How to Set Sex Goals | The Pleasure Chest

New Year, new vibes! It’s that time of the year where we set resolutions and do our best to stick to them. Living healthier was the most popular resolution among Americans last year and is usually one of the most popular every year. When we think about living healthier, diet and exercise are the first things that come to mind. But how many people consider their pleasure when it comes to their health? And what would incorporating pleasure in your resolutions even look like? Well, if you’ve ever thought about setting pleasure and sex goals for yourself, we can tell you how!

Because everyone’s sex lives and pleasure practices are different, this blog serves as a list of general suggestions for your sex bucket list. We aim to inspire you to take a look at your relationship with pleasure, sex, masturbation, your body and your partner(s) and see how you can explore your relationship goals further.

How to Set Sex Goals: Figure out what you want for a better sex life

Are you in an explorative stage, just wanting to try new things? Is there one specific practice or kink you want to investigate? Take some time to think about where you’re currently at, where you want to be, and brainstorm some practical steps that will help you get there.

If you want to be more explorative with toys specifically, do some research on the toys you’re interested in trying. Find toy recommendations, read reviews, or visit us in person to talk to a Sex Specialist about suggestions.

If you’re feeling stuck on what to choose, sex toy kits are a good place to start! You get a lot of items to play with that can be used separately or together, and they tend to have more versatility for solo or partnered sex. Our Pleasure Chest Sex Toy Kits are great for beginners and folks on a budget!

Senses Overload Kit	Only the Essentials Kit	Love Lockdown Kit

If you want to level up your sex education and general sexual health knowledge, books are an excellent resource! Whether you are looking to become a better lover with instruction, or looking for more stories to add to your fantasies. we've got you covered! There are guided instruction manuals, volumes of erotica, and practical sex ed collections about anything you can imagine. Gender and sexuality workbooks, breakdowns on consent, position guides, rope bondage books and more comprise our Pleasure Chest library. We always recommend folks start off with a book about a potential kink or pleasure practice to kickstart their journey!

Hot and Unbothered	Body Talk	Slow Pleasure

Getting specific about what you want to accomplish in your expansive pleasure journey will help you narrow your focus and move forward in the process. Being too vague and indecisive will give you option paralysis and cause further confusion. Pick a lane and go for it! Once you begin, you’ll find inspiration while exploring and it’ll keep you motivated to build up toward your goals. And don’t worry, you can always start again if it gets a little shaky. No pressure, just pleasure!

How to Set Sex Goals: Think about who’s involved in your sexual encounter

Are you embarking on a solo journey or is someone else coming along for the ride? If other people are participating with you, consider setting goals together and negotiating how each person will help reach them. It wouldn’t be fair to not include your partner(s) in your goal setting if this journey will directly impact them! Remember to affirm each other's bodies within your combined sexual goal.

Make time and space to have this conversation with whoever is creating sexual goals with you. This isn’t something you’d want to do in passing if you and your partner(s) want to take it seriously. If you’re not sure where to begin, using conversation starters like our Yes/No/Maybe list is a perfect jumping off point.

There are even couple’s sex games that can kickstart a productive conversation (and maybe some play time afterwards). Sex Talk and Love Talk are two card games that go past surface-level stereotypical questions like, “What’s your biggest fantasy?” “Where’s the weirdest place you’ve had sex?” etc. These questions are fun, but they’re a little surface level. They aren’t enough to really get a conversation going where everyone feels safe to share their desires.

And these games aren’t just for couples—you can sit with the deck and ask yourself these questions, too. However you choose to play, proceed with caution: vulnerability is necessary in the case of some of the deeper questions!

Love Talk	Couple's Sex Games	Sex Talk

How to Set Sex Goals: Stay realistic

Maybe your goal is to have sex with your partner more often. Maybe you want to try learning how to squirt. Maybe you want to try anal training. These are all great goals! But…

Going from 0 to 100 in anal training, trying to squirt on your first try, and going from having sex once a week to every day, multiple times a day might not be attainable for you. It may even become more of a chore to uphold such lofty goals! Having too high of expectations and thinking you’re going to reach your goal after one or two sessions may discourage you from continuing your journey.

We just want you to be aware of what you’re capable of, how long the process may take, and to be nice to yourself while you explore! And to have fun with it, of course.

In the same vein, don’t compare yourself to other folks and don’t compare your relationship to other ones. Every body is different and so is every relationship. Maybe your best friend and their partner have sex twice a week and you and your partner have sex once a month—as long as everyone is fulfilled by the pleasure they’re sharing with their partner(s), one is not better or worse than the other, and making goals based off another person’s patterns probably won’t end with you feeling truly satisfied.

Some simple goals you can incorporate to get the ball rolling include:

Using toys more often

Plan a date with your partner or a solo date with yourself and head to your local sex store to pick out some sex toys! See what calls to you. Ask Sex Specialists for their recommendations. Just have fun with it! Making a ritual out of the experience will not only make the journey more special, but it’ll also encourage you to keep up with your new pleasure practice.

Here are some sex toys that are great for beginners:

Romp Mosh BJ Stroker	Romp Riot Bullet Vibrator	Romp Bass Anal Plug

If you’ve already got a few toys at your disposal but you don’t find yourself reaching for them much anymore, you need one of two things: a complete overhaul, or a spring cleaning!

Either treat yourself to a new toy or two (those sex toy kits mentioned earlier would be a good suggestion) or take some time to go through your toys. Charge them, clean them, and revisit them! Show your old pals some love and you might just get some love in return. If there’s still no sparks flying, it’s time to visit the Pleasure Chest.

Introducing kink into your play

“Spice it up” is something we hear a lot of people say when they want to get out of their same old sex routine. But what does it really mean? It could mean a number of things, but our mind of course goes to kink.

Revisit our Y/N/M worksheet and see if any kinks listed jump out at you as something you want to try. If you’re new to the kink world and you want to explore but aren’t sure where to start, you can begin with some pervertables: simple household items you already have on hand that can be used for kink purposes. Here are a few examples:

Restraint play: scarves, tights, pillowcases (can also be used as blindfolds)

Impact play: spatulas, wooden spoons, rulers, belts, rubber bands

Sensation play: forks, hair brushes/combs, feather dusters, clothespins

Temperature play: ice cubes, paraffin wax candles

If pervertables and beginner kink tools are old hat to you, we recommend browsing some of our kink-centric books to get inspired! Some focus on how to navigate the kink community, some discuss the nuances of BDSM roleplay, some teach you how to create your own fetish gear… we truly have something for everyone!

The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage	When Someone You Love is Kinky	Fetishcraft

Being more vocal with your partner(s)

Whether you want to be more vocal about your desires or more vocal in the heat of the moment, exercising your voice is great for advocating your sexual needs and it’s also a creative mental practice! Having monthly check-ins with your partner to see if there’s a new kink to explore, a new toy they want to use, or just to compliment each other on the pleasurable things they do is a healthy sexual practice.

Being more vocal during sex is another common goal for folks because it can be intimidating and make people feel vulnerable. Start small and slow with words of encouragement. “Yes,” “more,” and “please,” are good examples. When you like something your partner does, say it out loud. “I like when you kiss my neck,” “The way you touch me turns me on,” etc., until you get more comfortable. Before you know it, you’ll be confident enough to say dirtier and dirtier things to each other!

Taking your play outside the bedroom

This is a great opportunity to get creative! You can experiment with roleplay—meet your partner at a public place and pretend you’ve never met before, or roleplay as completely different people. If you want to keep it in the house, simply moving to another part of your living space could be enough to garner excitement. Play in the shower, the office, the kitchen, on the balcony… your options are as imaginative as you want to be.

You can also bring your toys out on the town! We have plenty of remote control and app-enabled options that allow you to discreetly control your partner’s toys in public so no one would suspect a thing. Just a heads up: make sure you’re using toys that won’t make it obvious to other people what you’re doing. We want to have fun but we don’t want to make innocent bystanders uncomfortable!

Love to Love Secret Panty Vibe	We-Vibe Tease Us Sets	b-Vibe Vibrating Jewel Plugs

Scheduling sex

It may not sound exciting or sexy, but scheduling sex is one of the top recommended practices from sex therapists, so they must be onto something! Setting aside a window to be intimate with a partner or with yourself takes the pressure off needing spontaneous desire to magically show up when you need it.

Not to mention, the anticipation of a scheduled sex date is part of the fun! The thought of it can keep even the busiest partners mutually invested in the sexual experience. You can even make a game out of it—in the days leading up to the “appointment,” turn the flirtation up a notch, be more physical with your partner, fantasize about what you’ll do, what toys you’ll use, what you’ll wear, etc. By the time the sex date comes, you’ll be firing on all cylinders!

How to Set Sex Goals: Check in with yourself

Maybe a few months into setting your goal, you’re not as into it anymore. Maybe you end up reaching your goal a lot faster than you thought you would and you’re wondering, now what? Both are okay!

If you’re feeling discouraged, give yourself room to switch it up and pivot to something that will keep you moving forward. If the overarching goal is to just be more mindful of your pleasure practices, then you’ll still be on track!

If you meet your goal(s) quickly, go ahead and set another! Obviously something about this process worked perfectly for you, so keep going!

If you’re undergoing this journey with a partner, make sure you also check in with them to see how they’re getting along. Get everyone on the same page, offer words of encouragement, and reset goals if need be. Also be sure to celebrate the goals you’re achieving along the way!