THIS ENTRY WAS POSTED ON July 30, 2023 BY The Pleasure Chest.
Do you ever feel like your orgasms could be better? Don’t get us wrong, an orgasm is still an orgasm, and in that way they’re sort of like pizza… even bad pizza is still pizza!
But maybe you’re wondering if you’ve got more in you. Maybe you still feel unsatisfied after a release because it didn’t feel big enough. Maybe your toys and tools just aren’t cutting it anymore. Maybe you wish you could go for one orgasm right after the other instead of it feeling almost painful or overstimulating. Or maybe you’re completely satisfied with your orgasms, but you just want to see if they can feel even better because… who wouldn’t want that?
This blog serves as a comprehensive guide to achieving bigger, better orgasms and enhancing your sex life. We’ll dive into how to overcome mental blocks that prevent you from reaching your big O’s true potential, tips and tricks on adding more stimulation to your play and sex toy recommendations for all bodies for both solo and partner play! We’ll discuss how to use toys to their full potential and how to let your body feel everything it deserves to.
Now let’s go get those O’s!
How to Have Better Orgasms: A Note on Mental Health
Picture it: You’ve had a long, demanding week at work. You’re worried about bills, you still have errands and housework to do, and it feels like everything is piling up. You’re stressed, to say the least. You decide to light some candles, pour yourself a drink and run a bath. Your favorite toy is charged and ready to go. Your body is relaxed in the warm water. Your skin is soft and smells good. You’ve set the mood. You’ve pulled out all the stops. You take out your toy and start pleasuring yourself, ready to experience an out-of-this-world orgasm that will finally but your mind and body at ease. You start slow and work your way up, taking your time to enjoy every sensation and be present in the moment. You feel a little something start to build but it’s difficult to go further. You try to push through but you can’t. You hit a wall. Then… nothing. No orgasm, no release. Maybe you realize you’re not even really that aroused at all. You feel like you failed and like you’ll never release that built up tension from your body. You wonder what could be wrong with your environment, your toy, and you that you just can’t get there like you used to.
This is an all-too-common event that many people experience. You intend to orgasm and to feel pleasure but there’s something in the way preventing you from feeling it. This could happen when you’re alone and masturbating or when you’re with a partner, and sometimes it seems like no amount of new additions (toys, positions, fantasies) can do the trick.
There are tons of reasons our libidos and arousal levels take dives throughout our lifetimes—taking certain medications, having depression, being stressed out, and even simply aging—and it can be frustrating to work through to find solutions. Maybe something that used to work doesn’t anymore, maybe your turn-ons are shifting and you’re resisting exploration for some reason unbeknownst to you, or maybe you’ve been in a ‘sexual rut’ for a while that you can’t seem to escape.
The truth is, mental health plays a huge role in how we experience pleasure. When you’re blocked mentally in some way, that spills over into the rest of your body. We have this saying at the Pleasure Chest: “Your brain is your sexiest body part.” But sometimes it can feel like your worst enemy! Orgasms and pleasure in general are excellent tools in helping release tension and getting out of our heads, but when we can’t access those tools we can feel stuck.
If we want to talk about improving our orgasms, we first have to talk about improving our mental health and wellness. Because that’s where it all starts! You want to do your best to clear your mind of stressors and any feelings of judgement and shame you may have. Here are a few tips on getting in the right headspace for pleasure and self-exploration:
Clean the space you’re in
This doesn’t mean you need to go and deep clean your entire house, but it can be helpful to clean and/or organize the room you’re pleasuring yourself in. This helps to limit any mental interruptions regarding your looming To Do List and lets you embrace the present and enjoy the pleasure rather than worrying about all the things you need to do immediately after you’re finished.
Stimulate your senses
Instead of going straight for the vibrator and cranking it to its highest setting, take some time to set the mood. Light a candle, wear something that makes you feel sexy, spray some cologne, hydrate, eat some dessert; do something for each of the five senses that titillates you in ways other than your typical go-to pleasure habits.
Be present
Don’t check out mentally and disassociate from your body. Really feel all the sensations you’re feeling and take stock of what your senses are taking in. A meditation practice can make this part simpler as its easier said than done! We spend so much time being disconnected from our mind and bodies that it can be difficult to tune back in at first. Every time you catch your mind wandering, bring it back to the moment by acknowledging one of your senses. What do you smell? What do you taste? What do you feel? Repeat this to stay in the moment.
Treat yourself with kindness
You will probably not go from 0 to 10 orgasms in one magical session. Follow the previous tips and be gentle with yourself when you inevitably slip up. It takes time to build new habits and embark on new pleasure practices. Be patient, go at your own pace and don’t judge yourself!
How to Have Better Orgasms: Embracing Play
One of the factors that could be inhibiting you from improving your orgasms is unintentionally being stuck in your ways. Don’t get us wrong—that “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality can work in some situations! Especially if you’re in a hurry and just need a quick release. If you know what you like and it gets the job done, then does it really matter? Well, yes and no.
Sure, going through the motions and diving into your go-to routine for a guaranteed orgasm is one way to do it. But if you want to experience bigger and better orgasms, you should feel encouraged to go bigger and better in your efforts to make them happen. Which brings us to our next tip: embracing play.
Play is a huge aspect of pleasure. Shibari rope master and BDSM expert Midori famously said, “BDSM is childhood joyous play with adult sexual privilege and cool toys.” This also strongly applies to sex, self-exploration and pleasure in general. It’s joyous adult fun. Embodying this sentiment is the key to unlocking the potential of the pleasure you’re capable of experiencing.
The first thing you want to do to embrace playfulness is get creative. With your senses, your toys, your body, your partner(s), etc. The only limit is your own imagination (and of course your personal boundaries). It can be as simple as changing the setting of your play to investing in your kink with higher quality tools to being open with a partner about your fantasies so you can actually make them come to life.
If you usually masturbate in bed, try the shower. If you want to get into impact play, visit your local adult store and purchase a paddle (or see what pervertables you have lying around the house). If you fantasize about pet play, get some gear to dress the part or DIY something from what you’ve already got. In short, think about what you want to try and what you fantasize about and which things you can realistically incorporate into your current routine to change it up. Embrace the playfulness of pleasure and let yourself experience the joy of it all!
How to Have Better Orgasms: Awakening Your Senses
We already talked about the importance of being present and igniting the five senses to enhance your orgasms. But what kind of things can be done to make this happen? Here's a list of some household items you probably already have at your disposal as well as some products designed for heightening arousal, prolonging foreplay and increasing pleasure that each specifically target one or multiple senses.
All of these items can help increase your sensitivity to a particular sense or even restrict one sense to make the rest of your senses heightened. Think about which senses you prefer to have stimulated—are you big on scents? Do you like to feel a tingly sensation on your skin? Do you indulge in decadent desserts? Do you need a visual component like lingerie or porn to turn you on? Whichever avenue you choose, be mindful of what you know you already like and see if you can turn it up a notch by using an enhancement.
 LaCire Torso Drip Candle |
 Silk Entangle Ties |
 Amor Blindfold |
How to Have Better Orgasms: Solo play
There are many ways to improve your solo exploration, some of which we’ve already touched on earlier in this blog. The main thing you want to keep in mind is taking what you already know you like and upping the ante a bit, or slightly shifting your routine to make it more interesting. Once you get in the habit of starting there, you’re already well on your way to bigger, better orgasms.
Use multiple toys at one time
If you have an affinity for toys, why not use more of them? Many toys are perfect by themselves, but a lot of them really shine when used in conjunction with another toy that serves a different purpose. Using an internal G-spot wand with an external suction vibrator, a wand massager with an anal plug, or a stroker paired with a vibrating cock ring are just a few combinations that provide full-body sensations without making your solo session overly complicated. The more the merrier, right?
Use toys that serve more than one purpose
If you want to enhance your solo play but you’d rather just stick to one toy, using a sex toy that has multiple functions would be your next best bet. Dual stimulators like rabbit vibrators, anal toys with large bases that stimulate the external nerves, and pumps that provide both suction and vibration are just a few examples of toys that do a little bit of everything all on one technologically advanced mechanism.
 Romp Reverb Dual Vibrator |
 Duo Together Vibrating Thruster |
 b-Vibe Snug & Tug |
Include sensory play
Choose one thing from the above list of sensory items and incorporate it into your masturbation routine. Use an internal vibrator while blindfolded, use a (waterproof!) stroker while taking a warm bath, or put tingly lubricant on a clitoral vibrator. You can even involve temperature play in your sessions by heating up or freezing toys, like the Njoy Pure Wand or the Bootie Plug by Fun Factory. Once your senses are heightened or deprived and you add a vibrator to the mix, it bumps that intensity up a notch and can make your tried-and-true go-to toys feel brand new again!
For solo kink exploration, we have an entire comprehensive blog dedicated to tips and tricks on bondage, restraints, impact play and more when playing solo.
 Saffron Faux Fur Flogger |
 Pinwheel |
 Nipple Cooling Arousal Balm |
How to Have Better Orgasms: Partner play
The first thing you want to do with your partner if you want to have better orgasms with them is to communicate. Communication is absolutely key to make sure everyone’s on the same page and no one is crossing any boundaries. Talk to your partner about what you want out of your sex life. It wouldn’t be fair to start this journey without them since they’ll be a participant right alongside you! Tell them what you want to feel, what you want to try, what you want to explore with them and ask them the same things. Get on the same page; there may be some compromising that takes place. Also, be careful with the language you use. Saying, “Hey, babe, I want to have better orgasms,” could offend them and make them feel like they’re inadequate in pleasing you. Just be mindful of how you’re communicating and be open to wherever the conversation goes. Remember, the goal of the conversation is for each party to feel more pleasure!
Use toys on each other
This one may seem obvious, but according to the questions we get from customers at Pleasure Chest, a lot of folks feel intimidated to use toys on a partner. They worry about how to pick the right toy, if it’s strong enough, if it’ll just make intimacy more complicated, etc. The first thing we always mention is to not let yourself get intimidated by toys. They’re just tools! Using a drill to tighten a screw is much easier than using a screwdriver, and that’s what it was made for! Toys can be considered in the same way.
Think about the pleasure your partner enjoys. If they like being stroked, get a stroker you can use in tandem with your own hands. If they like deep penetration, get a heavy internal wand or a large dildo. If they like receiving oral, get a toy that mimics tongue and mouth movement like a suction toy. All you have to do is simply build on what you already know and incorporate a toy that fits into your pleasure practice.
 Svakom Robin Vibrating Stroker |
 Love to Love Itsy Bitsy Wand |
 10X Thruster Vibrating Dildo |
Shift your focus
Shifting your focus goes hand in hand with the embracing play sentiment we discussed earlier. If you know your current routine isn’t working, or there’s some aspects of it that you feel are lacking, you need to shift your mentality to what is working and expand on that.
While this blog is all about how to achieve better orgasms, it’s important to note that actually steering away from being focused on the orgasm itself will help you feel more pleasure. Dr. Emily Nagoski, sex educator, researcher and author of Come as You Are, says, “Pleasure is the measure of sexual well-being. It’s not about what you do in bed or how many orgasms you have, how long it lasts, or who you do it with, or how frequently you do it. What matters is that you like the sex that you are having.”
Moving away from being orgasm-focused and instead focusing on the pleasure you’re feeling will help you enjoy sex more. It alleviates the pressure of needing a ‘big finish’ to feel satisfied. It removes the expectation that an orgasm will happen—because sometimes it won’t—and that doesn’t make the pleasure you’re feeling any less pleasurable.
The sexual response cycle includes four stages: excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. We think that if we don’t complete this cycle, something is wrong with the way we’re having sex or experiencing orgasms. When paired with the societal expectations that sex = penetration and third base = oral, etc., it puts way too much pressure on us to hit certain steps and feel certain things or else we’re failing. We encourage you to throw away this idea and just focus on what feels good, refraining from judging yourself through the process.
Schedule sex
This tip is great for partners who are working on sharing intimacy more often but find that life just keeps getting in the way. It happens—stressors pile up and libidos slip or don’t match up with each other. This is very normal! Scheduling sex often is recommended by sex therapists for couples for a reason—it really helps. Scheduling intimacy removes the expectation of spontaneous desire, something that can wane over time, especially between partners who have been together for a while.
Scheduling sex even works for folks playing solo. Scheduling time for self-exploration fits perfectly into a self-care routine. Because masturbation is self-care! If you find that you wish you masturbated more often but never have the time or have trouble feeling aroused, setting aside time in the week for 30 minutes to focus on your body and pleasure can help revive those feelings of arousal.
Not to mention, the anticipation alone of scheduling intimacy with yourself or a partner actually helps to build desire and excitement. Thinking about what you’re going to do, where you’ll be, what toys you might use, or what fantasies you might act out all add a little extra thrill to something that has the reputation of not being thrilling at all: scheduling pleasure.
How to Have Better Orgasms: Work Smarter, Not Harder
Another way to enhance your pleasure is to get toys and tools that to most of the work for you. With advancements in technology in the sex toy world, there are so many options to choose from. There are toys that move on their own with unique and powerful motors built to get you there as quickly as you desire. There are toys that are created with folks with mobility issues in mind so it’s easier to use them. There are toys that allow you to interact with your partner and even strangers from across the globe. Some even have audio and video components that play porn while you use them! All of these options are designed to make using toys less intimidating, more interesting and easier than ever before.
When you want to get off, think about what tools would really help you in a practical sense. If you use harnesses, using a small vibrator that could fit into the front of it would be a welcome addition (if you like vibration, of course). If you like to use toys in tandem with your partner, using something double-ended or multi-use would be a convenient way to play. If you’re adventurous with your play and like to take your sessions outside of the bedroom, a toy that a partner (or you) can control with a remote would be ideal.
When picking out a sex toy, it can be easy to get distracted by the ones that have all the bells and whistles. You might see a vibrator that spins and thrusts and gyrates and get excited by all the possibilities, but think about if something like that will really fit into what you’re trying to achieve with your pleasure practice. Think about how you currently play, what tools will enhance it, and what will make you want to go back to those tools again and again.
Toys in harnesses
If you wear strap-ons, there are a few different options for toys and tools you can attach to your gear. There are textured covers that wrap around the bases of dildos that provide something to grind against for the harness wearer. There are flat vibrators that can fit comfortably into the front of the harness. You can put a vibrating cock ring around the base of the dildo so both the strap-er and the strap-ee can feel the same vibration.
*Note, if you want to include a vibrating toy in your strap-on play, we highly recommend getting one that can be controlled by a remote or an app. They are much easier and way more practical to use so you don’t have to dig into your harness every time you want to change the setting.
 Shagger Silicone Base |
 We-Vibe Sync Lite |
 Companion Wearable Vibrator |
Remote control options
Toys controlled by remotes and apps are great if you:
- Want to have complete control over the toy your partner is using. This is great for Dom/sub and power play dynamics.
- Want to use toys hands-free. Controlling a toy by the remote instead of on the toy itself frees up your hands to do more things and allows you to be more engaged with a partner rather than focused on the toy.
- Are already using other toys. If you use straps and dildos and want to throw in a vibrator, having one controlled by a remote makes it much easier to use.
- Want to take your play outside of the bedroom. Using vibrating toys in public (discreetly!) is difficult if you have to manually change the settings. To avoid reaching into your underwear to change the intensity, we recommend going for a remote-controlled one instead.
- Are in a long-distance relationship. Standard remotes won’t help in this situation, but app-enabled toys that work via Bluetooth are great options for couples who live far away from each other or travel often.
 Multi Orgasm Strapless Strap-On |
 We-Vibe Date Night Couple's Set |
 Vibepad 2 |
Toys that move on their own
One of the best toy options for folks who have mobility issues, folks who like for their toys to do more than just vibrate, and for folks who would rather have their toys do all the work for them. There are toys that thrust, spin, move in a ‘come hither’ motion, pump, suck, squeeze and more! Some even do one or more of these things while also having vibrating functions. If you are a ‘more is more’ kind of person, these are the types of toys that will help you on your journey to bigger and better O’s.
 Stronic Petite |
 Lelo Ina Wave 2 |
 b-Vibe Rimming Plug XL |
Toy sets
Kits that come with more than one toy and/or an abundance of accessories to enhance a toy are great for a number of reasons. They’re convenient, they’re perfect for folks who don’t know where to begin with toy shopping, they work for couples who want to try different things, and they’re usually priced at a great deal.
There are kits that are specific to one type of stimulation and there are kits that come with multiple tools and toys to cover a lot of different bases. If you’re not sure where to start but want to try as many new sensations as you can, a sex toy kit is highly recommended!
 Sex Magic Kit |
 Romp Pleasure Kit |
 Anal Massage & Education Set |
How to Have Better Orgasms: Go Big or Go Home
As detailed in this blog, there are tons of ways to improve upon your pleasure practice and achieve bigger, longer, better, stronger orgasms. Remember, as mentioned before, this journey is all about feeling good, trying out new things, embracing playfulness and enjoying the ride. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have the best orgasm of your life every time you engage in masturbation or sex. If you have fun and play, the orgasms will come!
