadistic and also deeply invigorating. The experience can release endorphins that create a natural state of euphoria. On the other hand, it is not safe or recommended to try this with hot plunges or showers as that can scald the body, which can cause up to second degree burns.

Depending on the season and the weather, you can incorporate the outdoors into your play! As a form of punishment, try forcing a submissive to go out into the cold or snow in little to no clothing. Play with power and control by ordering someone to wear latex or leather outside in the heat until they become so hot and sweaty that they beg you for mercy.

NOTE: If you are going to partake in more extreme forms of temperature play, it is important that you can recognize the signs for hypothermia and heat exhaustion.

Hypothermia will first appear in the fingers and toes. Symptoms can include shivering, cold skin, blue lips, weak pulse, confusion, difficulty speaking, drowsiness, and slow breathing. Make sure to have blankets and clothes nearby to slowly warm up the body in case you notice these warning signs. Heat exhaustion will look like excessive thirst, heavy sweating, nausea, weakness, rapid pulse, feeling faint or dizzy, and flushed skin. Quickly move into a cooler area, loosen or remove clothing, and sip (do not chug) cool water.

If you feel comfortable and confident with the potential risks of exposure to extreme elements, then you will find plenty of enjoyment and thrill in this realm of play.

Cool Down With Aftercare

So now that we have played with everything on the hot to cold spectrum, let’s cover the essential practice of aftercare. When playing with temperatures, there are possible risks of burns or numbness, but do not stress! Often you can address these matters at home. If you do not feel equipped to care for an issue on your own, you can always seek medical attention.

In the case of mild burns (from wax, fire, hot toys, etc), use cold compresses, ice packs, aloe, and burn relief gel to alleviate the pain. In cases of numbness (from ice, cold toys, plunges, etc), use blankets, heating pads, and gentle massage to circulate blood flow and regulate body temperature. Remember that the body is resilient and can often heal on its own, so do not panic when your play heats up too fast or cools down too much.

Aftercare is not just physical, but also mental and emotional. Check in with each other right after you play and in the following days. You can ask questions to debrief such as: How was that for you? What did you enjoy? Was there anything you did not enjoy? Is there anything else you want to share about your experience? Open and honest conversations will help everyone involved feel cared for and supported.

The Last Degree

To sum everything up, here is a go-to list of fun temperature play activities right at your fingertips:

• Oral Sex
• Warming and Cooling Oils and Lubes
• Ice Cubes
• Wax Play
• Steel and Glass Toys
• Fire Play
• Exposure to Extreme Elements

Playing with temperatures can invigorate sensations, build excitement, and bring a new powerful element into your sex and kink. This is the perfect way to ignite passion when you are feeling bored and need some extra stimulation. If you consider the risks, negotiate with your partner(s), and prepare for aftercare, then you are on the right path.

You are now ready to turn your temperature play fantasies into reality! So grab some warming lube, an ice cube, a drip candle, and a cold glass toy, and go heat up these chilly winter nights.

Jamie Joy (they/them) is a queer trans Jewish sex educator and hungry slut for freaky fantasies and kinky perversions. Their life and work is committed to spreading joy, pleasure, and consent through community organizing. As a triple fire sign Sagittarius, Jamie Joy is passionate about dancing while eating, playing sadistically with flaming floggers, and teaching people about the wonders of anal fisting. They are always excited to connect with new friends; you can find them on Instagram @badjewboy or email them at jamiejoyeducation@gmail.com.